FLOP-BARBLE-SPLAT: Adventures in Rope Swing Jumping

I just got back from an afternoon on the river, and I'll tell you what... I am feeling pretty darn proud of myself. Because today, I did a thing. A thing I have NEVER done before. Ever. In my whole life. 

You know I love me a good adventure, but even I have my limits. And rope-swings are one of them. 

They LOOK EASY enough, but dang, you gotta have some kinda hand-arm-core strength/coordination to hold on to the rope and swing, less you want to FLOP-BARBLE-SPLAT yourself into the water like an old wet towel. 

I've always had strong legs... but strong arms? Not so much. 

I've never dared to jump from a rope swing because... 

What if I can't hold on.
What if I can't get my legs up. 
What if I make a fool of myself.

I've paddled this section of river before, and never once did I notice those darn rope swings. Outta mind, outta site. Once I put them on my no-way-never list, my smarty-pants brain was able to NOT SEE THEM whenever I traveled this section of river. 

Until today, when my 7 year old son about fell out of his seat when he saw them. He wanted to give it a go, and I thought to myself, GOOD FOR HIM! He's perfect for this kind of sport. He's strong. He's agile. He's coordinated. He's GOT THIS.

He crawled out of his boat, stood on the top of the rock, grabbed onto the rope... and froze. 

He couldn't do it. I cheered for him. I told him I believed in him. I coached him. 

But he was too afraid. 

Then it came... MAMA, I'LL DO IT IF YOU DO IT.

Shit. 

A few years ago I decided that whenever a NO-WAY-NEVER opportunity popped up in front of me, I needed to stop, listen to what my inner-yammerings had to say, intentionally let those thoughts go, and then do the damn thing. 

Well, my default inner yammering was saying... your arms are just too damn skinny to carry your ass over the water, so you best say HELL NO, because if you try, it is NOT going to be pretty. 

I can be such an asshole to myself. 

I laid those tracks probably 25 years ago, and they were STILL THERE, trying to sabotage me. 

I don't let myself talk to myself that way anymore. Nowadays, I'm on my body's team. I believe in my body. I know my body will do ITS BEST, so I refuse to berate it for not being THE BEST. 

With nothing on the line but my ego... I hopped off my paddleboard, and gave it a go. 
 

CLICK IMAGE BELOW TO WATCH THE 15 SECOND VIDEO. 

I have watched this video at least a dozen times, and it cracks me up every single time I see it. I mean, did you see my landing?!?!?  Not exactly graceful. 

But you know what, I didn't get up there to be graceful. I got up there to show my ZZ what BRAVERY looked like.

And I did it. I jumped off that rock, swung from that damn rope swing, got myself a serious case of rope burn, and fell FLOP-BARBLE-SPLAT right into the water.

All of my fears came true. And I didn't care one bit. 

I was so PROUD of myself! 

I know that sounds kind of cheesy. It's not like I was 30 feet in the air, staring death in the eyeballs or anything. But I was staring WHAT-IF-I-FAIL in the eyeballs, and that right there... that's something. 

Afterwards, my husband said to me... good thing you changed your pants all those years ago, Stasia. And I laughed. Every single time I do something brave, that's what he says to me. Because he knows that changing my pants, changed my life. 

It's probably hard to understand the connection between changing my pants, and finding the courage to jump off a rope swing, but I'll tell you what, they are inextricably connected. 

I've spent years flexing my brave muscle in my closet, always pushing up against my boundaries, kicking up to my growing edge, challenging every no-way-never I come upon. When I first started on this journey, lipstick was on my no-way-never list. So were sequins, dresses, shorts, crop-tops, cowgirl boots, headscarves, big earrings, and BIKINIS. 

Everyday I flex my BRAVE MUSCLE. Everyday my BRAVE MUSCLE gets stronger. 

Not just in one area of my life, but in ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE. 

That's how BRAVERY works.

You wanna be more adventurous? More creative? More feisty? More bold? More grounded? More fierce? More YOU? Then practice CULTIVATING BRAVERY in your closet. 

Because SHOWING UP and LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE has everything to do with BRAVERY. And your closet is hands-down one of the best places to practice. 

You just have to dare. 

You have to DARE share your ideas. Speak your truth. Stand firm. Have your voice be heard. BE SEEN. 

THIS IS THE WORK OF STYLE SCHOOL. 

If you can SEE your BIGGEST MOST BEAUTIFUL LIFE up ahead of you, and it's just out of reach because you don't quite dare... NOW IS THE TIME to join THE SEPTEMBER SESSION OF STYLE SCHOOL. 

There are less than 25 spots available. Style School will SELL OUT. Once I reach capacity, I will CLOSE REGISTRATION. Class starts on Monday, September 14th.

xo Stasia

PS. ZZ didn't need to see his mama "nail" her rope swing jump. He just needed to see her dare.

How Bodies Are Like Bread

I don't cook. EVER. That's my husband's job. 

Save for the three meals I sorta know how to make, if I bother looking at the recipe.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

That's the sound of the smoke alarm. I set it off every damn time I go into the kitchen. The kids dread it when I cook because they know it means they're eating something burnt, something cold, something dry, something "well done". 

So when my friend Nici from Dig This Chick asked me if I wanted to take her sourdough break baking class last April, I burst out laughing. NO THANK YOU, I said. I hate cooking. 

But... it was corona-time, the news was stressing me out, my kids were driving me bananas, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to flex my "be brave enough to suck at something new" muscle. So I said WHAT THE HELL, and signed up for the class. 

And then, I braced myself, because it's hard to suck, to make mistakes, to fail.  

We're trained to believe that our successes defines our worthiness, and our failures, well, good luck with that, suckaaaaaaa. 

So, I psyched myself up with a pre-class-pep-talk.  

Stasia, you've never made bread before. You don't like cooking. And you're allergic to the kitchen. The instructions are 12 pages long, with a bazillion steps, that happen over the course of three days. IF YOU MAKE BREAD, and it comes out looking like a hockey puck, don't worry about it. It's fine. It doesn't mean you should quit, give up, or call yourself mean names. It just means you're learning. And you should be hella proud of yourself for giving it a go!

On Day 1 of the sourdough bread baking class, I sat and watched as person after person filled the Zoom chat-box with "but what if I fail" comments. 

It was heart breaking. I wanted to scream out... OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL! IF NOT THIS LOAF, THEN THE NEXT LOAF. OR THE LOAF AFTER THAT. YOU'RE LEARNING SOMETHING NEW, AND THAT IS AWESOME! DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND LET THE LOOK-OF-YOUR-LOAF DETERMINE YOUR VALUE, YOUR WORTHINESS, YOUR JOY. 

Nici, the instructor, was onto it. Over and over she'd say... NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE BREAD. 

We tell our kids "practice makes progress", but when it comes time for us to learn something new for the first time... we're terrified. 

And I get it. It's part of our training, our indoctrination, our brainwashing. 

It takes guts to call out the lies, and find comfort in the discomfort of failure. 

With my pep-talk in one pocket, and Nici's words - NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE BREAD, in my other pocket, I made my first loaf of bread, ever!

What a loaf! I was ecstatic with joy, and wondered if maybe I was a natural. I baked a few more loaves, all on my own, and hell if they weren't perfect too. I was beginning to think I was made of sourdough magic. 

And then came the hockey pucks. For WEEKS I made nothing hockey pucks.

Hockey pucks. Hockey pucks. Hockey pucks.

I mean sure, it was still bread. But I was starting to get frustrated. So I pulled that pep talk outta my pocket, and REMEMBERED.

You are new to making bread, and things have CHANGED since you first learned. The temperatures have changed. The flour has changed. The humidity has changed. Stay at it. Keep trying. Don't keep doing things the way you did them before things changed, and expect them to work. Make adjustments. Tweak. Try something new. And above all, STAY BRAVE, Stasia. STAY BRAVE. 

So I did. I stayed brave. I focused on the process. And I felt PROUD for not quitting. I dug in, I did research, I adjusted the kinds of flour I used, I adjusted the water, I adjusted the process. 

I didn't get mad. I got practiced.

And hell if I didn't figure it out... 

I'm on a roll right now with my perfect loaves, but I know that change is coming. The weather is about to shift, which means there's a good chance that what I'm doing today isn't gonna work next month. And I'll be back to hockey pucks. I can't blame the bread. The weather. Myself. 

Change turns everything that was known into something brand new. 

Bodies are like bread. 

When my body changes, I have to learn its nuances again for the first time. I have to shift my hemlines. I have to change the rise in my jeans. I have to buy bigger underpants. 

When I started my "style journey", I had NO IDEA how it would impact my life. I thought I would figure out how to put cute outfits together, find clothes that fit my body, mix patterns and wear big earrings. 

I thought that was my goal... but really, it was just the byproduct of "being brave enough to suck at something new".

I have spent the last 5 years becoming a beginner, over and over again. And with each new BEGINNING, I fall down, I stumble, I cry, I make mistakes. And then I get back up. Bruised. Battered. Proud. Fueled by BRAVE ENERGY. And HUNGRY to learn, grow, live even larger.

If you're looking to put some cute outfits together and find clothes that make you feel amazing in your today-body, you'll find that in Style School. And do you know how you'll get there? By BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO SUCK AT SOMETHING NEW. There is nothing more POWERFUL than being in community with a group of women who are HUNGRY to learn, to grow, to live their best lives. 

When you've got women-in-your-corner who SEE YOUR BRAVE, who are ON YOUR TEAM, who BELIEVE IN YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS, you can't help but revel in every "mistake", because it means YOU'RE LEARNING, YOU'RE GROWING, YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ALL THE NOISE THAT SAYS MISTAKES ARE POISON.

Just imagine what it would FEEL LIKE to have 40 women CHEERING FOR YOU in your Style School Sister Squad, day after day, with every brave step you took toward YOURSELF.

Honestly, it brings tears to my eyes. 

Registration for the next session of Style School opens Wednesday, February 28, 2024.

If you've been on the fence... now's your chance.  

I'm ready to cheer you on. 
xo Stasia 

Are You on Your Body's Team?

As many of you already know, two weeks ago today, I was out camping with my family when I noticed a lump in my breast. A significant lump. A lump that honest-to-goodness came outta nowhere. 

I had a mammogram in March. It wasn't there.
I had a breast exam in June. It wasn't there. 

And then baBAM, there is was. The size of a peanut m+m. Visible to the naked eye. 

I saw my midwife that afternoon. And a week later, I had an ultrasound. 

The results of the ultrasound suggested that the lump wasn't a cyst. It was a tumor. 

A TUMOR.

I was immediately scheduled for a lumpectomy. 

Do you know that feeling when you're driving along on a slushy or muddy road, and the wheel keeps herking and jerking in every direction but straight, and it takes all your presence of mind to stay in your lane? 

Well, that's what it felt like for me to STAY IN MY OWN LANE, and not get lost in imagination land, where I have a first-class degree in worst case scenarios. 

Every time my mind wanted to veer off into the land of WHAT IF... I had to DISRUPT that thought, and PIVOT back to the present moment. 

And do you know HOW I disrupted that thought?

WITH GRATITUDE. 

"I am so grateful to have such a good body that does good body things."
"I am so grateful I'm not at war with my body anymore."
"I am so grateful that I'm on my body's team."

I haven't always had the ability to disrupt and pivot away from those worst-case-scenario thoughts toward more present-minded thoughts. Nor have I always had this kind of reverence and respect for my today-body. 

You KNOW I spent most of my life hating my body for being "too" something.

Too small. Too big. Too dimply. Too fleshy. Too jiggly. Too droopy. Too knobby. Too skinny. Too fat. Too slow. Too awkward. Too loud. 

Whenever something happened TO my body, I was convinced that my body was doing something TO ME. Betraying me. Making fun of me. Shaming me. 

I was at war with my body. 

I thought my body's job was TO BEHAVE, and when it didn't, I was angry with it. 

"I've gone to the gym for 2 hours a day, almost every day for a year, and STILL you have cellulite. Damn you body."

"I've been cutting carbs for months now, and I STILL can't ditch the muffin top. Damn you body."

"I've done all the right things during this pregnancy, and I STILL miscarried. I STILL had a baby who was born with a host of physical differences. I STILL grew a "too big" baby. Damn you body. Why do you hate me so much."
 
As if any of that was my fault, OR my body's fault. 

Over the years, I've come to learn that my body's job isn't TO BEHAVE. My body's job is to be a body.

And guess what? 

My body does a damn good job being a body.

Our bodies work HARD. They are constantly changing, adapting, healing, and growing. They endure stress and grief and loss and hardship. They are doing EVERYTHING THEY CAN to keep us alive and well. And most of the time, they go about their business without so much as a thank you. 

The least we can do for our bodies is love them in return. And thank them. And remember that if something goes "wrong", it's not our body being an asshole. It's our body being a body... vulnerable, fragile, tender, fallible. 

On Wednesday, I went into surgery to get the tumor removed, feeling supported AND loved after spending the morning on Zoom with the gals in SSSPlatinum.

The procedure was hard on me AND my body. I watched and listened as the doctor sliced out a brownie-sized chunk of my breast. My body laid still as the doctor sliced out a brownie-sized chunk of its breast. We both hurt. We both winced from the discomfort. We both trembled. 

It took a full 24 hours for me to stop crying. Because it was hard. ALL OF IT was hard. 

And in that space of hardship, I found solace knowing that me and my body... we're on the same team, and we can handle whatever comes next. 

On Friday, I spent the afternoon blueberry picking with my family here in the wilds of Vermont, and I can hardly describe the feeling of EMBODIMENT that I felt. The sense of EASE. The knowing, that no matter what, WE were going to be okay. 

Later that afternoon, when the doctor called to say my biopsy results came back BENIGN, I was both overwhelmed and underwhelmed. I thought I'd CRY OUT in relief, body crumbling to the ground, but I didn't. I thanked the doctor for letting me know, told my family and friends the good news, and felt... at ease. 

It felt strange to feel so at ease. It STILL feels strange to feel so at ease. 

And now, as I write this note to you, tears are welling up in my eyeballs.

I've talked a good gratitude game for a long-ass time. I've practiced gratitude toward my today-body for years. And now, I'm seeing and feeling the POWER OF GRATITUDE more than I ever have, ever, in my whole life.

Six years ago I hated my body. I was at war with my body. I thought that my body was against me. And then... I changed my pants, and my whole damn life changed. 

It was my FIRST STEP toward realizing my body was not the problem. 

Over the years, I've built a loving relationship with my body... not by changing my body, but by changing my mind. I stood up against a system that was dead-set on keeping me at war with my body (we all know that war is profitable), and forged a new relationship with my body. One rooted in courage, confidence and congruency. Not vitriol, virulence, and vindictiveness. 

When I set out to "get right with style" all those years ago, I had NO IDEA that I was embarking on a journey of radical self-love. I had no idea that I'd someday wear a bikini, and not feel shame. I had no idea that I'd someday find a tumor in my breast, and rely on all those years of PRACTICING GRATITUDE FOR MY TODAY-BODY to keep me grounded, present, steady and at ease.

One thing is for sure. It's taken YEARS of consistent practice, with you by my side, to access this kind of steadiness. 

So thank you. THANK YOU for joining me on this journey of RADICAL SELF LOVE. 

I love you. All of you.

Stasia 

I Interviewed Raisa. Here Is What She Said.

You know how your phone will flash you a memory from two years ago, and it'll absolutely stop you in your tracks? Well, a couple of days ago, my phone flashed THIS PHOTO:

This is my daughter, Raisa.

Isn't she something? 

I mean... LOOK AT THOSE BROWS!

I took this photo for my TEDx talk. (It was included in the slides.) And then she WORE this outfit TO my TEDx talk for a little photo recognition! 

"Hey wait - that's the kiddo in the slide show!"

When this photo popped onto my screen a couple of days ago, it stopped me in my tracks because Raisa doesn't wear bowties anymore. 

At first my heart sank in sadness, because dang I LOVED her in button-downs and bowties. But then I thought about her today-style and realized... OF COURSE HER STYLE HAS CHANGED!

SHE has changed. 

Lately she's been ALL about the tees and the button-downs and the hair-swoosh, and I thought to myself... I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HER TODAY-STYLE! I mean, it's changed right before my very eyes, and I hadn't paused long enough to GET CURIOUS ABOUT IT. 

So I grabbed my computer, wrote down a bunch of questions, and requested a formal interview. 

Imagine my surprise when she said YES!

Mama: Raisa, you used to wear a lot of button-down shirts and bowties, but I noticed that you don't wear those anymore. Can you tell me why your style changed? 

Raisa: I don't like to be that fancy anymore. Now I like to be fancy and cool at the same time. 

Mama: Fancy and cool. Can you tell me what FANCY + COOL looks like to you? 

Raisa: I like to wear t-shirts. VIBRANT t-shirts. With button-downs, opened, with the sleeves rolled up. In the summer I like to wear shorts, with my royal blue sneakers. In the winter I like to wear jeans, with my black and blue hightop Vans. 

Mama: Do you wear this fancy-cool combo all the time? Some of the time? For special occasion?

Raisa: Every single day. All the time. Even on hikes. Wherever I go, this is what I wear. 

Mama: Why?

Raisa: Because it gives me a spark. It makes me FEEL GOOD. It makes people notice me. 

Mama: Speaking of being noticed... I'm your mama, so I have noticed that people sometimes stare at you. Why do you think people stare?

Raisa: Because I look different and unique. I mean, I have a four-fingered hand. I wear hearing aids. And people usually can't tell if I'm a boy or a girl. 

Mama: How does it make you FEEL when people stare?

Raisa: Eh, I don't care. It makes me smile because they're either interested, or curious. I like to be interesting! I mean... why should they NOT stare? We're all interesting in our own way. We all have a unique quality that nobody else has.

When little kids stare at me, I try to be my BEST self because I want them to see the BEST part of me first. I want them to see the fun side, the happy side, the loving side. 

When grown-ups stare at me, I usually just say hi or smile. 

Mama: What about bullies. Have you ever been bullied?

Raisa: I don't know. I mean, I guess so. But I don't take it that way. If I don't FEEL bullied, am I even being bullied? 

Mama: Who are you? (This was a trick question of sorts. Usually when I ask grownups this question, they say something like... I'm a mother, a friend, an attorney. I'm 41 years old. I live in Kansas. I have 4 cats.  But they never actually tell me WHO THEY ARE. I was curious to see how she'd answer this question.)

Raisa: I'm a happy, vibrant, fun, active person. I love to make people laugh because it means I've raised someone's spirits, and that makes me feel happy. 

Mama: Anything you wanna tell anybody about STYLE?

Raisa: You taught me to dress how you want to feel. Like, if you want to be a happy person, then wear something every day that makes you happy. Wear your favorite clothes. Everyday. It doesn't matter what activity you're doing... you wear your favorite outfit because it'll lift your spirits and make you feel good. It doesn't matter what other people think. OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT YOU. You are your own person. 

Mama: Actually, you taught me that Raisa. Don't you remember?! We call it Inside-Out Congruency. I did a whole TEDx talk about it! You were there. You got a standing ovation for goodness sake! 

❤️❤️❤️

After the interview was over, we got on ThredUp together and ordered a handful of new (second-hand) back-to-school button-down shirts. Colorful shirts. The kind that will give her the SPARK when she wears them. 

She walked outta my office, eyes forward / shoulders back, feeling pretty friggin good that her mama had taken the time to GET CURIOUS about the way she chooses to show up in the world. She felt psyched that I was able to ask her good questions while we were clothes shopping online. 

Will this give you the spark?
Is this one vibrant enough for you?
Do you think this one will make you feel cool?

I'll tell you what... she walked outta that 10-minute online shopping sesh feeling SEEN. 

And I thought... wouldn't it be cool if WE ALL INTERVIEWED OUR KIDS through the lens of  WONDEROUS CURIOSITY before doing our back-to-school shopping? 

Because then we'll not only learn more about the inner workings of our kids, but they'll likely drop some pretty fly kid-wisdom on us that'll make our heads explode with wonder and awe.

Like when Raisa said... [being stared at] makes me smile because they're either interested, or curious. I like to be interesting. I mean... why should they NOT stare? We're all interesting in our own way. We all have a unique quality that nobody else has.

🤯🤯🤯

Imagine if we noticed someone staring at us, and we ASSUMED it was because they were interested or curious about our uniqueness? And that made us smile and want to CONNECT with them? 

Seriously. IMAGINE IT. 

Wouldn't it change HOW you showed up in the world? Wouldn't you walk around differently if you were eager and ready to make eye contact with whoever thought you were interesting? Wouldn't you FEEL differently in your body if you didn't assume people were being judgmental boogers.

What would you wear if there were NO RULES?
What would you wear if you were getting dressed FOR YOU?

Guess what? 

There are no rules. You CAN get dressed for you.

Like my friend Debra Rapoport likes to say... "Where there are no rules, there is no fear."

So how about before you get dressed today or tomorrow, you think about WHO YOU ARE and HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL, and show your YOU-NESS on the outside! 

If this feels scary or daunting or OMG I HATE MY WHOLE CLOSET AND NOTHING FITS... don't worry. We've all been there. It might SEEM impossible, but it's not. I promise you, it's not. 

xo Stasia 

PS. If you haven't watched my TEDx talk, grab a tissue, and see Raisa's standing ovation for yourself!

I refuse to hide my body.

Question for ya. 

How many of you are getting younger?

Show of hands. 

Wait? How many? Exactly ZERO of you?

That's right. ZERO of you are getting younger. 

Interesting, isn't it, to think that NONE OF US are getting any younger, yet we live in a culture/society that teaches us that we gotta work harder to "get back" to our yesterday-body. The one we had BEFORE. When we were younger. 

Before you had a baby. Before you had surgery. Before you were diagnosed with a chronic illness. Before you had cancer. Before you hit menopause. Before you got divorced. Before the pandemic. Before grief struck. Before you gained 15 pounds for no "good reason" other than... you-have-a-body-and-it-changed.  

Here's the thing. There is ALWAYS going to be a before. 

When I was 25, I hated my body, and I wished for my 20 year old body. 
When I was 30, I hated my body, and I wished for my 25 year old body. 
When I was 35, I hated my body, and I wished for my 30 year old body.
When I was 40, I hated my body, and I wished for my 35 year old body. 

TRICKS ON ME, folks.

I was in a perpetual state of yearning for my yesterday-body, never EVER happy with my today-body. 

It never occurred to me that I was indoctrinated into a system of structural, social and societal bigotry that shames, dismisses and demoralizes fat bodies and aging bodies as being UN-ATTRACTIVE, UN-WORTHY, and UN-LOVABLE.

Nor did I consider that entire industries are counting on me hating myself so they can continue to make HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS OF DOLLAR off of my self-loathing. 

I spent most of my adult life at war with my body. Afraid of my body. Ashamed of my body. 

And here's the thing. I'm a white, straight, cis-gendered, able-bodied, thin woman living in America. 

In other words, I'm fucking privileged. And I STILL hated my body. I STILL feared what it might become. 

Gals, YOUR BODY IS NOT THE PROBLEM. 

Ageism. Racism. Sexism. Able-ism. Capitalism. Fat-phobia. 

THAT is the problem.

I absolutely REFUSE to HIDE MY BODY. I REFUSE to slink away in shame. I REFUSE to participate in a system that was designed to hijack my worthiness. 

Maybe you've been "lucky enough" to work hard and attain some kind of aesthetic today-body-satisfaction, but guess what? That doesn’t get you off the hook. Your body is going to go ahead and change. Because that's what bodies do. And eventually there will come a time when there won't be a diet or system or a cream or a procedure or a device that can "cure" your aging/changing body.

And you're going to be STUCK in your today-body. With ZERO skills of self-acceptance. 

OR, maybe you're not one of the "lucky ones" that can change your body into something you deem desirable, and you feel frustrated about that, so you're hiding your body. Waiting for your body to listen - obey - do as it’s told. 

You've pushed pause on life. 
You're waiting until you "lose that covid-15" to buy new pants. 
You're giving yourself one-more-year to lose that weight before buying yourself some clothes that make your SOUL FIRE sing. 

Here's what I think. 

THE GIG IS UP. 

Your today-body is a GOOD BODY, and it's time you start treating it as such.

How do you do that?

You say THANK YOU BODY, for being such a good body.
You say THANK YOU LEGS, for being such good legs.
You say THANK YOU ARMS, for being such good arms. 

When you show gratitude to your today-body for being a GOOD BODY that does GOOD BODY THINGS, then you are celebrating it for doing it's JOB. It's actual real and true job of supporting you as you LIVE YOUR ONE GLORIOUS LIFE!

When you show your body that kind of gratitude, your relationship with your body WILL CHANGE. 

When I was 41, I hated my body.
Now, I'm 45, and I feel Good as Hell in my today-body. And I’m done HIDING IT.

My body didn't change.
My relationship with my body changed.
Because I CHANGED how I interacted with my body. 

It's not easy, changing how you interact with your body. 

It's taken me years to RENAME, REFRAME, UNSHAME the conversations I have with and about my body, but I'll tell you what, it's one of the best things I've EVER done for myself. 

When I stopped hating myself, do you know what I found? MY VOICE. 

I have used my VOICE to cheer me, and THOUSANDS OF OTHER WOMEN on, because loving yourself is NOT EASY. 

It takes guts and commitment and tenacity and resilience to stand up to a system that’s intent on seeing you fail. 

Do you know what else it takes… COMMUNITY. 

We're up against a lot, me and you. And there is NOTHING LIKE BEING PART OF A SISTERHOOD of women who believe in you, who are committed to breaking through the noise of “too-much-ness” and “not-enough-ness” with you, and who SEE YOU in all of your worthiness, just as you are, in your one and only today-body.

Registration for the next session of Style School opens on Friday, August 28th, at noon EST.

If you're an alum, and you know someone who is itching for some revel-YOU-tionary SELF LOVE and sisterhood, then please forward this email to them. If that person itching to join the SSS sisterhood is you, then mark your calendars for Friday, August 28th, because I'll tell you what... the world is changing, and it needs YOUR VOICE, YOUR BRAVERY, YOUR FIRE more than anything right now. 

CURIOUS ABOUT THIS THING CALLED "STYLE SCHOOL"?

You're in luck, because I've gone ahead and taken TWO MEGA FOUNDATIONAL CHUNKS of the SSS curriculum, and turned them into a FREE CLASS. And I'm gonna teach it LIVE, on Thursday, August 27th at noon EST, so you can see FIRST HAND what a day-in-the-life of Style School is ALL ABOUT. 

Here's what I'll be covering in the PERSONAL STYLE FROM THE INSIDE OUT free webinar:

• What is Inside-Out Congruency

• Why I redefined BEAUTY

• How to decode your body’s shape

• How to unlock the magic of balance and proportion

Even if you don't want to do Style School, OR if you've already done Style School and just want a REFRESHER, you'll want to join this webinar because HOLY BUCKETS I'm giving out - FOR FREE - some seriously good Style School content.  Content that will challenge the way you think about style, teach you some things you've probably never learned before (hello balance and proportion), and inspire you to TRY A NEW WAY OF BEING IN YOUR TODAY-BODY. 

If you can't make it live, no big deal, because I'll be sending out the recording RIGHT AFTER THE CALL. All you gotta do is SIGN UP HERE to gain access to the webinar and the recording.  

If you've got ANY questions at all, find me on Instagram @StasiaSavasuk or send me an email and let me know. 

I'm ready and ROARING to go! 

xo Stasia 

Want to change the way you think about your today-body?

This morning, I had a thought. A revelYOUtionary thought. A thought that I think is going to change the way I respond to the dreaded "WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK" voice that yammers on inside my head. 

Now that I've got 19 sessions of Style School under my belt, I've got a pretty good handle on the 'ole "what will people think" thought that plagues so many of us. 

Wait. 

Who am I kidding.

Now that I've got 19 sessions of Style School under my belt, I've got a pretty good handle on the "what will people think" thought that every single one of us thinks from time to time if we're living a BRAVE BOLD BEAUTIFUL life. 

Why?

Because with guts comes vulnerability. 

If you step outside your comfort zone - if you dare, if you try, if you leap - you will feel vulnerable. 

And if you feel vulnerable, you are likely going to wonder "what will people think". 

I've been wearing the SAME PAIR OF DENIM SHORTS for just about the whole summer, and every time I slip them on, I feel like I'm breaking some sort of unwritten rule that says I cannot wear the same thing day after day after day. 

I sometimes wonder what people might think... and OF COURSE my assumptions are always AGAINST ME. 

Who does she think she is?
She thinks she looks great, but she doesn't.
My goodness, why doesn't she ever change her clothes!

After letting those thoughts run rampant in my mind, I'm sometimes tempted to ditch my cut-offs for something I don't want to wear, because I'm afraid of what people might think. 

I know. Nonsense. 

My usual OVERRIDE to the "what will people think" inquiry is "what other people think of me is none of my damn business". 

It's good. I've used it for years. It's gotten me outta many'a sticky moment. 

But this morning, I imagined taking that whole inner-inquiry INTO A DIFFERENT DIRECTION. 

Instead of disrupting the "what will people think" thought with "what other people think of me is none of my damn business", I imagined thinking: WHAT WOULD I - STASIA SAVASUK - THINK. 

Huh. 

So I imagined asking myself WHAT WOULD I THINK, if I saw a woman wearing the same cut-off shorts day after day.

I'd think... DAY-UM, this woman knows what's going on! She's found something that she loves, that makes her feel HELLA GOOD, that she's not willing to give up for any consumer-driven "rules" that say we gotta have at least THIS many pairs of shorts to be worthy of beauty, love, friendship, intimacy, respect, kindness. She's valuing herself over capitalism, and I think that's pretty damn awesome. She's IN her body. Connected to her body. Feeling good in her body. I'm here for it. 

Talk about SOVEREIGNTY!

It's me, giving myself a pep-talk. A permission slip. A pat on the back for being the person I want to be. 

Let's practice. 

EXAMPLE 1.

What will people think if I wear a minidress, even though I'm 45? 

Ugh. Wrong question. Cue every worst case scenario you can imagine. 

What would I think if I saw a 45 year old woman wearing a minidress?

I'd think... she is a revelYOUtionary woman! I'd admire the way she embraces her body and the way she doesn't pay attention to any of rules that say you can't do this or that after a certain age. I'd notice how she stands, with her eyes forward, and her shoulders back, feet planted on the ground, in complete ownership of her body. I'd think to myself, I love how she's not afraid to show a little leg! No hiding. No diminishing. No shame. Just a woman, living in her body. How BEAUTIFUL is that. 

EXAMPLE 2.

What will people think if they see me wearing a bikini, even though I have cellulite?

Ugh. This question will take you to hell and back. Don't do it. 

What would I think if I saw a woman wearing a bikini, not hiding her cellulite, and just living and loving in her today body?

I'd think... LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! She knows she's got just ONE BODY, and she's not going to waste one minute of it feeling ashamed of her body. Why should she! She's got an incredible body that does incredible body things. I'd notice her smile, her laughter, her ease. I'd see that her BEAUTY has nothing to do with the size of her body, or the smoothness of her thighs. I'd see that her BEAUTY has everything to do with how she EMBODIES her incredible human body. And in that moment, I'd feel the FREEDOM to do the exact same thing. 

EXAMPLE 3.

What will people think if they see me wearing a fancy dress, on a Tuesday, during a global pandemic?

GAHHH. Only ask this question if you want to feel like you're in 8th grade again. 

What would I think if I saw a woman wearing a dress on a regular ole Tuesday during a global pandemic? 

I'd think... now THERE is a woman who is willing to buck the stay-at-home norm of not giving a damn, and dress how she wants to FEEL. She's not waiting for permission. Or a reason. Or an excuse to "feel good". She knows her worth. She knows that life is worth celebrating, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Putting in this kind of effort when the world feels like it's going to hell in hand basket takes a special kind of SAUCE, and she's got it. In fact, her SAUCE makes me want to access my own SAUCE. 

Now... I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, I wouldn't be as nice as you, Stasia, because truth is, I kinda think she shouldn't be wearing a minidress at her age. And I definitely think she should wear a cover-up because LORDY nobody needs to see that kind of cellulite. And let's face it, she totally thinks she's ALL THAT, wearing a dress on a regular old Tuesday, during a global pandemic. 

I get it. I used to think those thoughts too. And do you know what I've learned? That those thoughts were not born inside of me. They were PLANTED INSIDE OF ME, starting at a very young age, from my mother, who was always very critical of herself AND other women.

My criticism of other women's bodies had NOTHING to do with other women's bodies, and EVERYTHING to do with my own pain, my own hurt, my own shame, my own training. All of which was passed down to me from my mother, who projected her own pain and hurt and shame and training onto me. 

This isn't something to be ashamed of. IT'S SOMETHING TO HEAL FROM. 

Nowadays, whenever a thought like that sneaks into my consciousness, I know that it's a blinking red light that's saying... THIS🚨IS🚨YOUR🚨WORK.

In other words, go ahead and ask yourself WHAT WOULD I THINK, and be honest with your answer. No matter what thought you think, it is an opportunity for growth and healing.

You'll either see that you are WAY NICER TO YOUR GAL-PALS THAN YOU ARE TO YOUR OWN DAMN SELF (holy wake-up call), or you'll see that you've got an opportunity to STOP GENERATIONAL SHAME in its tracks. 

Not gonna lie. This is hard work. 

But I'll tell you what... it is the WORTHIEST WORK I HAVE EVER DONE. 

Ever. 

When you are filled with tension and restlessness and criticism and judgment, you are GRIPPED. And I'll tell you what, I was GRIPPED for a long-ass time. 

That is not where JOY and BRAVERY and LOVE and TENDERNESS live. 

I believe you are worthy of all those things. 
I believe it's possible for you to be your own cheerleader.
I believe that right now, the world needs more joy-filled, brave, loving, tenderhearted women. 

No more "what will people think".

Only, WHAT WOULD I THINK? Said with conviction. Like the champion of women that you are.

Love, Stasia

PS. Registration for the NEXT SESSION OF STYLE SCHOOL opens on Friday, August 28th. This here is the work of Style School. YES, we talk about the clothes. We explore balance and proportion and color and jewelry and Inside Out Congruency. But we ALSO unpack generational shame, call out the lies we've been told and taught by people and institutions we "trust", and start renaming-reframing-unshaming the conversations we have with, and about, our incredible human bodies. 

I Took Off My Shirt, and It Was No BIG Deal.

I have an ANNOUNCEMENT I'd like to make. Seems that once summer rolls around, we start forgetting some really important things about having a human body. 

Did you know that it's TOTALLY NORMAL for your HUMAN BODY to have stretch marks? And cellulite? And scars?

Did you know that it's TOTALLY NORMAL for your HUMAN BODY to have jiggly bits and wobbly bits, hairy bits and bony bits, saggy bits and fleshy bits, muscular bits and perky bits? 

Did you know that it's TOTALLY NORMAL for your HUMAN BODY to change... without asking for permission!

😳😳😳

I know. That's not what we're taught.

We're taught that our today-body is supposed to be the same as our yesterday-body. And that CHANGE is only good if it happens in one direction ---> younger, slimmer, stronger, smoother. 

Gals, there's not a single one of us who's getting any younger. That's not how BIOLOGY works.

And guess what? Your HUMAN BODY didn't get the memo that its primary job is to be slimmer - stronger - smoother. 

Far as your body knows... its job is to do HUMAN BODY THINGS, like heal and grow and age and adapt and love and feel and delight and breathe and sense and experience and JUST BE A HUMAN BODY. 

We tend to THINK that OUR bodies are the worst kind of bodies. That OUR bodies are a problem. That OUR bodies are worse-off than other human bodies. 

And I'll tell you what. That kind of thinking is nothing but nonsensical horse shit. But you bet your bottom dollar I believed it. I thought MY cellulite was the WORST cellulite. I thought MY body was the worst kind of body. I thought that everybody else had it easier than me. I thought that I was the unlucky one... the one with "the curse".

Well guess what. MY BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM. And neither is yours.

We only THINK our cellulite, our scars, our stretch marks, our jiggly / wiggly / wobbly bits are a problem because we've been taught to believe they're a problem.  

But gals, the "training" and the "shaming" we've received is nothing but a big old money-making, woman-oppressing LIE. 

I've been doing the hard work of renaming - reframing - unshaming what it means to have a human body for YEARS, and hell if I still don't come upon residual body shame, tucked deep into the corners of my consciousness. 

In the last two weeks, I discovered two OPPRESSIVE BODY SHAMING RULES I've carried with me for my whole damn life.

GOOD-FOR-NOTHING-RULE-NUMBER-1:  For YEARS I've seen folks strip off their tees on the summit to let their shirts dry and to feel the summit breeze against their skin. For YEARS I've watched with longing eyes, but NEVER thought it was ok for me to take off MY shirt.

What in the world?!

I had no "good" rational or reason... just an "I wish I could do that", followed by some kind of internal yammering that sounded like this:

What will people think?
Who does she think SHE is?
She's too old for that!

ALL NONSENSE. All imaginary. All none of my business. 

So a couple of weeks ago, when I was hiking in Acadia National Park, I TOOK MY SHIRT OFF ON THE SUMMIT of the Bubbles, laid my t-shirt out to dry, and enjoyed the summit breeze on my belly. 

And guess what? It was NO BIG DEAL!

As we got ready to head down, I put on my t-shirt, and felt wicked PROUD for breaking THAT silly good-for-nothing rule. 

And then it occurred to me... I HAD ANOTHER RULE. 

GOOD-FOR-NOTHING-RULE-NUMBER-2: You know when it's about 900 degrees hazy-hot-and-humid outside, and your t-shirt sticks to you like whoa, so you take off your t-shirt and hike/bike/run/do yoga in just your sports bra??

Well, I had rule about that too. 

Shit. 

So this past weekend, when we were hiking up in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont, I decided NOT TO WEAR A T-SHIRT HIKING. 

Scandalous, I know. 

And guess what? IT WAS NO BIG DEAL. 

Because it IS no big deal.

I'm a woman. With a human body. That does good human body things. 

Listen gals, if you're feeling self conscious of your scars, your dimples, your stretch marks, your legs, your butt, your belly, your boobs, your arms, your neck, your back, your chin, your eyes, your ears, your fingers, your kneecaps, your ankles, your wrists, your WHATEVER, that is SHAME talking. 

You DO NOT CURE SHAME by changing your body - comparing your body - wishing you had a different body - hating other bodies. You cure shame by changing how you VIEW + VALUE HUMAN BODIES.

ALL HUMAN BODIES.

No matter their size, their shape, their color, their anything. 

Period.

Whatever oppressive shame-rules you've got tucked away inside the recesses of your mind, examine them. Challenge them. And my goodness, BREAK THEM. 

I mean it.

What ONE good-for-nothing RULE do you have that you're ready to BREAK? 

Afraid to wear big earrings? DO IT.
Afraid to wear shorts? DO IT.
Afraid to wear a tank top? DO IT. 
Afraid to take off your cover-up? DO IT.
Afraid to wear a bikini? DO IT.
Afraid to wear lipstick? DO IT.
Afraid to wear a brightly colored face mask? DO IT.
Afraid to mix patterns. DO IT.

You've got ONE BODY, and it deserves to be treated like PURE GOLD. 

xo Stasia 

P.S. Registration for the next session of Style School opens on Friday, August 28th. Standing up to BODY SHAME takes guts, and in Style School, we flex our BRAVE MUSCLES every.single.day because WE ARE GUTSY WOMEN, and we are DONE hiding our incredible human bodies!

Jeans Getting Snug? Here's what to do about it.

My jeans are feeling a little snug.  Not TOO snug, but they're sitting at the upper margins of "comfortable", and I know that if my body changes just a wee bit more, they are gonna start to hurt my feelings.  

And when that happens... I'll have to move BUY NEW PANTS to the top of my priority list.  I don't mean my "shopping" priority list. I mean my LIFE priority list. 

Gals, you and I need pants that fit our bodies.

Buying pants to fit your body as it changes is not "giving in" or "giving up."
Buying pants to fit your body as it changes is a way of giving LOVE.

MY body has changed in the last month... which is to be expected, because I have a human body, and human bodies change.

Sometimes my body changes for no "good" reason.
Sometimes my body changes when I'm going through some-emotional-thing.  
Sometimes my body changes because my routine changes.

Best I can figure, my body changed THIS TIME because my routines fell to shit around the holidays AND and I was nursing a couple of new injuries. Four months into my learn-how-to-do-a-cartwheel (FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE) practice, I pulled my groin muscle something wicked AND got bursitis in my right wrist. 

(Yes, it's true. I've NEVER in my life done a cartwheel. Not even when I was a kid. And at 45, I've decided to learn. Every week after my hip-hop class, I receive private cartwheel instruction from my dance teacher, Toni. It's scary, and embarrassing, and hard, and gets ALL the negative-voices-inside-my-head roaring their mighty roar. But I'm committed. Not ONLY because I want to learn how to do a cartwheel, but because it's a great lesson in going toe-to-toe with shame, and getting-over-my-damn-self.)

Between the cartwheel injuries and the holiday madness, I didn't dance OR practice my cartwheels OR go for a walk, not even once.  (I DID get out for my weekly Sunday hikes, and squeeze in two dance-yoga classes at Kripalu during my teaching weekend, but I took it easy, and did a ton of stretching.)

MY BODY IS RESPONDING to my lack of movement and all of the yummy meals I ate around the holidays. And you know what... I'm not mad at my body for changing.

Why?

BECAUSE BODIES CHANGE. I worked my body a little too hard during my cartwheel practice, and it responded with injury. So I had to slow down. And when I slowed down, I gained a few pounds. 

BIG DEAL. 

Weight gain isn't something to fear.  It doesn't mean you should feel ashamed of yourself. 

Of course, that's not what we're taught. We're taught that if we gain weight, then we've failed - that we've "let ourselves go" - that we're lazy.

We're made to feel ASHAMED when our bodies change.  

You guys. Bodies change.

They change for all kinds of reasons, whether we like it or not. 
My body's job isn't to be pretty and to stay the same size. 

My body's job is to be a human body. 
MY JOB is to take care of my human body.
So that my body can take care of me.

For me, that means eating foods that make my body feel energized, hiking on Sundays, walking my kids to and from school, and going to dance class. It also means slowing down when I get an injury. 

It doesn't mean pushing myself THROUGH an injury because I'm afraid of what will happen to my body if I stop moving/exercising. It doesn't mean obsessively restricting my food intake, and counting my calories while my body is healing. And when/if my pants become too small, it doesn't mean I'm going to punish my body by wearing too-small pants that squeeze my guts and make my crotch burn when I sit down because they're so tight!! 

That's just... mean. That's what bullies do. And I refuse to be a bully to my body. 

Yet... how many of you have done this?  

I know, I have too.  I used to do this ALL THE TIME.  Not anymore though. I've wised up to the brainwashing tricks of the multi-bajillion-dollar-industrial-diet-complex that has, in the past, highjacked my good sense and convinced me that I should feel ashamed for "letting" my body change. 

So here I am, in my today-body, wearing pants that I have filled to the brim, and feeling good about it; I'm making a conscious decision to honor my body as it changes... not punish it. 

This is what unconditional (body) love "looks" like. And I threw "looks" in quotes there, because loving your body has NOTHING to do with what your body actually LOOKS like.  It has to do with how you TREAT your body, not just when it's behaving the way you want it to, but when it's changing WITHOUT your express permission. 

I wanna know... how do YOU honor your body when it changes? Is it something that comes easy for you? Or do you have to work at it? 

I know I have to work at it, every damn day. But I gotta tell you, I think it's worth it. 

#mybodyisnotaproblem #itstheculture

xo Stasia