How Bodies Are Like Bread
I don't cook. EVER. That's my husband's job.
Save for the three meals I sorta know how to make, if I bother looking at the recipe.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
That's the sound of the smoke alarm. I set it off every damn time I go into the kitchen. The kids dread it when I cook because they know it means they're eating something burnt, something cold, something dry, something "well done".
So when my friend Nici from Dig This Chick asked me if I wanted to take her sourdough break baking class last April, I burst out laughing. NO THANK YOU, I said. I hate cooking.
But... it was corona-time, the news was stressing me out, my kids were driving me bananas, and I thought it would be a good opportunity to flex my "be brave enough to suck at something new" muscle. So I said WHAT THE HELL, and signed up for the class.
And then, I braced myself, because it's hard to suck, to make mistakes, to fail.
We're trained to believe that our successes defines our worthiness, and our failures, well, good luck with that, suckaaaaaaa.
So, I psyched myself up with a pre-class-pep-talk.
Stasia, you've never made bread before. You don't like cooking. And you're allergic to the kitchen. The instructions are 12 pages long, with a bazillion steps, that happen over the course of three days. IF YOU MAKE BREAD, and it comes out looking like a hockey puck, don't worry about it. It's fine. It doesn't mean you should quit, give up, or call yourself mean names. It just means you're learning. And you should be hella proud of yourself for giving it a go!
On Day 1 of the sourdough bread baking class, I sat and watched as person after person filled the Zoom chat-box with "but what if I fail" comments.
It was heart breaking. I wanted to scream out... OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL! IF NOT THIS LOAF, THEN THE NEXT LOAF. OR THE LOAF AFTER THAT. YOU'RE LEARNING SOMETHING NEW, AND THAT IS AWESOME! DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND LET THE LOOK-OF-YOUR-LOAF DETERMINE YOUR VALUE, YOUR WORTHINESS, YOUR JOY.
Nici, the instructor, was onto it. Over and over she'd say... NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE BREAD.
We tell our kids "practice makes progress", but when it comes time for us to learn something new for the first time... we're terrified.
And I get it. It's part of our training, our indoctrination, our brainwashing.
It takes guts to call out the lies, and find comfort in the discomfort of failure.
With my pep-talk in one pocket, and Nici's words - NO MATTER WHAT, YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE BREAD, in my other pocket, I made my first loaf of bread, ever!
What a loaf! I was ecstatic with joy, and wondered if maybe I was a natural. I baked a few more loaves, all on my own, and hell if they weren't perfect too. I was beginning to think I was made of sourdough magic.
And then came the hockey pucks. For WEEKS I made nothing hockey pucks.
Hockey pucks. Hockey pucks. Hockey pucks.
I mean sure, it was still bread. But I was starting to get frustrated. So I pulled that pep talk outta my pocket, and REMEMBERED.
You are new to making bread, and things have CHANGED since you first learned. The temperatures have changed. The flour has changed. The humidity has changed. Stay at it. Keep trying. Don't keep doing things the way you did them before things changed, and expect them to work. Make adjustments. Tweak. Try something new. And above all, STAY BRAVE, Stasia. STAY BRAVE.
So I did. I stayed brave. I focused on the process. And I felt PROUD for not quitting. I dug in, I did research, I adjusted the kinds of flour I used, I adjusted the water, I adjusted the process.
I didn't get mad. I got practiced.
And hell if I didn't figure it out...
I'm on a roll right now with my perfect loaves, but I know that change is coming. The weather is about to shift, which means there's a good chance that what I'm doing today isn't gonna work next month. And I'll be back to hockey pucks. I can't blame the bread. The weather. Myself.
Change turns everything that was known into something brand new.
Bodies are like bread.
When my body changes, I have to learn its nuances again for the first time. I have to shift my hemlines. I have to change the rise in my jeans. I have to buy bigger underpants.
When I started my "style journey", I had NO IDEA how it would impact my life. I thought I would figure out how to put cute outfits together, find clothes that fit my body, mix patterns and wear big earrings.
I thought that was my goal... but really, it was just the byproduct of "being brave enough to suck at something new".
I have spent the last 5 years becoming a beginner, over and over again. And with each new BEGINNING, I fall down, I stumble, I cry, I make mistakes. And then I get back up. Bruised. Battered. Proud. Fueled by BRAVE ENERGY. And HUNGRY to learn, grow, live even larger.
If you're looking to put some cute outfits together and find clothes that make you feel amazing in your today-body, you'll find that in Style School. And do you know how you'll get there? By BEING BRAVE ENOUGH TO SUCK AT SOMETHING NEW. There is nothing more POWERFUL than being in community with a group of women who are HUNGRY to learn, to grow, to live their best lives.
When you've got women-in-your-corner who SEE YOUR BRAVE, who are ON YOUR TEAM, who BELIEVE IN YOU WITH THEIR WHOLE HEARTS, you can't help but revel in every "mistake", because it means YOU'RE LEARNING, YOU'RE GROWING, YOU'RE LETTING GO OF ALL THE NOISE THAT SAYS MISTAKES ARE POISON.
Just imagine what it would FEEL LIKE to have 40 women CHEERING FOR YOU in your Style School Sister Squad, day after day, with every brave step you took toward YOURSELF.
Honestly, it brings tears to my eyes.
Registration for the next session of Style School opens Wednesday, February 28, 2024.
If you've been on the fence... now's your chance.
I'm ready to cheer you on.
xo Stasia