What Better Time to SHOP YOUR CLOSET (then during a pandemic)

No matter where you are in the world, it probably feels like March 58th to you too. Except it's April. Almost May. And from where I'm sitting, it looks like we're gonna be staying home and social distancing until March 124th. 

Speaking of time-not-exactly-flying-by... do you know WHY so many gals wear the same things over and over again, even if those clothes don't make them FEEL good?

Because (I've been told) they don't have the capacity to explore what "styles" DO make them feel good.

By "capacity" they usually mean TIME + MONEY. 

Well good news my friend, because I wanna invite you into your very own closet. It's only a minute away, the cost-of-goods is free-thirty-free, and it contains EVERYTHING YOU NEED to learn EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW about your own "personal style".

After 5 years of teaching Style School, it never ceases to amaze me how many women know exactly WHO THEY ARE and WHAT MAKES 'EM FEEL GOOD... and then stuff all of that knowing right into the back of their proverbial closets.

Having the guts to say THIS IS ME is scary is hell. Wicked vulnerable. And downright liberating.

I just wrapped up the 19th session of Style School last week (which we've aptly named SSSCovid-19), and with the whole world shut down, gals did all of their "shopping" right in their very own closets instead of in the stores. And HOLY MOLY you should SEE what they found, and WHAT THEY LEARNED!  

Lucky you, they said I could share it all with you right here in a fashion show exposé.

First up is my gal Saskia (SSS15 Rosie Squad + Big Sister to SSS19 Amelia Squad), who FINALLY pulled these AMAZING earrings outta hiding after realizing they were not "too much" after all. 

"I saw these sparkly, leather, feather-shaped earrings in Boston last summer, gasped, and thought “I MUST have those, and I will NEVER wear them in public.” The “too much” jiblet is looouuud, but they make me feel giddy and flashy and magical--kinda like a mermaid. This is their “public” debut."  

If you don't know, "jiblets" are those negative voices inside your head that say mean things to you when you're brave enough to SHOW UP. (It's Style School speak.) Well, Saskia put those jiblets in their proper place (outside, pounding sand) and wore the dang earrings because she KNOWS there is no such thing as "too much". 

Do YOU have any jewelry stuffed away that you're afraid might be TOO MUCH? How about flexing your brave muscle and wearing them... today! 

And now, let's take a gander at Claudette (SSS19 Maya Squad), and check out this incredible dress she's had in her closet FOR 10 YEARS, but has NEVER WORN!

"I was feeling a little rebellious today - our last day before lock down kicks in this evening. I have had this dress for about 10 years and never worn it. Today I felt like it needed a chance celebrating my waist."

I about FAINTED when Claudette posted this photo. She had this hanging in her closet for 10 years before pulling it out for a full day's wear during a stay-at-home-global-quarantine-day-with-kids!! 

What do YOU have hanging in the back of your closet that you've never worn!? How about giving it a go this week?

Next up is my gal Holly (SSS19 Rosie Squad) who pulled a pair of swashbuckling boots out of her closet that SHE HARDLY EVER WORE because she didn't think she was "cool enough" to pull them off. 

Not cool enough? No way.

She told that "not cool enough" jiblet to head outside and go pound sand with Saskia's jiblets. Because HELLO, she is SOOOOO cool enough to wear the dang boots. Can you believe they've been sitting in her closet virtually UNWORN for all these years?

Most of us have at least one "I'm not cool enough" piece in our closet. What's yours? Can you commit to wearing it THIS WEEK?

And now, let me introduce you to Style Sister Kathryn (SSS19 Rosie Squad), who bought a fancy-pants necklace while traveling on vacation, and then stuffed it in a drawer because her friend didn't like it!  

"I bought this necklace from an artist in London while visiting a friend. Friend’s response was lukewarm about it when I showed her and that was enough to bury it away...never to be worn! How absurd is that??"

Gals, what other people think about what you wear is none of your damn business. (Yes, I said none of YOUR business. Other people can make what you wear their business, but you don't need to make what they think any of YOUR business.) You get dressed for YOU - to feel good in YOUR body - to connect to your SOUL FIRE. Kathryn re-realized that the second she put this necklace on. Shazam!

Do YOU have something in your closet that you LOVE... but somebody made fun of it, so you tucked it away and stopped wearing it? How about wearing it THIS WEEK!

Next up is my super-fly Style Sister, Cindi (SSS19 Rosie Squad) who had an unworn dress AND denim jacket sitting in the back of her closet for A YEAR before pulling both pieces out during the first week of Style School. She somehow got it in her head that she couldn't wear stripes... because you know, RULES. 

"I didn't think I could wear stripes."

Can't wear stripes? Who makes those rules up anyway? The fashion police? I'm calling their bluff. You wanna wear stripes, then wear the dang stripes! Because my goodness, this dress fits Cindi like a glove, the stripes look whimsical and fun, and the denim jacket looks amazing. She's the master of balance and proportion here, and I'll tell you what... SHE KNEW BEFORE SHE EVEN KNEW SHE KNEW that this was a smokin' hot outfit that fit her body, and her SOUL FIRE, perfectly. 

Got anything in your closet that has a pile of RULES attached to it? How about flushing those rules down the toilet and WEARING THE THING this week?

And lastly... check out the hadn't-been-worn-in-13-years blazer Danielle (SSS19 Maya Squad) discovered in her closet!

"I bought this as a suit 13 years ago, and wore the suit once for the interview for my current job. It's been in the back of the closet in a garment bag because I never wear a suit. I pulled out the blazer and I love it! Great color for me. Good length. Whoop! The pants are on their way to ThredUp because my amazing hips will never fit into those pre-baby pants again."

Do YOU have a suit stuffed into the back of your closet that just might have a top or bottom that STILL FITS, and can be worn as a separate? It's a wicked clever move. Super resourceful. And totally FREE! I mean... look at Danielle's smile here. She won the SOUL FIRE lottery, no doubt about it.

And yep, even I have taken to shopping my closet for treasures! I had bought a pair of burgundy leggings MONTHS ago, and had only worn them once. So on a regular old weekday, I whipped them out, put ‘em under a pair of denim shorts, threw on a floral crown, and called it a day. I felt downright glamorous!

Gals, this is what STYLE is all about. Finding things that fit, make you feel good, and leave you feeling clever, resourceful, smart, sexy, brave, grounded, glamorous, fierce. 

And there's a good chance you've got THOSE EXACT THINGS in your closet already.

I just ran an ENTIRE SESSION OF STYLE SCHOOL during a global pandemic, where the only place gals could go shopping was in their closet. And it was AWESOME! 

I know a lot of you are feeling the frustration that shopping is off the table because you're itching for something new... but I'll tell you what, there's a 99% chance that YOU HAVE SOMETHING NEW in your closet already.

Go digging. Find the things you've set aside because you didn't think you were "cool enough". Put on the fancy dress, the big earrings, the sparkly tank top. Wear the good jewelry. The swashbuckling boots. The gritty denim jacket. 

You might roll your eyes and say... NOW, DURING CORONA-TIME??  And to that I say YES. Now. FEELING GOOD feels extra hella good these days. 

So go for it. SHOP YOUR CLOSET. And see what you might find!

xo Stasia 

Bored with your Closet? Try this move.

I don't know about you... but the minute I learned that ALL SHOPPING WAS OFF THE TABLE for the COVID-19 shelter-in-place order, my closet all of a sudden started to feel choked. Boring. Depressing. 

I have to wear THIS STUFF for forever?? No thrifting? No swapping? No shopping?

Listen gals, they don't say that "necessity is the mother of invention" for nothing. 

We think that our closets are an abyss of boring has-beens, but I'll tell you what, opportunity abounds, when we've got the guts and the gumption (AND NO OTHER CHOICE BUT) to get creative. 

I just read this quote, straight outta the mouth of one of my Style Sisters:

"The things I already have in my closet aren’t necessarily “boring,” they just need a little help from other things in my closet and/or some fun accessories to show my true personality."

BaBAM. There it is. Sometimes we just need "a little help from our friends". 

Just yesterday I got dressed in a closet-combo I'd never worn before... but even though it was a new combo, something was missing.  So do you know what I did? I messed around with all kinds of different tucking and knotting, twisting and tying, and guess what?  I discovered a BRAND NEW MOVE. Something I'd NEVER done before. 

You guys, I tucked one side of my shirt into my pants.

It may not SEEM like much. But I’ll tell you what. That ONE. SIMPLE. MOVE. changed everything.

And all of a sudden, I felt scrappy, messy (in a good way), disrupt-y, creative, and... mysterious. 

Mysterious because if anybody had seen me, they probably would’ve thought to themselves... “I wonder if she did that move on purpose? Or if maybe her shirt accidentally got tucked into her pants after going to the bathroom.”

THEY’LL NEVER KNOW!

And gals, I'm not the only one inventing new moves, and making the MOST out of what I already have in my closet.  I've got a gaggle of Style Sisters in session RIGHT NOW who are reinventing their closets one creative, brave, confident, rule-breaking muscle at a time. 

"Being brave has opened up a whole new wardrobe possibility for work, and for feeling more authentically myself." 

"My boring closet is actually less boring if I look at it closely and with creativity!"

"Many things in my closet I've had for years because I'm confident in what I love. I just haven't always been confident enough to wear some pieces and some combos."

Instead of sitting home, stressing about all the lock-down orders being dropped around the globe, how about we spend some time cultivating COURAGE, CONFIDENCE + CREATIVITY instead.  

Our primary job right now is to follow the rules being laid out by our government officials (#flattenthecurve), and to take care of ourselves/our families. We gotta breathe. We gotta eat. We gotta move. 

We're in this for the long haul, so we gotta keep our shit together, the best we can. Instead of lamenting all that we can't do, and all that we don't have, let's focus on what we CAN DO and what we DO HAVE! 

Instead of feeling sad you can’t go shopping, get excited about turning your closet into your own STYLE LABORATORY. 

Go to your closet, and see what you can come up with. Try new combos. Experiment with tucks, and knots and the ole' SSS Rosie Rosette.  Try denim on denim for the first time.  Get the scissors out, and cut the sleeves off a too-small denim jacket.  Go bananas!  

Just when I think my closet is done - dead - dried up, I come up with SOMETHING that reminds me that life is FULL of hidden treasures... if we just know how to look for 'em. 

Stay safe, friends!

xo Stasia  

Why Style Is Not Petty or Superficial

In a Pinterest and Instagram world, obsessed with looks and image, it’s no wonder many of us fall for the assumption that style is petty and superficial.

You know, deep down, that all that glitters is not gold, and there’s more to someone than meets the eye.

Interestingly, though, when I ask the women who sheepishly roll into Style School WHY they are here, their replies hit me straight in the gut.

In other words? Their reasons are DEEP… the absolute, polar opposite of shallow. Lemme show you what I mean:

"I try to emulate what others wear, but it doesn't reflect MY inner essence, so it's never quite right. I want a style that reflects MY personality."

"After the birth of my daughter and some serious weight gain, I was left wondering WHO AM I, and how in heck do I dress myself."

"I want to look in the mirror again, and like the person looking back."

"I feel like I’ve lost myself along the way (kids), and I'm ready to find out WHO I AM again."

"I've done a lot of heart and soul work in the last few years, and I want my outside to reflect my inside."

"I'm turning 60 this year, and I want my life to be about ME and MY choices, not what I think everyone else wants for me."

"I'm ready to stop hiding behind my clothes. I want my wardrobe to say THIS IS ME."

"I'm often frustrated… not BEING ME and not SHOWING UP."

"There’s an identify confusion - WHO AM I?"

"How am I supposed to know what MY style is? It's easy to default to old clothes I've worn forever that no one will notice. But I'm sick of that. I'm sick of discomfort. I'm sick of feeling unsure of WHO I AM."

WHOA, right?

Any of that sound petty or superficial to you?

Or is it the damn opposite? TRUTH, HONESTY and VULNERABILITY.

Were you nodding along, saying YES YES YES? Me too!

Here’s what I know to be true:

The most beautifully curated closet in the world will feel like a complete farce if it isn't a reflection of your YOU-NESS. (Ain’t nobody feeling fresh while faking a farce.)

STYLE does NOT MEAN “fitting in”. It does not mean “dressing in a way that impresses others”. It does not mean “fake it till you make it”.

Personal STYLE is showing up in the world feeling so deeply connected to yourself, that your outsides? What people see? Is a TRUE reflection of WHO YOU ARE on the inside. It’s a knowing so great, so deep, so profound, that hiding becomes an impossibility.

I call this Inside-Out Congruency, and lemme tell you, connecting your insides with your outsides is big, deep work.

There’s nothing superficial about finding the courage to really KNOW yourself, and SHOW yourself.

Our old nemesis, the “beauty” industry, perpetuates the myth that style happens on the outside, because that’s what SELLS. The intrinsic fear you and I have of not “fitting in” drives us to shell out the shillings!

Fear drives spending. And the beauty industry is one of the most profitable markets in the world. Make no mistake, you’re no dummy for buying what they’re selling. You’re wired for connection. A deep, true longing, that will not be satiated by anything other than true connection.

Unfortunately, when what you’re buying is about how to “fit in” you’ll find yourself starving, and then return to the same seller, and buy the whole damn thing again. You’ll drift further and further from the anchor of your soul, and turn all of the anger and blame onto your body. If it’s not working for you, YOU must be the problem.

WRONG.

Here’s the realio dealio: Personal style is about belonging completely to yourself, first and foremost, and THAT is the magic door that opens you for true connection and belonging with others.

Let's look at my daughter, Raisa, for a minute, so we can truly understand the difference between "fitting in" and "belonging".

Raisa is a bowtie wearing, blazer sporting, pattern mixing little turkey that I couldn't imagine any other way. Before she knew about the conventional rules of what a girl is "supposed" to wear, she intuitively KNEW herself.

I wanted to protect her, to help her "fit in" with the other girls, but she KNEW better than I did, what it felt like to be herself.

When she wore the tunics and headbands that I encouraged her to wear, her confidence tanked, and she lost the sure footing of knowing herself, what she liked, and what she wanted.

But when she SHOWS UP, eyes forward, shoulders back, in her body, wearing the clothes that FEEL right for her... she’s grounded. She knows exactly who she is. No pretense. No shame. No HIDING.

And BECAUSE she said NO, THANK YOU to fitting in... she knows what it means to BELONG.

To BELONG is to feel LOVED for WHO YOU ARE, not for who you are pretending to be.

Why would I want to teach Raisa to let go of herself in order to fit in?!

It’s a simple answer: I didn’t know another way. I didn't know WHO IN HELL I WAS.

And what does one do when she doesn’t know WHO she is?

She choses safety. She looks around, finds a way to blend in, stay neutral, not stand out. She hides the complexity of who she is, and suffocates herself in fleece, khakis, and sensible brown shoes.

Yea… I’m talking about me.

I let my role, the things I loved to do, and the people who “made the style rules for those roles and activities” dictate the way I should dress myself.

And I felt disconnected from my truest self. Small. Dim.

Here’s what I’ve learned to be true: WHO I AM and HOW I WANT TO FEEL is my TRUE north star, guiding me deeper into myself, and in the process, opening my heart up for true connection with others. How I present myself to the world has nothing to do with my “station” in life, and everything to do with my soul.

Here's what I want you to do...

1. Ask yourself WHO AM I? Grab a pen and paper and write, write, write until your fingers hurt. Come up with a list of words (NOT ROLES) that describe WHO YOU ARE. If this isn’t WHO you want to be, then my guess is that it’s a false self, in other words, who you became when you lost the truth of yourself… and it doesn’t FIT anymore. You’ve outgrown it. If that’s the case for you, ask yourself WHO AM I LONGING TO BE? Odds are that’s the REAL you, ready to be seen by you first, and set free!

2. Take that list of words, and narrow it down to the top 5 words that make your soul-fire sing.

3. Go to your closet, and see what you have that connects you to those words/feelings.

In other words, if one of your words is BRAVE, then go through your shirts, try them on, and see if any of them make you FEEL BRAVE. Try on your earrings, necklaces, boots, and headscarves, and ask yourself... DOES THIS MAKE ME FEEL BRAVE?

Do it over and over again. Find those things. Use your closet to help connect you to WHO YOU ARE.

It takes work. It takes practice. It takes guts.

That's why I created Stasia's Style School. It’s a framework from which to practice stepping into your you-ness, with a built-in sisterhood of women who are on the same transformative journey. It’s equal parts inspiration, motivation, and accountability. And there are lessons. OH, THE LESSONS!!!

I run Style School a few times a year. Style School is a FULLY SUPPORTED course, with an (off Facebook) Community . You will not walk this journey alone.

We’re wired for true connection, and we heal in community. When you bear witness to another woman's story and SEE her beauty, you’ll begin to SEE your own true-self, your own unique, BEAUTY-full offering to the world.

xo Stasia

PS. Here's what Style School alum, Lewanda, has to say about fitting-in versus belonging.

"I‘ve worn a pretty costume most all my life. I accepted it early so it felt like it was me. By being pleasing and quiet, pretty and good, loyal and dependable, I stayed mid-pack.  I had a happy face, but my costume was too tight and not right. In Stasia’s Style School I found my truth, my spark, my power, and my light. I love being ME. I love being Free. I live with pride and gratefulness to be 66, untethered, strong, healthy, and beautiful. I cherish my SSS sisterhood. There I find radical acceptance and a playground of vulnerability, connection, and pride that evokes me to express more and more of who I am every day. 

How to Wear Your Word of the Year

How many of you start your day by asking yourself... HOW DO I WANT TO FEEL TODAY?  And then get dressed in a way that connects you to those FEELS?

🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️

If you've done Style School, then you KNOW this is a revel-YOU-tionary way to approach your closet AND your day.

If you haven't done Style School... then buckle up, because I'm gonna walk you through how you can use ONE WORD to trigger some serious closet creativity!  

This one word can be your WORD OF THE YEAR, or any other dang word you please.

Wanna change the world (or at least YOUR world) but can't get outta your own damn way?  Time to get INTENTIONAL about what you gotta tap into - inside of you - to be that change.  

For me, 2020 is all about DISRUPT. 

I talked all about why I chose DISRUPT as my 2020 word of the year HERE... and now, I'm gonna share with you how/why I WEAR MY WORD. 

One of the things I've gotten pretty adept at in the past few years is connecting to my FEELS. In other words, I've gotten pretty good at being able to identify when something FEELS good, and DOES NOT feel good.

Like when... 

• I tell myself that I'm going to walk my kids to school, but then drive them instead.  

• I'm hungry as a hippo and my body is telling me I need to eat... but I stay at my computer way too long and end up missing lunch. 

• I've got a big heart-project to work on, but keep house-working myself to the bone so, "oops, can't find the time!"

This kind of stuff always makes me feel BAD inside my body, and I end up feeling disappointed in myself.

It's as if there's a part of me that wants to DO THE THING, but there's another bigger-stronger-more powerful part of me that keeps sabotaging me.  AND I LET IT. 

My strategy is to get wicked intentional, and filter MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE through the lens of DISRUPT. 

I'm going to... 

• DISRUPT the thought that tells me it's ok to drive the kids to school, when my soul fire wants me to walk.

• DISRUPT the thought that tells me it's ok to skip lunch, when my body needs me to eat.

• DISRUPT the thought that tells me the floors need sweeping, when my heart wants me to work on that big project. 

It's gonna be hard.  And I'm gonna wanna quit by the end of the month. 

I know this about myself... so I've got to get WICKED INTENTIONAL about cultivating the OOOMPH that I know lives inside me, so my guts can withstand the constant barrage of "sit down, take a break, you'll do it tomorrow, you're not strong enough" that I KNOW is gonna come my way.  

How do I do that? I get dressed in a way that connects me to my WORD/my WORK.  

I've been getting dressed, paying attention, asking myself... What FEELS like DISRUPT for me?

And right now, it feels like hoodies, neck gaiters, and cheeky winter hats. It feels like denim. It feels like black and white and lace. When my daughter's new Vans came in the mail, I realized DISRUPT felt like Vans!  So I bought myself a pair.  When I got dressed the other day... I wanted black jeans. I don't have any... but I know I want them. 

I've discovered that when it comes to my closet, DISRUPT is just as much an action as it is an actual "style".  It's me getting up and getting dressed right off... instead of waiting until 10 or 11 or 12 to get out of my pjs. It's choosing the orange earrings, when my usual-self would choose the silver. It's wearing the cropped top I wanna wear, even though I know people will leave snarky comments on my Instagram telling me my cropped-top days are over. 

We're only a week into the New Year, and so far... this is what DISRUPT looks like for me.  
 

I've adjusted my closet to "support" my word (my work) every year... for 5 years now.  And I just KNOW that this kind of wear-my-word intentionality is what's allowed me to STICK TO MY WORD for an entire year, five years running. 

BRAVE

In 2015 my word was BRAVE. It was a big word for me, and choosing it as my WORD set me on my entrepreneurial course. I spent my life believing that I wasn't brave. Sure, I did hard things like join the Peace Corps and navigate the healthcare system as a medical mama... but those were done out a need to prove myself, as a person, as a mother, as a friggin’ human being. 

BRAVE is different. 

By starting each morning connected to my BRAVE, I was able to practice stepping outside of my comfort zone. I wore concoctions that I would have NEVER dreamed of just the year before.

FIERCE (LOVE) 

In 2016, when my word was FIERCE (LOVE), I traded in my colorful and patterned palette for blacks, blues, and grays. I started wearing more denim, leather, and shiny metal. Every day when I stood in front of my closet - sometimes exhausted, worn out and overwhelmed - I would REMEMBER that I WAS FIERCE, and I would choose my outfit accordingly.

PLAY

In 2017, my word was PLAY!  I donated everything in my closet that was synthetic, and focused more on wearing clothes that were 100% cotton. I wanted clothes that I could PLAY in.  PLAY was the year that I fell back in love with fuchsia and polka dots and florals. And it was the year that I FINALLY invested in congruent hiking gear! 

EASE

In 2018, my word was EASE.  I traded out some of my beloved and bold colors and patterns for more soothing colors and delicate patterns. And I started wearing jeans again. Ripped ones, because man they made me feel at ease. My natural energetic tendency trends more toward whirling dervish than a cool cucumber, so beginning my day WEARING MY EASE set me up for, well, more ease!

CEO

In 2019, my word was CEO. It was about stepping up and stepping out. It was about being brave enough to suck at something new. I wanted to feel-inside-my-bones that I was a competent business woman who might not have it all figured out, but was heart-set on doing her best. That meant my own version of "business casual" which meant blazers, my new locally-made "CEO purse" and artisan made accessories.

Now, I don't want you to go thinking that I went out and bought a whole new wardrobe every year to support me in "my work".  No way.  I used what I had... I styled things up differently.  Here, take a look... 

And this... 

Same dresses, styled up differently to connect me to the FEELS I wanted to FEEL.

It's cool, isn't it, to see how my "style" has changed over the years? And it only make sense!  Inside-out Congruency is-not and can-not be static.  We’re dynamic women, so OF COURSE our style, our congruency, has to change as WE change. 

You know what else is cool?  I can look back at photos from the last 5 years and know exactly what year it was just by looking at what I was wearing.  

I can remember the INTENTION associated with the FEELS associated with the clothes!

I wore my word. I lived my word. I cultivated my word. 

Wearing your word allows you to LIVE YOUR WORD, instead of just applying your word to happenstance and circumstance. 

Wearing your word holds you accountable to YOU!

This is BIG WORK, my friends. And it’s accomplished in small, doable daily intentions that tangibly align you with your word/work in a tangible way. Hey! You gotta get dressed everyday anyway, so why not USE it to explore your growth edge!?

xo Stasia