YOU Are The Golden Thread — Stasia Savasuk

Do you ever get dressed and feel like you're wearing a costume?

That was me for most of my life. Especially when I experimented with different categories of clothes... like preppy, outdoorsy, bohemian, classic, etc. Every time I did it, I felt like a total imposter.

NOTHING WAS EVER RIGHT.

I was so convinced something was wrong me, I checked the DSV-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition) to see if I had some kind of identity disorder.

I felt broken. Flawed. Defective.

Turns out, none of that was true. My struggle with style had nothing to do with the clothes. And everything to do with not knowing WHO I WAS.

There was no congruency. No alignment. No connection.

No amount of style exploration was going to do me a damn bit of good if I wasn't also asking myself... WHO EVEN AM I, AND HOW DO I WANT TO SHOW UP IN THE WORLD?

Sounds like an easy question, but whew, it was an ass-kicker.

After a lifetime of people pleasing and being who everyone wanted/needed me to be (hello trauma response), I couldn't even answer that question.

Who I am depends on who you want me to be. If you don't like me, I'll feel worthless, and that's a horrible feeling. I want to feel safe. Loved. And like I belong. You're sporty, and I want you to like me, so I'll be sporty too! You like classy, I can totally do that. Sexy is popular, how about I try that on for size! You like to hike, watch how outdoorsy I can be!

That's not personal style. That's me, forsaking congruency for connection!! CHEAP CONNECTION, because I'm not bringing the REAL ME to the table!

So I dug in, and asked myself WHO AM I over and over and over again, until I started to figure some shit out.

And do you know what I realized... PERSONAL STYLE isn't categorical. It doesn't live inside any one box (preppy, classy, outdoorsy, hippy, etc.). PERSONAL STYLE is a reflection of who I am on the inside. And who I am on the inside is complex, dynamic, ever-changing, and sometimes even contradictory!

AND THAT'S TOTALLY NORMAL!

If I don't want my clothes to feel like a costume, then I have PAY ATTENTION to how I feel, and how I want to feel.

It's an INSIDE JOB! And I AM THE GOLDEN THREAD!!

Look at these two photos my girlfriend Evi just took of me in Miami Beach a couple of days ago. I'm not sure they could be any different from each other. Yet, they are both ME. Each outfit connecting me to a different part of myself.

In the first photo, I was connected to EXPANSIVE PRESENCE. I felt... ethereal, buoyant (without burden), and rooted.

In the second photo, it was ALL MOXIE. I felt glamorous, contradictory, fiery, alive!

BOTH ME. Even though they are aesthetically VERY DIFFERENT.

I am my own golden thread.

AND YOU ARE YOUR OWN GOLDEN THREAD!

It took me YEARS to figure out how to LEARN THIS, to NAME THIS (Inside Out Congruency), to EMBODY THIS, to TEACH THIS.

But once I figured it out... I made it my life's work.

It's called Stasia's Style School and I run this 2-3 times a year.

If everything you put on feels like a costume, and you think it's because you're broken or flawed or defective, SIGN ON UP.

Nothing feels better than releasing that lie, and stepping into your own COURAGE, CONFIDENCE and CONGRUENCY.

I run Style School a few times a year. If you wanna learn how to stop objectifying yourself, and start experiencing yourself, then sign up for my emails and I’ll let you know the dates for the next session, and I’ll see you in there!

xo Stasia

PS. If you've got a bestie or an aunt or a sissy or a buddy who struggles every time they SEE themselves, I invite you to share this blog post with them. The moment I PAY ATTENTION to how I feel, and how I want to feel and experience that inside-out-congruency, I realize I AM THE GOLDEN THREAD! And so are YOU! We are all in this together. When I heal myself, I love BOTH OF US more.