Are You on Your Body's Team?

As many of you already know, two weeks ago today, I was out camping with my family when I noticed a lump in my breast. A significant lump. A lump that honest-to-goodness came outta nowhere. 

I had a mammogram in March. It wasn't there.
I had a breast exam in June. It wasn't there. 

And then baBAM, there is was. The size of a peanut m+m. Visible to the naked eye. 

I saw my midwife that afternoon. And a week later, I had an ultrasound. 

The results of the ultrasound suggested that the lump wasn't a cyst. It was a tumor. 

A TUMOR.

I was immediately scheduled for a lumpectomy. 

Do you know that feeling when you're driving along on a slushy or muddy road, and the wheel keeps herking and jerking in every direction but straight, and it takes all your presence of mind to stay in your lane? 

Well, that's what it felt like for me to STAY IN MY OWN LANE, and not get lost in imagination land, where I have a first-class degree in worst case scenarios. 

Every time my mind wanted to veer off into the land of WHAT IF... I had to DISRUPT that thought, and PIVOT back to the present moment. 

And do you know HOW I disrupted that thought?

WITH GRATITUDE. 

"I am so grateful to have such a good body that does good body things."
"I am so grateful I'm not at war with my body anymore."
"I am so grateful that I'm on my body's team."

I haven't always had the ability to disrupt and pivot away from those worst-case-scenario thoughts toward more present-minded thoughts. Nor have I always had this kind of reverence and respect for my today-body. 

You KNOW I spent most of my life hating my body for being "too" something.

Too small. Too big. Too dimply. Too fleshy. Too jiggly. Too droopy. Too knobby. Too skinny. Too fat. Too slow. Too awkward. Too loud. 

Whenever something happened TO my body, I was convinced that my body was doing something TO ME. Betraying me. Making fun of me. Shaming me. 

I was at war with my body. 

I thought my body's job was TO BEHAVE, and when it didn't, I was angry with it. 

"I've gone to the gym for 2 hours a day, almost every day for a year, and STILL you have cellulite. Damn you body."

"I've been cutting carbs for months now, and I STILL can't ditch the muffin top. Damn you body."

"I've done all the right things during this pregnancy, and I STILL miscarried. I STILL had a baby who was born with a host of physical differences. I STILL grew a "too big" baby. Damn you body. Why do you hate me so much."
 
As if any of that was my fault, OR my body's fault. 

Over the years, I've come to learn that my body's job isn't TO BEHAVE. My body's job is to be a body.

And guess what? 

My body does a damn good job being a body.

Our bodies work HARD. They are constantly changing, adapting, healing, and growing. They endure stress and grief and loss and hardship. They are doing EVERYTHING THEY CAN to keep us alive and well. And most of the time, they go about their business without so much as a thank you. 

The least we can do for our bodies is love them in return. And thank them. And remember that if something goes "wrong", it's not our body being an asshole. It's our body being a body... vulnerable, fragile, tender, fallible. 

On Wednesday, I went into surgery to get the tumor removed, feeling supported AND loved after spending the morning on Zoom with the gals in SSSPlatinum.

The procedure was hard on me AND my body. I watched and listened as the doctor sliced out a brownie-sized chunk of my breast. My body laid still as the doctor sliced out a brownie-sized chunk of its breast. We both hurt. We both winced from the discomfort. We both trembled. 

It took a full 24 hours for me to stop crying. Because it was hard. ALL OF IT was hard. 

And in that space of hardship, I found solace knowing that me and my body... we're on the same team, and we can handle whatever comes next. 

On Friday, I spent the afternoon blueberry picking with my family here in the wilds of Vermont, and I can hardly describe the feeling of EMBODIMENT that I felt. The sense of EASE. The knowing, that no matter what, WE were going to be okay. 

Later that afternoon, when the doctor called to say my biopsy results came back BENIGN, I was both overwhelmed and underwhelmed. I thought I'd CRY OUT in relief, body crumbling to the ground, but I didn't. I thanked the doctor for letting me know, told my family and friends the good news, and felt... at ease. 

It felt strange to feel so at ease. It STILL feels strange to feel so at ease. 

And now, as I write this note to you, tears are welling up in my eyeballs.

I've talked a good gratitude game for a long-ass time. I've practiced gratitude toward my today-body for years. And now, I'm seeing and feeling the POWER OF GRATITUDE more than I ever have, ever, in my whole life.

Six years ago I hated my body. I was at war with my body. I thought that my body was against me. And then... I changed my pants, and my whole damn life changed. 

It was my FIRST STEP toward realizing my body was not the problem. 

Over the years, I've built a loving relationship with my body... not by changing my body, but by changing my mind. I stood up against a system that was dead-set on keeping me at war with my body (we all know that war is profitable), and forged a new relationship with my body. One rooted in courage, confidence and congruency. Not vitriol, virulence, and vindictiveness. 

When I set out to "get right with style" all those years ago, I had NO IDEA that I was embarking on a journey of radical self-love. I had no idea that I'd someday wear a bikini, and not feel shame. I had no idea that I'd someday find a tumor in my breast, and rely on all those years of PRACTICING GRATITUDE FOR MY TODAY-BODY to keep me grounded, present, steady and at ease.

One thing is for sure. It's taken YEARS of consistent practice, with you by my side, to access this kind of steadiness. 

So thank you. THANK YOU for joining me on this journey of RADICAL SELF LOVE. 

I love you. All of you.

Stasia 

I Interviewed Raisa. Here Is What She Said.

You know how your phone will flash you a memory from two years ago, and it'll absolutely stop you in your tracks? Well, a couple of days ago, my phone flashed THIS PHOTO:

This is my daughter, Raisa.

Isn't she something? 

I mean... LOOK AT THOSE BROWS!

I took this photo for my TEDx talk. (It was included in the slides.) And then she WORE this outfit TO my TEDx talk for a little photo recognition! 

"Hey wait - that's the kiddo in the slide show!"

When this photo popped onto my screen a couple of days ago, it stopped me in my tracks because Raisa doesn't wear bowties anymore. 

At first my heart sank in sadness, because dang I LOVED her in button-downs and bowties. But then I thought about her today-style and realized... OF COURSE HER STYLE HAS CHANGED!

SHE has changed. 

Lately she's been ALL about the tees and the button-downs and the hair-swoosh, and I thought to myself... I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HER TODAY-STYLE! I mean, it's changed right before my very eyes, and I hadn't paused long enough to GET CURIOUS ABOUT IT. 

So I grabbed my computer, wrote down a bunch of questions, and requested a formal interview. 

Imagine my surprise when she said YES!

Mama: Raisa, you used to wear a lot of button-down shirts and bowties, but I noticed that you don't wear those anymore. Can you tell me why your style changed? 

Raisa: I don't like to be that fancy anymore. Now I like to be fancy and cool at the same time. 

Mama: Fancy and cool. Can you tell me what FANCY + COOL looks like to you? 

Raisa: I like to wear t-shirts. VIBRANT t-shirts. With button-downs, opened, with the sleeves rolled up. In the summer I like to wear shorts, with my royal blue sneakers. In the winter I like to wear jeans, with my black and blue hightop Vans. 

Mama: Do you wear this fancy-cool combo all the time? Some of the time? For special occasion?

Raisa: Every single day. All the time. Even on hikes. Wherever I go, this is what I wear. 

Mama: Why?

Raisa: Because it gives me a spark. It makes me FEEL GOOD. It makes people notice me. 

Mama: Speaking of being noticed... I'm your mama, so I have noticed that people sometimes stare at you. Why do you think people stare?

Raisa: Because I look different and unique. I mean, I have a four-fingered hand. I wear hearing aids. And people usually can't tell if I'm a boy or a girl. 

Mama: How does it make you FEEL when people stare?

Raisa: Eh, I don't care. It makes me smile because they're either interested, or curious. I like to be interesting! I mean... why should they NOT stare? We're all interesting in our own way. We all have a unique quality that nobody else has.

When little kids stare at me, I try to be my BEST self because I want them to see the BEST part of me first. I want them to see the fun side, the happy side, the loving side. 

When grown-ups stare at me, I usually just say hi or smile. 

Mama: What about bullies. Have you ever been bullied?

Raisa: I don't know. I mean, I guess so. But I don't take it that way. If I don't FEEL bullied, am I even being bullied? 

Mama: Who are you? (This was a trick question of sorts. Usually when I ask grownups this question, they say something like... I'm a mother, a friend, an attorney. I'm 41 years old. I live in Kansas. I have 4 cats.  But they never actually tell me WHO THEY ARE. I was curious to see how she'd answer this question.)

Raisa: I'm a happy, vibrant, fun, active person. I love to make people laugh because it means I've raised someone's spirits, and that makes me feel happy. 

Mama: Anything you wanna tell anybody about STYLE?

Raisa: You taught me to dress how you want to feel. Like, if you want to be a happy person, then wear something every day that makes you happy. Wear your favorite clothes. Everyday. It doesn't matter what activity you're doing... you wear your favorite outfit because it'll lift your spirits and make you feel good. It doesn't matter what other people think. OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT YOU. You are your own person. 

Mama: Actually, you taught me that Raisa. Don't you remember?! We call it Inside-Out Congruency. I did a whole TEDx talk about it! You were there. You got a standing ovation for goodness sake! 

❤️❤️❤️

After the interview was over, we got on ThredUp together and ordered a handful of new (second-hand) back-to-school button-down shirts. Colorful shirts. The kind that will give her the SPARK when she wears them. 

She walked outta my office, eyes forward / shoulders back, feeling pretty friggin good that her mama had taken the time to GET CURIOUS about the way she chooses to show up in the world. She felt psyched that I was able to ask her good questions while we were clothes shopping online. 

Will this give you the spark?
Is this one vibrant enough for you?
Do you think this one will make you feel cool?

I'll tell you what... she walked outta that 10-minute online shopping sesh feeling SEEN. 

And I thought... wouldn't it be cool if WE ALL INTERVIEWED OUR KIDS through the lens of  WONDEROUS CURIOSITY before doing our back-to-school shopping? 

Because then we'll not only learn more about the inner workings of our kids, but they'll likely drop some pretty fly kid-wisdom on us that'll make our heads explode with wonder and awe.

Like when Raisa said... [being stared at] makes me smile because they're either interested, or curious. I like to be interesting. I mean... why should they NOT stare? We're all interesting in our own way. We all have a unique quality that nobody else has.

🤯🤯🤯

Imagine if we noticed someone staring at us, and we ASSUMED it was because they were interested or curious about our uniqueness? And that made us smile and want to CONNECT with them? 

Seriously. IMAGINE IT. 

Wouldn't it change HOW you showed up in the world? Wouldn't you walk around differently if you were eager and ready to make eye contact with whoever thought you were interesting? Wouldn't you FEEL differently in your body if you didn't assume people were being judgmental boogers.

What would you wear if there were NO RULES?
What would you wear if you were getting dressed FOR YOU?

Guess what? 

There are no rules. You CAN get dressed for you.

Like my friend Debra Rapoport likes to say... "Where there are no rules, there is no fear."

So how about before you get dressed today or tomorrow, you think about WHO YOU ARE and HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL, and show your YOU-NESS on the outside! 

If this feels scary or daunting or OMG I HATE MY WHOLE CLOSET AND NOTHING FITS... don't worry. We've all been there. It might SEEM impossible, but it's not. I promise you, it's not. 

xo Stasia 

PS. If you haven't watched my TEDx talk, grab a tissue, and see Raisa's standing ovation for yourself!

Sexism. Stereotypes. And the color PINK.

How many of you have a rough relationship with the color PINK? I mean, PINK has historically been filled to the gills with pink-is-for-girls-blue-is-for-boys sexism.

For years I thought pink was too "girly", too soft, too innocent to be worn by a grown-ass woman. 

If I wanted to be seen as STRONG + EMPOWERED + BOLD, I did NOT want to be seen wearing PINK. 

So in my effort to step into my power as a woman and buck stereotypes, I refused to wear pink. 

What I didn't realize, though, was that by refusing to wear pink based on the stereotype, I was completely validating the stereotype.

In other words, I was still operating WITHIN the pink-is-for-girls-blue-is-for-boys stereotype because I was basing what I wore (or didn't wear) on what other people thought.

THAT'S what a stereotype is, right? An over-generalized BELIEF/THOUGHT by a lot of people, about a certain group of people.

So in order to truly STEP OUTSIDE the stereotype and prejudice that's inherent in the pink-is-for-girls-blue-is-for-boys sexism, I needed to buck the stereotype and decide if I even LIKED pink.

In other words, I had to check in with how pink made me FEEL, outside the stereotype. 

So a whole bunch of years ago, I started experimenting with all the shades of pink. And turns out, wearing pink makes me FEEL joy-filled, playful, individuated, tender-hearted, bold, and fiercely-feminine. All feelings that for me, are based in strength and vulnerability and courage. 

Stereotype be damned. I LOVE PINK! 

Which brings me to last week's #5DayStyleChallenge of wearing PINK for a week! 

Day 1 - I thrifted this NEON PINK button down shirt last year, and honestly, I have NO IDEA why neon EVER went out of style in the 80's. I went a little bananas with the accessories, and piled on a neon beaded necklace (HERE), a black leather necklace, and orange earrings (HERE). Now you might look at this accessory-combo and think... "geez, I'm not sure that jewelry GOES together". And to that I say... it goes 'cuz I say it goes!

Day 2 - Pink AND ruffles! When I first saw this sweatshirt at the Goodwill, I laughed out loud because I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen. I often do Instagram stories from thrift-store fitting rooms, where I try on all sorts of weird and wild and funny things, and thought sure THIS TOP would make good comedy. The second I put it on I laughed... but then three seconds after that, I realized that OMG I LOVE THIS FREAKIN' TOP!

I battled with myself for about 3 minutes.

I LOVE IT. No I don't. I LOVE IT. No I don't. I LOVE IT. 

The fact that it was a pastel pink, ruffled sweatshirt made me feel cheeky and badass and irreverent. But I struggled with the tight crewneck and full length sleeves.

So, I bought it, brought it home, and immediately CUT OUT the neck, and CUT OFF the cuffs.

Hello new favorite!

Day 3 - I was shocked to find that I was running low on pink (I thought I had a lot more), so I had to get creative. I went through all my drawers looking for a pink top, and all I could find was my pajama tank top. And I went for it. I layered my pink pajama top under the lace cardigan I wore for last month's #5DayStyleChallenge, put on the headband from the day before, the necklace from the day before that, and the jeans from every-damn-day, and felt awfully clever and resourceful, wearing my pajamas as clothes-clothes for a whole day! 

Day 4. I had to REACH. I went into the basement to see if I had anything PINK tucked away, and heck if I didn't find this blue dress with pink flowers! I didn't wear it last summer because we were off adventuring, hiking in different national parks all over the country, so I had forgotten all about it! The last time I wore it was for my TEDx dress rehearsal in 2018. Whaaat?! It felt awfully fancy for a weekday, but hey, WHY NOT!? Nothing wrong with feeling fancy!

Day 5 - I was outta closet-options, so I went straight to my needs-fixing pile, and pulled out this handmade dress that has about 5 holes in it, right along the seams. Since Vermont is still SHUT DOWN, and I was going to be home all day, I decided to wear the dress, holes and all. You probably noticed that this dress looks like it was MADE for my body, and here's the thing. It was! Meg McElwee from Sew Liberated designed the #StasiaDress a few years ago, and it's a true beauty. Now... if I could just get around to fixing it! 

Day 6 - I was having so much darn fun with PINK, I decided to wear my favorite PINK polypro hiking top for a quick jaunt into the mountains! 

And just in case you're wondering... yes, I do see the cellulite on my thighs. And no, I'm not ashamed of it.

There was a time though, when I would have DELETED this photo immediately, and sunk into a pool of shame so murky, so deep, so thick with disgust, that it would have taken months, maybe years to recover. 

Yes, that's how much I hated my body. 

My body hasn't changed since then. My MIND has. Because like I always say, body shame has absolutely NOTHING to do with your body, and EVERYTHING to do with your MIND. 

And boy does it feel good to notice a photo like this, and NOT feel shame. 

I spent YEARS thinking that the ONLY way to NOT FEEL SHAME in my body... was to FIX my body. 

Turns out, I was wrong. 

#mybodyisnotaproblem

Aaaand there you have it, my journey with pink for a whole entire week.

Oh, and pssst. Did you notice that as you scrolled from picture to picture, the vibe of each outfit was different than the one before? I used to think that meant I wasn't STYLISH ENOUGH because I couldn't figure out if I liked hiking clothes, fancy dresses, messy hair, giant-ass ruffles, lipstick, or leapord print Vans. I surly couldn't like ALL of those things!! They're so... DIFFERENT!! 

But over the years I've come to realize that WE ARE DYNAMIC/COMPLEX HUMAN BEINGS, so OF COURSE how we SHOW UP is gonna change from day to day.

THAT is the DEFINITION OF STYLE if you ask me! 

xo Stasia 

Why Style Is Not Petty or Superficial

In a Pinterest and Instagram world, obsessed with looks and image, it’s no wonder many of us fall for the assumption that style is petty and superficial.

You know, deep down, that all that glitters is not gold, and there’s more to someone than meets the eye.

Interestingly, though, when I ask the women who sheepishly roll into Style School WHY they are here, their replies hit me straight in the gut.

In other words? Their reasons are DEEP… the absolute, polar opposite of shallow. Lemme show you what I mean:

"I try to emulate what others wear, but it doesn't reflect MY inner essence, so it's never quite right. I want a style that reflects MY personality."

"After the birth of my daughter and some serious weight gain, I was left wondering WHO AM I, and how in heck do I dress myself."

"I want to look in the mirror again, and like the person looking back."

"I feel like I’ve lost myself along the way (kids), and I'm ready to find out WHO I AM again."

"I've done a lot of heart and soul work in the last few years, and I want my outside to reflect my inside."

"I'm turning 60 this year, and I want my life to be about ME and MY choices, not what I think everyone else wants for me."

"I'm ready to stop hiding behind my clothes. I want my wardrobe to say THIS IS ME."

"I'm often frustrated… not BEING ME and not SHOWING UP."

"There’s an identify confusion - WHO AM I?"

"How am I supposed to know what MY style is? It's easy to default to old clothes I've worn forever that no one will notice. But I'm sick of that. I'm sick of discomfort. I'm sick of feeling unsure of WHO I AM."

WHOA, right?

Any of that sound petty or superficial to you?

Or is it the damn opposite? TRUTH, HONESTY and VULNERABILITY.

Were you nodding along, saying YES YES YES? Me too!

Here’s what I know to be true:

The most beautifully curated closet in the world will feel like a complete farce if it isn't a reflection of your YOU-NESS. (Ain’t nobody feeling fresh while faking a farce.)

STYLE does NOT MEAN “fitting in”. It does not mean “dressing in a way that impresses others”. It does not mean “fake it till you make it”.

Personal STYLE is showing up in the world feeling so deeply connected to yourself, that your outsides? What people see? Is a TRUE reflection of WHO YOU ARE on the inside. It’s a knowing so great, so deep, so profound, that hiding becomes an impossibility.

I call this Inside-Out Congruency, and lemme tell you, connecting your insides with your outsides is big, deep work.

There’s nothing superficial about finding the courage to really KNOW yourself, and SHOW yourself.

Our old nemesis, the “beauty” industry, perpetuates the myth that style happens on the outside, because that’s what SELLS. The intrinsic fear you and I have of not “fitting in” drives us to shell out the shillings!

Fear drives spending. And the beauty industry is one of the most profitable markets in the world. Make no mistake, you’re no dummy for buying what they’re selling. You’re wired for connection. A deep, true longing, that will not be satiated by anything other than true connection.

Unfortunately, when what you’re buying is about how to “fit in” you’ll find yourself starving, and then return to the same seller, and buy the whole damn thing again. You’ll drift further and further from the anchor of your soul, and turn all of the anger and blame onto your body. If it’s not working for you, YOU must be the problem.

WRONG.

Here’s the realio dealio: Personal style is about belonging completely to yourself, first and foremost, and THAT is the magic door that opens you for true connection and belonging with others.

Let's look at my daughter, Raisa, for a minute, so we can truly understand the difference between "fitting in" and "belonging".

Raisa is a bowtie wearing, blazer sporting, pattern mixing little turkey that I couldn't imagine any other way. Before she knew about the conventional rules of what a girl is "supposed" to wear, she intuitively KNEW herself.

I wanted to protect her, to help her "fit in" with the other girls, but she KNEW better than I did, what it felt like to be herself.

When she wore the tunics and headbands that I encouraged her to wear, her confidence tanked, and she lost the sure footing of knowing herself, what she liked, and what she wanted.

But when she SHOWS UP, eyes forward, shoulders back, in her body, wearing the clothes that FEEL right for her... she’s grounded. She knows exactly who she is. No pretense. No shame. No HIDING.

And BECAUSE she said NO, THANK YOU to fitting in... she knows what it means to BELONG.

To BELONG is to feel LOVED for WHO YOU ARE, not for who you are pretending to be.

Why would I want to teach Raisa to let go of herself in order to fit in?!

It’s a simple answer: I didn’t know another way. I didn't know WHO IN HELL I WAS.

And what does one do when she doesn’t know WHO she is?

She choses safety. She looks around, finds a way to blend in, stay neutral, not stand out. She hides the complexity of who she is, and suffocates herself in fleece, khakis, and sensible brown shoes.

Yea… I’m talking about me.

I let my role, the things I loved to do, and the people who “made the style rules for those roles and activities” dictate the way I should dress myself.

And I felt disconnected from my truest self. Small. Dim.

Here’s what I’ve learned to be true: WHO I AM and HOW I WANT TO FEEL is my TRUE north star, guiding me deeper into myself, and in the process, opening my heart up for true connection with others. How I present myself to the world has nothing to do with my “station” in life, and everything to do with my soul.

Here's what I want you to do...

1. Ask yourself WHO AM I? Grab a pen and paper and write, write, write until your fingers hurt. Come up with a list of words (NOT ROLES) that describe WHO YOU ARE. If this isn’t WHO you want to be, then my guess is that it’s a false self, in other words, who you became when you lost the truth of yourself… and it doesn’t FIT anymore. You’ve outgrown it. If that’s the case for you, ask yourself WHO AM I LONGING TO BE? Odds are that’s the REAL you, ready to be seen by you first, and set free!

2. Take that list of words, and narrow it down to the top 5 words that make your soul-fire sing.

3. Go to your closet, and see what you have that connects you to those words/feelings.

In other words, if one of your words is BRAVE, then go through your shirts, try them on, and see if any of them make you FEEL BRAVE. Try on your earrings, necklaces, boots, and headscarves, and ask yourself... DOES THIS MAKE ME FEEL BRAVE?

Do it over and over again. Find those things. Use your closet to help connect you to WHO YOU ARE.

It takes work. It takes practice. It takes guts.

That's why I created Stasia's Style School. It’s a framework from which to practice stepping into your you-ness, with a built-in sisterhood of women who are on the same transformative journey. It’s equal parts inspiration, motivation, and accountability. And there are lessons. OH, THE LESSONS!!!

I run Style School a few times a year. Style School is a FULLY SUPPORTED course, with an (off Facebook) Community . You will not walk this journey alone.

We’re wired for true connection, and we heal in community. When you bear witness to another woman's story and SEE her beauty, you’ll begin to SEE your own true-self, your own unique, BEAUTY-full offering to the world.

xo Stasia

PS. Here's what Style School alum, Lewanda, has to say about fitting-in versus belonging.

"I‘ve worn a pretty costume most all my life. I accepted it early so it felt like it was me. By being pleasing and quiet, pretty and good, loyal and dependable, I stayed mid-pack.  I had a happy face, but my costume was too tight and not right. In Stasia’s Style School I found my truth, my spark, my power, and my light. I love being ME. I love being Free. I live with pride and gratefulness to be 66, untethered, strong, healthy, and beautiful. I cherish my SSS sisterhood. There I find radical acceptance and a playground of vulnerability, connection, and pride that evokes me to express more and more of who I am every day. 

How To Pack For Your Next Adventure

I’m writing this from an outdoor cafe in the middle of the Sonoran Desert, Arizona, surrounded by saguaro (pronounced sa-WAH-ro), barrel, and prickly pear cacti.   

Gals, I'm in heaven. This place speaks to me at a SOUL-level. 

This is what I'm looking at, over my computer screen:

I started packing for this desert camping/hiking trip about an hour before we left, because honestly, that's how I roll. I've got my packing system DOWN PAT, and was able to get everything I need for a week of camping and hiking - all into my carry-on suitcase. 

Folks are always curious how I'm able to pack so lightly when I adventure, so I thought I'd share with you what I brought, and why! 

TOPS

Camping/hiking in the desert in February means I need to be prepared with warm and cold weather gear. The desert gets really chilly at night, and hot during the day, so I prepared for both!

I brought... 

• 3 t-shirts (for hiking)

• 3 sweatshirts (for evenings / cool days)

• 1 polypro top (for evenings)

• 1 sports bra (for everyday)

• 1 sports tank (for everyday)

• 1 pajama top (for sleeping)

• 1 "nice" shirt (for fancy)

After three days hiking in the same t-shirt,  I STILL passed the pit-sniff test.  👃👃👃 I have a feeling I'm gonna go home with a suitcase of unworn clothes!  But, only time will tell. 

BOTTOMS

I had space in my suitcase, so I packed a variety of bottoms, but of course, I've worn my hiking skort every-single-day since we've been here.

I brought...

• 1 pair of ankle-length leggings (for hiking)

• 1 pair of 3/4 length leggings (for hiking)

• 2 skorts (for hiking)

• 1 pair of jeans (for travel / cool non-hiking days)

• 1 pair of long johns (for evenings)

The daytime temps have been SO NICE in Tucson, I’ve worn my favorite (thrifted) skort, 4 days in a row!  (I may leave without ever even touching my leggings.)  I HAVE worn my Odlo leggings every night though, because day-um the nights have been COLD.  I'm talking FROST-ON-THE-GROUND cold. 

I also brought... 

• 1 dress (for fancy)

• my Patagonia nano-puff jacket (for evenings)

• my raincoat (for that one day of rain in the forecast)

• my bikini (just in case we find a swimming hole)

Thank goodness I brought my nano-puff jacket because, I'll tell you what... the temps drop about 40 degrees the second the sun sets. 

Let's see... what else did I bring?

• 6 pairs of undies

• 2 pairs of socks (yes, I wear the same socks over and over again)

• 1 winter hat (for those cold nights)

• 1 baseball cap (for those sunny days)

• 1 pair of sandals (for day use and the shower)

• 1 pair of hiking shoes (for... well, hiking!)

• 1 neck gaiter (to keep the sun off my neck during the day, and to keep my neck warm at night)

• 6 pairs of earrings (I like variety)

• sunglasses (for obvious reasons)

• 2 books (THIS one and THIS one)

• 1 Turkish towel (for bathing)

• my Cold Moon blanket from Dig Co (to snuggle up in the evenings)

• my toiletry bag, which includes my Mom's Stuff Salve and Day Face Balm (for skin protection)

• my headlamp (an absolute ESSENTIAL for camping)

• 1 water bottle

• 1 coffee cup

• plus a backpack full of gluten-free food for a long day of travel

That's it. Every last thing that I packed.  And it all fit 1) on my body 2) in my carry-on, or  3) in my backpack/personal item. 

In case you're wondering... that cool pink van you see in the background of my photos, with that pop-up tent on top? THAT's what we're traveling in, here in Tucson!  We rented an Escape Campervan in Phoenix... and after all of our 4-people-in-a-Prius camping trips, this thing feels like a mansion! 

Before ANY piece of clothing goes into my suitcase, I try it on to make sure it fits. My body changes on the regular. (Yours too? Yep, that's what bodies do.) I also make sure that all my tops go with all my bottoms. Finally, every item I pack needs to give me the FEELS I want to FEEL, while adventuring.

It takes some doing to find ALL THE RIGHT THINGS for my today-body and my today-feels, because sometimes what I think I want to wear doesn’t FEEL right.  Better to figure that out AT HOME, rather than three days into the trip!

Which reminds me... I'm always surprised when someone looks at me cross-eyed as soon as I start talking about how my clothes make me feel.

Truth is, I've yet to meet someone who doesn't know what BLAH, MEH or UGH feels like, when it comes to clothes.

Am-I-right? 

What you may NOT know is this: if you can notice what exactly makes you feel BLAH, MEH, or UGH! then you ALSO have all the working radar you'll need to figure out what colors, styles, and accessories make you feel BOOYAH!

Learning how to dress to feel STRONG, BRAVE, CREATIVE, BADASS, ADVENTUROUS, or [fill in the blank with EXACTLY HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL], is a game-changer. (And for me, that's a massive understatement! Ha!)

I used to feel frumpy in my clothes every. damn. day. I blamed my body. 

Sister, body shame is a crying shame.

That same body that I used to BLAME is the very reason I'm able to camp, hike, and adventure in the Arizona mountains, breathing in the freshest air, and snuggling deep into my cozy sleeping bag come nightfall.

This body of mine is a GIFT. A wonderful vehicle for all of the adventures that I've already lived, and many more that await. In fact, that Escape Campervan up there's got nothin' on this body of mine, and the same's true of yours.

How about you? When was the last time you really NOTICED how you feel in your clothing? When was the last time you blamed your body for feeling BLAH, while wearing a stained hand-me-down-from-your-honey-tee-shirt with holes, too-small jeans, or your nursing bra from 12 years ago?

When was the last time you RELISHED living in your body? And dressed like it? I wanna know if this is something you're ready to learn! And... if not, what's holding you back? Now there’s a question worth answering!

xo Stasia 

PS If dressing to FEEL how you want to feel intrigues you, then check out my other blog posts on Inside-out Congruency!

How to Wear Your Word of the Year

How many of you start your day by asking yourself... HOW DO I WANT TO FEEL TODAY?  And then get dressed in a way that connects you to those FEELS?

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

If you've done Style School, then you KNOW this is a revel-YOU-tionary way to approach your closet AND your day.

If you haven't done Style School... then buckle up, because I'm gonna walk you through how you can use ONE WORD to trigger some serious closet creativity!  

This one word can be your WORD OF THE YEAR, or any other dang word you please.

Wanna change the world (or at least YOUR world) but can't get outta your own damn way?  Time to get INTENTIONAL about what you gotta tap into - inside of you - to be that change.  

For me, 2020 is all about DISRUPT. 

I talked all about why I chose DISRUPT as my 2020 word of the year HERE... and now, I'm gonna share with you how/why I WEAR MY WORD. 

One of the things I've gotten pretty adept at in the past few years is connecting to my FEELS. In other words, I've gotten pretty good at being able to identify when something FEELS good, and DOES NOT feel good.

Like when... 

• I tell myself that I'm going to walk my kids to school, but then drive them instead.  

• I'm hungry as a hippo and my body is telling me I need to eat... but I stay at my computer way too long and end up missing lunch. 

• I've got a big heart-project to work on, but keep house-working myself to the bone so, "oops, can't find the time!"

This kind of stuff always makes me feel BAD inside my body, and I end up feeling disappointed in myself.

It's as if there's a part of me that wants to DO THE THING, but there's another bigger-stronger-more powerful part of me that keeps sabotaging me.  AND I LET IT. 

My strategy is to get wicked intentional, and filter MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE through the lens of DISRUPT. 

I'm going to... 

• DISRUPT the thought that tells me it's ok to drive the kids to school, when my soul fire wants me to walk.

• DISRUPT the thought that tells me it's ok to skip lunch, when my body needs me to eat.

• DISRUPT the thought that tells me the floors need sweeping, when my heart wants me to work on that big project. 

It's gonna be hard.  And I'm gonna wanna quit by the end of the month. 

I know this about myself... so I've got to get WICKED INTENTIONAL about cultivating the OOOMPH that I know lives inside me, so my guts can withstand the constant barrage of "sit down, take a break, you'll do it tomorrow, you're not strong enough" that I KNOW is gonna come my way.  

How do I do that? I get dressed in a way that connects me to my WORD/my WORK.  

I've been getting dressed, paying attention, asking myself... What FEELS like DISRUPT for me?

And right now, it feels like hoodies, neck gaiters, and cheeky winter hats. It feels like denim. It feels like black and white and lace. When my daughter's new Vans came in the mail, I realized DISRUPT felt like Vans!  So I bought myself a pair.  When I got dressed the other day... I wanted black jeans. I don't have any... but I know I want them. 

I've discovered that when it comes to my closet, DISRUPT is just as much an action as it is an actual "style".  It's me getting up and getting dressed right off... instead of waiting until 10 or 11 or 12 to get out of my pjs. It's choosing the orange earrings, when my usual-self would choose the silver. It's wearing the cropped top I wanna wear, even though I know people will leave snarky comments on my Instagram telling me my cropped-top days are over. 

We're only a week into the New Year, and so far... this is what DISRUPT looks like for me.  
 

I've adjusted my closet to "support" my word (my work) every year... for 5 years now.  And I just KNOW that this kind of wear-my-word intentionality is what's allowed me to STICK TO MY WORD for an entire year, five years running. 

BRAVE

In 2015 my word was BRAVE. It was a big word for me, and choosing it as my WORD set me on my entrepreneurial course. I spent my life believing that I wasn't brave. Sure, I did hard things like join the Peace Corps and navigate the healthcare system as a medical mama... but those were done out a need to prove myself, as a person, as a mother, as a friggin’ human being. 

BRAVE is different. 

By starting each morning connected to my BRAVE, I was able to practice stepping outside of my comfort zone. I wore concoctions that I would have NEVER dreamed of just the year before.

FIERCE (LOVE) 

In 2016, when my word was FIERCE (LOVE), I traded in my colorful and patterned palette for blacks, blues, and grays. I started wearing more denim, leather, and shiny metal. Every day when I stood in front of my closet - sometimes exhausted, worn out and overwhelmed - I would REMEMBER that I WAS FIERCE, and I would choose my outfit accordingly.

PLAY

In 2017, my word was PLAY!  I donated everything in my closet that was synthetic, and focused more on wearing clothes that were 100% cotton. I wanted clothes that I could PLAY in.  PLAY was the year that I fell back in love with fuchsia and polka dots and florals. And it was the year that I FINALLY invested in congruent hiking gear! 

EASE

In 2018, my word was EASE.  I traded out some of my beloved and bold colors and patterns for more soothing colors and delicate patterns. And I started wearing jeans again. Ripped ones, because man they made me feel at ease. My natural energetic tendency trends more toward whirling dervish than a cool cucumber, so beginning my day WEARING MY EASE set me up for, well, more ease!

CEO

In 2019, my word was CEO. It was about stepping up and stepping out. It was about being brave enough to suck at something new. I wanted to feel-inside-my-bones that I was a competent business woman who might not have it all figured out, but was heart-set on doing her best. That meant my own version of "business casual" which meant blazers, my new locally-made "CEO purse" and artisan made accessories.

Now, I don't want you to go thinking that I went out and bought a whole new wardrobe every year to support me in "my work".  No way.  I used what I had... I styled things up differently.  Here, take a look... 

And this... 

Same dresses, styled up differently to connect me to the FEELS I wanted to FEEL.

It's cool, isn't it, to see how my "style" has changed over the years? And it only make sense!  Inside-out Congruency is-not and can-not be static.  We’re dynamic women, so OF COURSE our style, our congruency, has to change as WE change. 

You know what else is cool?  I can look back at photos from the last 5 years and know exactly what year it was just by looking at what I was wearing.  

I can remember the INTENTION associated with the FEELS associated with the clothes!

I wore my word. I lived my word. I cultivated my word. 

Wearing your word allows you to LIVE YOUR WORD, instead of just applying your word to happenstance and circumstance. 

Wearing your word holds you accountable to YOU!

This is BIG WORK, my friends. And it’s accomplished in small, doable daily intentions that tangibly align you with your word/work in a tangible way. Hey! You gotta get dressed everyday anyway, so why not USE it to explore your growth edge!?

xo Stasia 

Why I Choose a Word of the Year

It's New Year's Day, 2020, which is the PERFECT DAY to reflect on 2019, and lay down some intentions for 2020.  

I don't know about you, but man, 2019 was AWESOME. 

Not in a that-was-easy kind of way, but in a holy-buckets-that-was-hard-and-I-survived kind of way!! 

When I started the year, I declared CEO as my word of the year.  

I was DONE caveating and diminishing my work, my vision, my business. I was DONE feeling ashamed and embarrassed when people asked me when I was going to "get a real job". I knew that it was time for me to TRULY stand in my power, and recognize that all the work I had done to build my business was something to be PROUD OF!

Except, I had a belief inside my head that said... REAL business leaders never make mistakes, they never fail, they always know how to do all the things, and they certainly don't talk about something as ridiculous as "style".

Intellectually I knew none of that was true. But hell if every time I made a mistake, fell on my face, or admitted I had no clue what I was doing, I felt like a half-assed dimwit.  And if someone gave me the side-ways eyeball when I told them what I did for work... I about died of shame. 

My brain needed some serious re-wiring, and I KNEW it wasn't gonna be easy.  I KNEW I was gonna need a WHOLE YEAR to work on that re-wiring.  I knew I was going to have to let go of old beliefs, and create NEW healthier beliefs that supported me, instead of tore me down. 

I knew what "my work" was, so I chose a WORD to remind me of my work. 

C.E.O. 

CEO meant falling down, and getting back up. It meant saying yes to things that scared the crap out of me, and then letting go of the outcome. It meant being brave enough to suck at something new.

I  knew I needed to filter MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE through the CEO lens in order to shatter old beliefs systems, and create new beliefs systems. 

2019 was a humdinger of face plants and "failures"... and a whole lot of pivots and recoveries.

• The January session of Style School didn't quite sell out (I was so close!) and I BEAT MYSELF UP for it.  I cried, pitched a fit, got mad, threatened to quit. 
  
  The November session of Style School didn't sell out by a long shot, and I realized it was an opportunity to pivot in my business. I buckled down, and started hashing out a plan to expand my reach. I never cried once. 

• I went surfing for the first time ever in my whole life.  I had my ass handed to me.  The ocean beat me up.  I cried.  I shook.  I got bruised and battered.
  
  On the final ride of the final day of the trip, I popped up on my board and rode that wave like a pro. I felt wicked proud.

• I went on the radio, and did a pretty shitty job expressing my ideas, my thoughts, my vision. I cried a whole bunch. 
  
  I went BACK ON THE RADIO, and felt like a regular ole radio personality.  I felt great.

• I did my first ever keynote address, and walked off the stage crying because I could NOT engage the audience for anything.  
  
  I did a second keynote address later in the year, and was told that I should have charged triple because it was THAT good. 

• I did some live, in-person teaching, and honest truth... I wasn't very good at it.  I wasn't confident in my skills.  I lost control of the group.  I shook for a month afterwards.
  
  I said YES to teaching live, in-person weekend workshop at Kripalu, and had THE BEST teaching weekend EVER. 

• I signed up for a hip-hop dance class, and came face to face with some "cartwheel shame" that I've carried around with me since I was a kid.  (I've NEVER done a cartwheel in my life.)  I cried in class.  
  
  I asked the teacher to give me private cartwheel lessons so I could LEARN how to do a cartwheel at the age of 45.  

CEO's fall down, do scary things, and sometimes suck.  But they get back up, pivot, and flex their brave muscles.  Not just in their business.  But in life. 

Choosing CEO as my word (my work) allowed me to practice CHANGING MY MIND in many areas of my life.  NOT just in my business.  It's all connected though, because I am the common denominator in everything that I do. 

Choosing a WORD OF THE YEAR allowed me to PRACTICE changing my belief pattern, over and over again, for a whole entire year!!  Sometimes I sucked at it. Sometimes I challenged my thoughts. Sometimes I wasn't strong enough to challenge my thoughts. Sometimes I blew my old thoughts outta the water. 

I used to say things like, "THIS IS JUST HOW I'M WIRED!" or "I CAN'T HELP IT, THIS IS JUST HOW I THINK!".  

Turns out, we can change!!  Did you hear that?!?!?  WE CAN CHANGE!!     

But it takes commitment, practice, dedication, clarity, tenacity, courage... and the space/time to try try try, over and over again. 

And now, I'm ready to COMMIT to a new word.  

MY WORK for 2020 gobsmacked me about a month ago. My "new word" scares me, because it's going to disrupt how I organize and prioritize my time, my commitments, my projects, my intentions, my dreams. 

There are always one, two or three REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT PROJECTS that I want to tackle.  Projects that will turn my dreams into reality. Projects that will allow me to really and truly live up to what I believe I'm capable of doing/being. 

And I put them off like WHOA. 

I will search high and low to do ANYTHING but the THING.  I'll prioritize silly little do-nothing tasks, just so I can pretend I don't have the "time" to work on the PROJECTS.

I am an expert at searching for tasks, and avoiding the projects. And that's all about to change.  

PAUSE.

That last sentence there... "and that's all about to change", just knocked the wind out of me. The second I typed those words, my shoulders fell forward, as if I had just been kicked in the gut. WEIRD.

My word for 2020 is DISRUPT.  😲😲😲

You guys.  I'm seriously having trouble taking a deep breath right now.  I've known this is my word for about a month now, but January 1st was a ways off, so I kept saying... I've still got time to dilly-dally, not be productive, and avoid the big projects that I KNOW will move my life forward in a new direction.  And now, January 1st is tomorrow... and I'm freaking out. 

DISRUPT. DISRUPT. DISRUPT. 

I need to see it, feel it, navigate in and around it, step into it, dress it. 

YES, I said DRESS IT.  Because that's what I do.  I WEAR MY WORD so I can keep it close to me every.single.day.  But that's a whole 'nother newsletter my friends, and you can read all about how I “WEAR MY WORD” HERE.

In the meantime, I'm wondering if YOU have a WORD OF THE YEAR?  

If you're new to the concept, or just unclear on how to CHOOSE your word, I have a few tips for you:

• Your word has likely been nibbling at the edges of your consciousness all year long

• Your word is found in that part of your brain that decides to move left, when your entire being (your soul fire) is begging you to move right

• You shouldn’t need to think too far ahead or too far behind to figure it out because in my experience, that thing you need to work on is ever-present

• PAY ATTENTION

• Our bodies/minds/souls know exactly what our work is... we just need to listen

• Let it wallop you

My word ALWAYS finds me. It's like... the universe KNOWS what's coming, and provides me with the tools I need to navigate my path. I usually - no - ALWAYS - have resistance to the word, because it's hard, scary work that seems impossible. 

But time and time again, I learn that the impossible isn't actually impossible. 

xo
Stasia