I Interviewed Raisa. Here Is What She Said.
You know how your phone will flash you a memory from two years ago, and it'll absolutely stop you in your tracks? Well, a couple of days ago, my phone flashed THIS PHOTO:
This is my daughter, Raisa.
Isn't she something?
I mean... LOOK AT THOSE BROWS!
I took this photo for my TEDx talk. (It was included in the slides.) And then she WORE this outfit TO my TEDx talk for a little photo recognition!
"Hey wait - that's the kiddo in the slide show!"
When this photo popped onto my screen a couple of days ago, it stopped me in my tracks because Raisa doesn't wear bowties anymore.
At first my heart sank in sadness, because dang I LOVED her in button-downs and bowties. But then I thought about her today-style and realized... OF COURSE HER STYLE HAS CHANGED!
SHE has changed.
Lately she's been ALL about the tees and the button-downs and the hair-swoosh, and I thought to myself... I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HER TODAY-STYLE! I mean, it's changed right before my very eyes, and I hadn't paused long enough to GET CURIOUS ABOUT IT.
So I grabbed my computer, wrote down a bunch of questions, and requested a formal interview.
Imagine my surprise when she said YES!
Mama: Raisa, you used to wear a lot of button-down shirts and bowties, but I noticed that you don't wear those anymore. Can you tell me why your style changed?
Raisa: I don't like to be that fancy anymore. Now I like to be fancy and cool at the same time.
Mama: Fancy and cool. Can you tell me what FANCY + COOL looks like to you?
Raisa: I like to wear t-shirts. VIBRANT t-shirts. With button-downs, opened, with the sleeves rolled up. In the summer I like to wear shorts, with my royal blue sneakers. In the winter I like to wear jeans, with my black and blue hightop Vans.
Mama: Do you wear this fancy-cool combo all the time? Some of the time? For special occasion?
Raisa: Every single day. All the time. Even on hikes. Wherever I go, this is what I wear.
Mama: Why?
Raisa: Because it gives me a spark. It makes me FEEL GOOD. It makes people notice me.
Mama: Speaking of being noticed... I'm your mama, so I have noticed that people sometimes stare at you. Why do you think people stare?
Raisa: Because I look different and unique. I mean, I have a four-fingered hand. I wear hearing aids. And people usually can't tell if I'm a boy or a girl.
Mama: How does it make you FEEL when people stare?
Raisa: Eh, I don't care. It makes me smile because they're either interested, or curious. I like to be interesting! I mean... why should they NOT stare? We're all interesting in our own way. We all have a unique quality that nobody else has.
When little kids stare at me, I try to be my BEST self because I want them to see the BEST part of me first. I want them to see the fun side, the happy side, the loving side.
When grown-ups stare at me, I usually just say hi or smile.
Mama: What about bullies. Have you ever been bullied?
Raisa: I don't know. I mean, I guess so. But I don't take it that way. If I don't FEEL bullied, am I even being bullied?
Mama: Who are you? (This was a trick question of sorts. Usually when I ask grownups this question, they say something like... I'm a mother, a friend, an attorney. I'm 41 years old. I live in Kansas. I have 4 cats. But they never actually tell me WHO THEY ARE. I was curious to see how she'd answer this question.)
Raisa: I'm a happy, vibrant, fun, active person. I love to make people laugh because it means I've raised someone's spirits, and that makes me feel happy.
Mama: Anything you wanna tell anybody about STYLE?
Raisa: You taught me to dress how you want to feel. Like, if you want to be a happy person, then wear something every day that makes you happy. Wear your favorite clothes. Everyday. It doesn't matter what activity you're doing... you wear your favorite outfit because it'll lift your spirits and make you feel good. It doesn't matter what other people think. OTHER PEOPLE ARE NOT YOU. You are your own person.
Mama: Actually, you taught me that Raisa. Don't you remember?! We call it Inside-Out Congruency. I did a whole TEDx talk about it! You were there. You got a standing ovation for goodness sake!
❤️❤️❤️
After the interview was over, we got on ThredUp together and ordered a handful of new (second-hand) back-to-school button-down shirts. Colorful shirts. The kind that will give her the SPARK when she wears them.
She walked outta my office, eyes forward / shoulders back, feeling pretty friggin good that her mama had taken the time to GET CURIOUS about the way she chooses to show up in the world. She felt psyched that I was able to ask her good questions while we were clothes shopping online.
Will this give you the spark?
Is this one vibrant enough for you?
Do you think this one will make you feel cool?
I'll tell you what... she walked outta that 10-minute online shopping sesh feeling SEEN.
And I thought... wouldn't it be cool if WE ALL INTERVIEWED OUR KIDS through the lens of WONDEROUS CURIOSITY before doing our back-to-school shopping?
Because then we'll not only learn more about the inner workings of our kids, but they'll likely drop some pretty fly kid-wisdom on us that'll make our heads explode with wonder and awe.
Like when Raisa said... [being stared at] makes me smile because they're either interested, or curious. I like to be interesting. I mean... why should they NOT stare? We're all interesting in our own way. We all have a unique quality that nobody else has.
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Imagine if we noticed someone staring at us, and we ASSUMED it was because they were interested or curious about our uniqueness? And that made us smile and want to CONNECT with them?
Seriously. IMAGINE IT.
Wouldn't it change HOW you showed up in the world? Wouldn't you walk around differently if you were eager and ready to make eye contact with whoever thought you were interesting? Wouldn't you FEEL differently in your body if you didn't assume people were being judgmental boogers.
What would you wear if there were NO RULES?
What would you wear if you were getting dressed FOR YOU?
Guess what?
There are no rules. You CAN get dressed for you.
Like my friend Debra Rapoport likes to say... "Where there are no rules, there is no fear."
So how about before you get dressed today or tomorrow, you think about WHO YOU ARE and HOW YOU WANT TO FEEL, and show your YOU-NESS on the outside!
If this feels scary or daunting or OMG I HATE MY WHOLE CLOSET AND NOTHING FITS... don't worry. We've all been there. It might SEEM impossible, but it's not. I promise you, it's not.
xo Stasia
PS. If you haven't watched my TEDx talk, grab a tissue, and see Raisa's standing ovation for yourself!