How I Get Beach Body Ready.

I'm going to the beach next week.

Sea. Sunshine. Sand.

And body shame??

Nope. Not for this girl.

I've been doing this BODY LOVE work for a long time, but whenever I put on my bathing suit for the first time in 6 months, I feel... exposed, naked, vulnerable. Not only that, but my end-of-summer body is NEVER the same as my mid-winter-body, so me and my body gotta get to re-know each other a little bit.

That takes PRACTICE.

So today, I'm wearing my bathing suit around the house. To do housework. And to work at my computer.

Click the Instagram video below to see how I get myself Beach Body ready. BE SURE TO TURN UP THE VOLUME!!

Just me. My body. My kitties. My sourdough. And the toilet bowl brush.

DOING really good body things.

Any shame I feel is ALL MINE, and I get to sit tenderly with it. To breathe through it. To remind myself that I am SAFE.

The world is gonna do what the world is gonna do.

But my safety... it starts INSIDE OF ME.

So I'm cultivating it. Right now. Before I go.

So that when I get to that beach, I can ENJOY being in my body. And not worry about getting all stuck up inside my head, thinking shame-thought after shame-thought about how my body doesn't "measure up." Because truth is, I've got a GOOD BODY that does GOOD BODY things.

I mean, I'm not sure there is a person in this world that can double-sock-helicopter OR high-kick as well as me.

xo Stasia

PS. I want to invite you to SHARE THIS POST WITH YOUR FRIENDS! One, that video is funny as hell, and will be sure put a smile on their face. And two, this whole "practice in your bathing suit before you go to the beach" tip is pretty friggin smart.

Wear the Damn Swimsuit

While trekking cross-country on one of our epic summer adventures, I was invited to a July 4th neighborhood pool-party in Fort Collins, Colorado, hosted by my friend’s boyfriend's ex-wife. (Seemingly random, but nothing ever is!)

I put on my cheeky bikini and a cute little dress, walked my fabulous ass right into the pool gates, and then... outta thin air, I came face to face with one of my BIGGEST most POWERFUL self-image-saboteurs. 

FIT-STRONG-MUSCULAR WOMEN. EVERYWHERE. 

It was as if I had just walked onto the set of an Athleta catalog photo-shoot. 

I became dizzy with shame. I immediately had this vision of all the fit-party-people stopping, staring, and chanting BIG LEGS BIG LEGS BIG LEGS BIG LEGS. 

(Thanks thrift-store, body-shamer, for planting THAT in my head!)

It took everything I had to DISRUPT the onslaught of shaming thoughts. 

My body is not a problem.
My body is a good body.
Do not let SHAME hijack you from the anticipated fun and freedom you felt 5 minutes ago.

Once I put down my things, I stood at the pool's edge, heart beating in my ears, and I KNEW I had to take off the damn dress. I knew I had to BE IN MY BODY. I knew I could NOT let SHAME take me down. 

I took a deep breath, slowly slipped off my dress... and nothing happened. Nothing at all. 

There I was, ready to be the center of the most epic ridicule-pool-azza ever to be seen on planet earth, and nobody noticed me.

Talk about anticlimactic!

Once the dress was off, and I recognized the sensational-shame-story for what it was - BULLSHIT - I relaxed and immediately started to feel the ease and freedom I’m accustomed to feeling in my cheeky-bikini. 

And then, outta the blue, I hear... "Stasia?!"

I turned around, and standing right in front of me was a beautiful, bright-eyed woman - a woman I’d never seen before.

"OMG, YOU'RE AT MY POOL!!  I just popped in to drop off my son, and I saw you. I thought, OMG is that STASIA AT MY POOL!  I follow you on Instagram!!  I just had to come say hi! I can't believe you're AT MY POOL.  Don't you live in Vermont? Why are you at my neighborhood pool? Eep! I am sooooo inspired!  You practice what you preach!!  YOU'RE WEARING A BIKINI AT MY POOL!" 

And then my heart started beating in my ears again. OMG-THE-IRONY.

One minute I'm bracing myself for the most epic ridicule-pool-azza ever.  The next I'm standing tall and proud in my cheeky-bikini, taking a picture with my new friend, who I met because I was serendipitously invited to a pool-party by my friend's boyfriend's ex-wife.

People often say to me, “I wish I felt about my body the way that you feel about your body!” or “I’d never be brave enough to wear a bikini!”

But, I’m here to tell you. This didn’t come naturally to me either! No way!

I didn't CURE BODY SHAME by changing my body. I SLAYED IT by intentionally disrupting my shaming thoughts, and reminding myself of something that I understand to be intellectually true: #mybodyisnotaproblem.

In short, I practice.

I PRACTICE disrupting my shame thoughts like a ninja.
I PRACTICE gratitude for my today-body. 
I PRACTICE LOVING and befriending my body.
I PRACTICE setting boundaries that support the way I want to feel in my body.

THIS IS THE WORK, sisters.  You understand that getting good at anything takes practice. Intentional, specific, targeted PRACTICE. And being in your body, in a swimsuit, is no different.

Learning to accept, honor, appreciate and even LOVE your body, doesn’t come easy for most of us! And it’s no wonder! We live in an extremely body shaming culture.

BUT, these beliefs that we hold so tightly as fact, are actually NOT true. And you don’t have to live as if they are.

If you want the culture to change, then you best start changing, because gals, WE ARE THE CULTURE.

It's time to let go of the old self-sabotaging body shame stories that keep you stuck in the muck, and replace them with more loving, more tender, my accepting BELIEFS that support you, not hurt you.

It's a LIFE LONG PRACTICE.  One that enables you to fully integrate hella big TRUTHS into your heart, mind and soul, over the long haul. 

This work of healing body shame, and embodying a confident, joyful, grounded, loving presence takes time and deserves to be taken OFF of a quick-fix timeline. 

We all have body shame. And none of our bodies are actually are problem.

YOU CAN practice and LEARN a new way to relate to your body.

Let’s practice together.

xo Stasia

The picture I've been too ashamed to show you.

Every day I watch the news, and everyday it becomes more and more clear to me as to WHY women have body image issues. When a nominee for the President of the United States of America can get away with flippant misogyny, sexism, harassment and blatant objectification of women on the political platform... well, it makes me mad.

She's a 4. Miss Piggy. Such a Nasty Woman.

And I won't even say the most offensive comment... you know the one.

I've worked REALLY HARD in the past few years to see my body as more than just a compilation of flaws. I've practiced, actually PRACTICED, looking at my naked body in the mirror, staring, until what I saw before me normalized and I could see my body as whole. 

I've come SO FAR in the past couple of years, but sometimes it's still hard.

Just this summer my husband took a picture of me at the beach that sent me into a completely unexpected body-shaming tail spin. I thought I was past that nonsense. I internalized all the garbage we hear about our bodies, and I let it paralyze me.

I cancelled date night. I hid in a cover-up for a few days. I didn't play with my kids.

I shared my anger, sadness and shame with my husband, and do you know what he said?  "No wonder you feel the way you do, sweetie. The only women I saw walking on the beach this week without a cover-up on were tall, slender, muscular women. Where in hell was everybody else? I'll tell you where they were. Sitting in their beach chairs, hiding their bodies!"

It was true. WHERE WAS EVERYBODY ELSE?

I got back in my suit before our vacation was over, but when I did, I was inhibited. I tried like hell not to be, but it was hard.

The how-to-have-a-beach-body societal pressure has always made me bristle.  I want to believe that I am stronger than any societal messaging, but sometimes, when I'm feeling open and free and vulnerable, I get gob-smacked and I crash into a puddle of self-deprecating tears. And I believe every slanderous comment and magazine headline that says my body is not beautiful enough.

Except right now, I don't feel myself weakening with every nasty comment I hear on TV, I feel myself gaining STRENGTH.

So today, I'm taking that picture that I've been too ashamed to show anybody, and I'm putting it on the damn internet, and say... MY BODY IS NOT AN ORNAMENT - IT IS A GOOD BODY - I’M DONE SHAMING IT BECAUSE THAT DOESN’T SERVE ME, YOU, ANYONE.

I'm not gonna lie, I had to look long and hard at this picture to see my beauty. It was hard for me to look past the cellulite on my thighs to see my gentle smile, my relaxed shoulders, and that smokin' hot pink bathing suit I'm wearing!

The longer I stared, the more I saw.

My dignity. My brave. My strength. My fierce. My happy. My kids. My beauty.

(Whoa... it makes me tear up just to read those words.)

And I can see YOU too.

Listen gals, the ONLY WAY we are going to start seeing ourselves as normal, is if we reclaim ourselves. If we say... NO WAY BUDDY, YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ME THAT WAY!

We cannot hide. We cannot sulk. We cannot forsake our collective power as women because we are afraid.

We must STAND UP and reclaim OUR BODIES. We must STAND UP to the rhetoric, and say NO MAS. We must STAND UP to the bullies and say, HERE I AM.

I just finished up the most recent round of Stasia's Style School, and I'm so incredibly proud to say that there are literally DOZENS more women in the world, STANDING UP and saying, I WILL NOT HIDE ANY LONGER.

(I love you SSS5 Style Sisters!!  You know who you are!)

Meet Jennifer, Style Sister (and total fire cracker of awesome) from the latest round of SSS, and read what she has to say about reclaiming HER body!

"Before Style School, my default clothing choices were all about trying to hide my “problem areas” by dressing in long tops and dark colors, basically trying to be invisible. After seeing my photos every day in Style School, it was so clear that trying to hide those areas just didn’t work – more often than not it actually emphasized what I was trying to hide! So, despite my great resistance to it, as a Style School experiment, and in that safe space with the Style Sisters, I gave up trying to hide. It’s been an amazing mental shift to give up dressing from a place of shame and hiding and instead moving into a place of celebrating what I love, and who I am on the inside. I feel so much brighter and lighter, and more engaged in the world – more confident. It’s like I let go of a burden that I didn’t even know I was carrying. It’s been a much deeper and more meaningful change than I would have ever expected. Style School is so much more than the usual style "guides" - Stasia gives us the tools and the safe space to learn how to figure out how to let our best selves shine, inside and out." Jennifer G.

Right now is the PERFECT time to RECLAIM YOU!

Put on your shorts and your mini skirts. FREE YOUR KNEES. And your arms. And your belly! 

How in hell are we EVER going to normalize ALL WOMEN'S BODIES, if every perceived imperfection under the sun is being covered up and hidden from sight??  

It starts with me. And with you. 

If the thought of it gives you heart palpitations. Good. Do it anyway. I'll be doing it alongside you!

xoxo Stasia

The 4 Things I Learned When I Went Bathing Suit Shopping

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UPDATE 3/2/20 - I wrote this post nearly 5 years ago, and at the time, buying a full-coverage tankini was a HUGE victory for me. I was making progress, but as you’ll see, my body shame RAN DEEP. I have decided to INTENTIONALLY KEEP that body shaming language in this post because I think it serves as a historical record of MY OWN GROWTH. I wasn’t born loving my body. I’ve had to work like hell for it. And this… this serves as a reminder that if you DECIDE to stop believing the bullshit lies that tell you your body is not a good body, over the course of 5 years, YOU CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE HOW YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BODY. Because HERE, HERE and HERE are some posts I wrote more recently that speak to WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW, and wow, what a difference!

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Let me start by saying this... the VERY last time I went bathing suit shopping was in November 2005. It's been almost 10 years. I remember that shopping trip well. My husband and I had just finished our Peace Corps service in Moldova, and we had taken a 3-week post-service vacation to Thailand on our way back to the States. We explored the wats in Bangkok, trekked through the jungle in Chiang Mai, and then headed south to Phuket and the island of Ko Phi Phi Don for a week of snorkeling and sunbathing.

I didn't have a bathing suit when we arrived in Phuket, and I knew I needed one, so I went shopping. I remember walking into a bathing suit store, feeling a little apprehensive as one does when shopping in a foreign country where you don't speak the language. Almost immediately a Thai woman approached me and said, "We no have something for you. You too fat."

She didn't just SAY I was too fat once, she said it OVER and OVER and OVER again, AND then she pointed at my butt and used expressive hand motions to emphasize the point.

"TOO FAT."

I left the store in tears.

In retrospect, I know things were a wee bit "lost in translation" and I don't hold any grudges. But I do remember the shame.

Me and my fat American ass (I'm kidding!) did eventually find a bathing suit, but it was THE LAST TIME I went bathing suit shopping, until just a couple of days ago.

And just for reference, this is the suit I ended up buying, and this is what my body looked like at the time…

I'm not saying I haven't worn a bathing suit since then... sure I've patched tops and bottoms together over the years, but never in a way that made me feel good. They were hand-me-downs or thrifted good-enough tops and bottoms.

This year I said NO WAY. Because I will NOT spend another summer at the beach with my kids, pretending that "it's not really hot enough for mama to swim", just so I can stay safe tucked in my beach chair where nobody can see me in my suit.

NO MORE!

So I went for it... I went bathing suit shopping. And here's what I learned.

1. I didn't go BATHING SUIT SHOPPING. I went on a FREEDOM EXPEDITION.

Yes, I reframed the experience so it made more sense.

Let me ask you this... How much money would you PAY a fairy godmother to give you the freedom to run, play and swim with your kids at the beach for an entire summer without all the self-conscious body-image-baggage we so often carry with us?

Me, I'd pay AT LEAST $5000 for an entire summer's worth of THAT kind of freedom and fun with my kids!

This reframe benefited me BIG TIME in two ways:

1. I knew that no bathing suit I'd ever look at would cost $500, so no matter what I spent, I knew I'd be getting one hell of deal. Spending REAL MONEY ON SOMETHING NEW became a non-issue for this thrifter, because I was buying something far more precious than simply a swimsuit. I was buying FREEDOM from body shame.

2. Because I was gearing up for a FREEDOM EXPEDITION, I prepped and planned like any good expeditioner would.

2. Prepping for my FREEDOM EXPEDITION was KEY to my success.

I didn't just hop in the car and go shopping willy-nilly. I planned. Because I knew that walking into the store FEELING GOOD and with the right attitude would be the key to my success.

So here's what I did before I left:

• I gave myself a hot pink mani/pedi.

• I waxed my legs, bikini line and pits using THIS DIY sugar wax recipe.

• I put on a dress that made me feel strong and athletic.

• I OF COURSE wore red lipstick and an extra swoosh of blush to give myself some extra color, knowing I'd be under those awful florescent color-sucking lights.

• I wore the shoes I'd likely wear with my bathing suit (chaco sandals), so I'd have on the full beach outfit.

• I decorated adorned and embellished what I LOVE about my body because let's face it, you can't hide much in a bathing suit! Translation - I wore earrings, a couple of necklaces and a scarf because when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to recognize my beauty, and not be swept away by my “perceived imperfections”.

• I made sure I ate just enough food to be satiated (and not hangry) but not over-stuffed.

3. Pre-selecting my FREEDOM EXPEDITION DESTINATION increased my chances of finding THE PERFECT SUIT!

Before I left on my FREEDOM EXPEDITION, I shopped online, and figured out which stores I wanted to visit. I know my body, so I had a good idea as to what styles would and wouldn't work on my figure, so I looked for stores that sold suits that I thought would fit to flatter. I also knew I wanted something that made me feel strong, capable, confident, and playful, so that also influenced WHERE I looked.

(For example, most of the suits at J.Crew were too itty bitty, sleek and sexy for me, but the suits at Athleta had more coverage and a sporty look. In the end, I narrowed down my search to Athleta and Patagonia.)

4. Lipstick will only get you so far... A GOOD ATTITUDE IS KEY!

When I walked into the Athleta store, the ENTIRE STAFF was wearing spandex. Every single gal was in her early 20's and had buns of steel. I got a little bit freaked out when I walked in the door, but quickly gave myself a little pep talk and started filling me arms with suits.

When I hit the fitting room, I told the staff girls that I was on a FREEDOM EXPEDITION, and that I needed their help. No fake "that looks good on you" comments allowed. Humor absolutely necessary.

Some of the suits I tried looked terrible, and made both me and the staff girls a little cross-eyed. Some I couldn't figure out how to get into (and needed to ask for help). Sometimes an Extra-Small was too big and a Medium was too small.

I tried on so many suits I starting to get a kink in my neck!

But I did it. I found the PERFECT SUIT! 

No, it doesn't make my body look like it did when I was 22. No, I don't look all sleek and sexy... but that wasn't my goal. I wasn't looking for a magic eraser pencil. (And though the temptation is here to use my little editing tool to smooth out my thighs, I didn't.)

Here's why I selected THIS SUIT:

1. The black bottoms were just long enough to cover my hips (my pain point), and we all know that black slenderizes so it was my top choice for color!

2. The "busy" top draws the eyes UP because it is more visually interesting than the bottom. And gals, I want the eyes UP!!!

3. The horizontal stripes on the top trick the eye into thinking my upper body is wider than it is, which is GREAT because it balances out my hips.

4. All the detail on the back of the suit ONCE AGAIN naturally brings the eyes UP, and away from my butt and thighs.

All in all, the suit cost me just over $100. That's a lot of money for me - the girl who thrifts EVERYTHING - but again, the price tag didn't matter because the suit was simply my vehicle to FREEDOM + FUN WITH MY KIDS.

In the last few days, I've talked to quite a few women about my expedition, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM said to me, I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WENT BATHING SUIT SHOPPING!!

Listen gals, it' doesn't need to be scary. I actually had FUN!! I even treated myself to Ben & Jerry's after my expedition! You just need the right tools in your tool box.

If you don't feel like you've got the tools in your toolbox to KNOW what silhouettes work on your body type, then girl, you've got to join Stasia's Style School!! By the end of the course you'll have the skills, courage and confidence to embark on your own FREEDOM EXPEDITION, and come home victorious!

xo Stasia