How I Get Beach Body Ready.

I'm going to the beach next week.

Sea. Sunshine. Sand.

And body shame??

Nope. Not for this girl.

I've been doing this BODY LOVE work for a long time, but whenever I put on my bathing suit for the first time in 6 months, I feel... exposed, naked, vulnerable. Not only that, but my end-of-summer body is NEVER the same as my mid-winter-body, so me and my body gotta get to re-know each other a little bit.

That takes PRACTICE.

So today, I'm wearing my bathing suit around the house. To do housework. And to work at my computer.

Click the Instagram video below to see how I get myself Beach Body ready. BE SURE TO TURN UP THE VOLUME!!

Just me. My body. My kitties. My sourdough. And the toilet bowl brush.

DOING really good body things.

Any shame I feel is ALL MINE, and I get to sit tenderly with it. To breathe through it. To remind myself that I am SAFE.

The world is gonna do what the world is gonna do.

But my safety... it starts INSIDE OF ME.

So I'm cultivating it. Right now. Before I go.

So that when I get to that beach, I can ENJOY being in my body. And not worry about getting all stuck up inside my head, thinking shame-thought after shame-thought about how my body doesn't "measure up." Because truth is, I've got a GOOD BODY that does GOOD BODY things.

I mean, I'm not sure there is a person in this world that can double-sock-helicopter OR high-kick as well as me.

xo Stasia

PS. I want to invite you to SHARE THIS POST WITH YOUR FRIENDS! One, that video is funny as hell, and will be sure put a smile on their face. And two, this whole "practice in your bathing suit before you go to the beach" tip is pretty friggin smart.

Is this FLATTERING?

Who do YOU get dressed for?

Before you answer, "Me, of course!", I have a question for you.

Have you EVER asked yourself - your partner - your girlfriend - a stranger in the fitting room, "Is this... FLATTERING?"

Because if you have... then you're not getting dressed for you.

Flattering (noun) - full of praise or compliments

Flattering is code for -- Does this make me look smaller, longer, leaner, firmer than I actually am?

And it's no wonder, given the fat-phobic society we live in, where thinness is praised and complimented, and fatness, well, you know what they say about fat people.

(insert serious eye-roll)

Every time I ask –– IS THIS FLATTERING –– I am complicit in the upholding of a patriarchal + racist system that idealizes SOME bodies, at the expense of all other bodies. Which, let me be clear, benefits exactly NOBODY.

The closer you are to the ideal, the more privilege you have. And damn that privilege feels good. The praise! The compliments! All those shops that carry clothes in your size! (This is only the tip of the iceberg.) Except that position is tenuous. And you know it. Because like it or not, there is always somebody with a better body than you. And it's just a matter of time before a) your body changes and b) the rules of the game change. Eventually, you will slip further and further away from today's definition of ideal (it could all be different tomorrow), and so too will your self-worth.

Gals, THE SYSTEM IS RIGGED AGAINST US. And something as simple as, "Does this dress look flattering on me?" is what keeps us in line.

If your body is feeling ACTIVATED hearing my say that there's a 100% chance you're complicit in upholding this bullshit, fat-phobic system, I GET IT. Me too.

We're GOOD PEOPLE who have been swimming in the toxic messaging of the diet industry since before we could walk. Our mamas were ashamed of their bodies. And their mamas were ashamed of their bodies. (That's called intergenerational body shame, and it's a real thing.) Maybe they weren't always ashamed, because they were lucky enough to sit in that privileged seat for a while. But eventually, their bodies changed AND the rules changed, and their self-worth slipped right through their fingers.

Being complicit in this BULLSHIT SYSTEM isn't your fault. But it is your RESPONSIBILITY to find your way out of it.

The slickest, most brilliant way to break this broke-ass system is to get real clear on what you ACTUALLY BELIEVE. Because you can't un-believe something you don't know you believe!

The quest for FLATTERING bypasses our beliefs, which is awfully clever, because if we KNEW we believed this shit, women the world over would start a g'damn revolution!

So instead of asking, "Is this outfit flattering?" or "Do these pants make my butt look big?" ask yourself a different question. Like this: "How does this outfit make me FEEL?"

EXAMPLE:

Q. How does this outfit make me feel?
A. Groovy, strong, sexy, bold. Whew. It's scary to say that out loud. I don't think I'd dare wear this in public! It feels like... TOO MUCH!

GOOD DATA! What does TOO MUCH even mean? And let's think back to a time when you thought somebody was TOO MUCH. What thoughts did you think about them that you're afraid somebody might think about you?

Q. How does this outfit make me feel?
A. Fat. This outfit makes me feel fat.

GOOD DATA! What kinds of implicit and explicit anti-fat bias are you carrying around with you?? What do YOU think when you see a fat person? Why are you afraid of people thinking (or knowing) that you're fat? Or have fat on your body?

Q. How does this outfit make me feel?
A. I think I like it. But I'm not sure.

GOOD DATA! We live in a culture where we're trained to TRUST other people's opinions more than we're taught to trust our own damn selves. Learning to TRUST yourself takes practice. So let me ask you again, how does this outfit make you FEEEEEEL?

Q. How does this outfit make me feel?
A. Feel? I don't feel anything. PLEASE just tell me if this looks good.

GOOD DATA. It's okay if you can't feel your feelings. That doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, or that you're broken. I'd bet a million bucks that there was time when you DID feel your feelings, and it didn't work out for you, so now you FOLLOW THE RULES (instead of your feelings) to ensure your safety. This was a brilliant strategy for a while, but it's not serving you anymore. When you block out the big, ugly, vulnerable feelings, you block out all the good feelings too. And my word, THERE ARE JUST SO MANY GOOD FEELINGS TO FEEL!

Ever heard the saying... THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE, BUT FIRST IT WILL PISS YOU OFF. (Gloria Steinem)

Well, that's THIS. You can't heal what you can't feel (or acknowledge), so let's get FEELING!!

Grab yourself a sticky note and write down, "HOW DOES THIS MAKE ME FEEL?" and post it to your mirror.

And also before anybody asks... NO, I AM NOT SAYING YOU SHOULD WEAR THE MUFFIN TOP PANTS because #fuckflattering.

If you put on the muffin-top pants and your brain is shaming you up one side and down the other - TAKE OFF THE DARN PANTS, and put on something that makes you FEEL good. Ignoring the shame isn't gonna make it go away.

AND NOW, I WANT YOU TO BUCKLE UP, BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO CONTRADICT EVERYTHING I JUST SAID! (BREAKING A BROKEN SYSTEM IS NUANCED BUSINESS!)

I've found that when you're first starting out on this journey, it actually makes sense to focus on LOOKING GOOD (how ya doing, flattering) because LOOKING GOOD will make you FEEL GOOD.

Which is why I focus on both LOOKING GOOD TO FEEL GOOD and FEELING GOOD TO LOOK GOOD in Style School.

I teach you how to DRESS YOUR BODY (your shape) in a way that LOOKS GOOD, while also teaching you how to FEEL GOOD in your one-and-only body, with our without any clothes on!

And/both. Not either/or.

xo Stasia

PS. And also, the problem is NOT in the giving + receiving of compliments! It's the dependency on those compliments that get us into trouble!

PPS. Like what you read here? Then scroll on down to the bottom and share this post with your people on Facebook. Wouldn’t it be nice if you ALL stopped asking, IS THIS FLATTERING together?!?!

How Bodies Are Like Bread

I don't cook. EVER. That's my husband's job. 

Save for the three meals I sorta know how to make, if I bother looking at the recipe.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That's the sound of the smoke alarm. I set it off every damn time I go into the kitchen. The kids dread it when I cook because they know it means they're eating something burnt, something cold, something dry, something "well done". 

So when my friend Nici from Dig This Chick asked me if I wanted to take her sourdough break baking class last April, I burst out laughing. NO THANK YOU, I said. I hate cooking. 

But... it was corona-time, the news was stressing me out, my kids were driving me bananas, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to flex my "be brave enough to suck at something new" muscle. So I said WHAT THE HELL, and signed up for the class. 

And then, I braced myself, because it's hard to suck, to make mistakes, to fail.  

We're trained to believe that our successes defines our worthiness, and our failures, well, good luck with that, suckaaaaaaa. 

So, I psyched myself up with a pre-class-pep-talk.  

Stasia, you've never made bread before. You don't like cooking. And you're allergic to the kitchen. The instructions are 12 pages long, with a bazillion steps, that happen over the course of three days. IF YOU MAKE BREAD, and it comes out looking like a hockey puck, don't worry about it. It's fine. It doesn't mean you should quit, give up, or call yourself mean names. It just means you're learning. And you should be hella proud of yourself for giving it a go!

On Day 1 of the sourdough bread baking class, I sat and watched as person after person filled the Zoom chat-box with "but what if I fail" comments. 

It was heart breaking. I wanted to scream out... OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL! IF NOT THIS LOAF, THEN THE NEXT LOAF. OR THE LOAF AFTER THAT. YOU'RE LEARNING SOMETHING NEW, AND THAT IS AWESOME! DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND LET THE LOOK-OF-YOUR-LOAF DETERMINE YOUR VALUE, YOUR WORTHINESS, YOUR JOY. 

Nici, the instructor, was onto it. Over and over she'd say... NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE BREAD. 

We tell our kids "practice makes progress", but when it comes time for us to learn something new for the first time... we're terrified. 

And I get it. It's part of our training, our indoctrination, our brainwashing. 

It takes guts to call out the lies, and find comfort in the discomfort of failure. 

With my pep-talk in one pocket, and Nici's words - NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE BREAD, in my other pocket, I made my first loaf of bread, ever!

What a loaf! I was ecstatic with joy, and wondered if maybe I was a natural. I baked a few more loaves, all on my own, and hell if they weren't perfect too. I was beginning to think I was made of sourdough magic. 

And then came the hockey pucks. For WEEKS I made nothing hockey pucks.

Hockey pucks. Hockey pucks. Hockey pucks.

I mean sure, it was still bread. But I was starting to get frustrated. So I pulled that pep talk outta my pocket, and REMEMBERED.

You are new to making bread, and things have CHANGED since you first learned. The temperatures have changed. The flour has changed. The humidity has changed. Stay at it. Keep trying. Don't keep doing things the way you did them before things changed, and expect them to work. Make adjustments. Tweak. Try something new. And above all, STAY BRAVE, Stasia. STAY BRAVE. 

So I did. I stayed brave. I focused on the process. And I felt PROUD for not quitting. I dug in, I did research, I adjusted the kinds of flour I used, I adjusted the water, I adjusted the process. 

I didn't get mad. I got practiced.

And hell if I didn't figure it out... 

I'm on a roll right now with my perfect loaves, but I know that change is coming. The weather is about to shift, which means there's a good chance that what I'm doing today isn't gonna work next month. And I'll be back to hockey pucks. I can't blame the bread. The weather. Myself. 

Change turns everything that was known into something brand new. 

Bodies are like bread. 

When my body changes, I have to learn its nuances again for the first time. I have to shift my hemlines. I have to change the rise in my jeans. I have to buy bigger underpants. 

When I started my "style journey", I had NO IDEA how it would impact my life. I thought I would figure out how to put cute outfits together, find clothes that fit my body, mix patterns and wear big earrings. 

I thought that was my goal... but really, it was just the byproduct of "being brave enough to suck at something new".

I have spent the last 5 years becoming a beginner, over and over again. And with each new BEGINNING, I fall down, I stumble, I cry, I make mistakes. And then I get back up. Bruised. Battered. Proud. Fueled by BRAVE ENERGY. And HUNGRY to learn, grow, live even larger.

If you're looking to put some cute outfits together and find clothes that make you feel amazing in your today-body, you'll find that in Style School. And do you know how you'll get there? By BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO SUCK AT SOMETHING NEW. There is nothing more POWERFUL than being in community with a group of women who are HUNGRY to learn, to grow, to live their best lives. 

When you've got women-in-your-corner who SEE YOUR BRAVE, who are ON YOUR TEAM, who BELIEVE IN YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS, you can't help but revel in every "mistake", because it means YOU'RE LEARNING, YOU'RE GROWING, YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ALL THE NOISE THAT SAYS MISTAKES ARE POISON.

Just imagine what it would FEEL LIKE to have 40 women CHEERING FOR YOU in your Style School Sister Squad, day after day, with every brave step you took toward YOURSELF.

Honestly, it brings tears to my eyes. 

Registration for the next session of Style School opens Wednesday, February 28, 2024.

If you've been on the fence... now's your chance.  

I'm ready to cheer you on. 
xo Stasia 

I refuse to hide my body.

Question for ya. 

How many of you are getting younger?

Show of hands. 

Wait? How many? Exactly ZERO of you?

That's right. ZERO of you are getting younger. 

Interesting, isn't it, to think that NONE OF US are getting any younger, yet we live in a culture/society that teaches us that we gotta work harder to "get back" to our yesterday-body. The one we had BEFORE. When we were younger. 

Before you had a baby. Before you had surgery. Before you were diagnosed with a chronic illness. Before you had cancer. Before you hit menopause. Before you got divorced. Before the pandemic. Before grief struck. Before you gained 15 pounds for no "good reason" other than... you-have-a-body-and-it-changed.  

Here's the thing. There is ALWAYS going to be a before. 

When I was 25, I hated my body, and I wished for my 20 year old body. 
When I was 30, I hated my body, and I wished for my 25 year old body. 
When I was 35, I hated my body, and I wished for my 30 year old body.
When I was 40, I hated my body, and I wished for my 35 year old body. 

TRICKS ON ME, folks.

I was in a perpetual state of yearning for my yesterday-body, never EVER happy with my today-body. 

It never occurred to me that I was indoctrinated into a system of structural, social and societal bigotry that shames, dismisses and demoralizes fat bodies and aging bodies as being UN-ATTRACTIVE, UN-WORTHY, and UN-LOVABLE.

Nor did I consider that entire industries are counting on me hating myself so they can continue to make HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS OF DOLLAR off of my self-loathing. 

I spent most of my adult life at war with my body. Afraid of my body. Ashamed of my body. 

And here's the thing. I'm a white, straight, cis-gendered, able-bodied, thin woman living in America. 

In other words, I'm fucking privileged. And I STILL hated my body. I STILL feared what it might become. 

Gals, YOUR BODY IS NOT THE PROBLEM. 

Ageism. Racism. Sexism. Able-ism. Capitalism. Fat-phobia. 

THAT is the problem.

I absolutely REFUSE to HIDE MY BODY. I REFUSE to slink away in shame. I REFUSE to participate in a system that was designed to hijack my worthiness. 

Maybe you've been "lucky enough" to work hard and attain some kind of aesthetic today-body-satisfaction, but guess what? That doesn’t get you off the hook. Your body is going to go ahead and change. Because that's what bodies do. And eventually there will come a time when there won't be a diet or system or a cream or a procedure or a device that can "cure" your aging/changing body.

And you're going to be STUCK in your today-body. With ZERO skills of self-acceptance. 

OR, maybe you're not one of the "lucky ones" that can change your body into something you deem desirable, and you feel frustrated about that, so you're hiding your body. Waiting for your body to listen - obey - do as it’s told. 

You've pushed pause on life. 
You're waiting until you "lose that covid-15" to buy new pants. 
You're giving yourself one-more-year to lose that weight before buying yourself some clothes that make your SOUL FIRE sing. 

Here's what I think. 

THE GIG IS UP. 

Your today-body is a GOOD BODY, and it's time you start treating it as such.

How do you do that?

You say THANK YOU BODY, for being such a good body.
You say THANK YOU LEGS, for being such good legs.
You say THANK YOU ARMS, for being such good arms. 

When you show gratitude to your today-body for being a GOOD BODY that does GOOD BODY THINGS, then you are celebrating it for doing it's JOB. It's actual real and true job of supporting you as you LIVE YOUR ONE GLORIOUS LIFE!

When you show your body that kind of gratitude, your relationship with your body WILL CHANGE. 

When I was 41, I hated my body.
Now, I'm 45, and I feel Good as Hell in my today-body. And I’m done HIDING IT.

My body didn't change.
My relationship with my body changed.
Because I CHANGED how I interacted with my body. 

It's not easy, changing how you interact with your body. 

It's taken me years to RENAME, REFRAME, UNSHAME the conversations I have with and about my body, but I'll tell you what, it's one of the best things I've EVER done for myself. 

When I stopped hating myself, do you know what I found? MY VOICE. 

I have used my VOICE to cheer me, and THOUSANDS OF OTHER WOMEN on, because loving yourself is NOT EASY. 

It takes guts and commitment and tenacity and resilience to stand up to a system that’s intent on seeing you fail. 

Do you know what else it takes… COMMUNITY. 

We're up against a lot, me and you. And there is NOTHING LIKE BEING PART OF A SISTERHOOD of women who believe in you, who are committed to breaking through the noise of “too-much-ness” and “not-enough-ness” with you, and who SEE YOU in all of your worthiness, just as you are, in your one and only today-body.

Registration for the next session of Style School opens on Friday, August 28th, at noon EST.

If you're an alum, and you know someone who is itching for some revel-YOU-tionary SELF LOVE and sisterhood, then please forward this email to them. If that person itching to join the SSS sisterhood is you, then mark your calendars for Friday, August 28th, because I'll tell you what... the world is changing, and it needs YOUR VOICE, YOUR BRAVERY, YOUR FIRE more than anything right now. 

CURIOUS ABOUT THIS THING CALLED "STYLE SCHOOL"?

You're in luck, because I've gone ahead and taken TWO MEGA FOUNDATIONAL CHUNKS of the SSS curriculum, and turned them into a FREE CLASS. And I'm gonna teach it LIVE, on Thursday, August 27th at noon EST, so you can see FIRST HAND what a day-in-the-life of Style School is ALL ABOUT. 

Here's what I'll be covering in the PERSONAL STYLE FROM THE INSIDE OUT free webinar:

• What is Inside-Out Congruency

• Why I redefined BEAUTY

• How to decode your body’s shape

• How to unlock the magic of balance and proportion

Even if you don't want to do Style School, OR if you've already done Style School and just want a REFRESHER, you'll want to join this webinar because HOLY BUCKETS I'm giving out - FOR FREE - some seriously good Style School content.  Content that will challenge the way you think about style, teach you some things you've probably never learned before (hello balance and proportion), and inspire you to TRY A NEW WAY OF BEING IN YOUR TODAY-BODY. 

If you can't make it live, no big deal, because I'll be sending out the recording RIGHT AFTER THE CALL. All you gotta do is SIGN UP HERE to gain access to the webinar and the recording.  

If you've got ANY questions at all, find me on Instagram @StasiaSavasuk or send me an email and let me know. 

I'm ready and ROARING to go! 

xo Stasia