My harrowing escape from a fake competition
Long time, no see!
I just finished teaching the 20th session of Style School last week, and OH MY WORD, it was phenomenal! Seeing life-changing transformations happen right before my very eyes NEVER gets old.
I spent all day, everyday, hanging out with these gals, and I tell you what... if you are feeling STUCK in your life - in your body - in your mind, collective braving + collective healing is a gateway to freedom.
Whew. What a session.
Anywayyyyy.... I was so busy in SSS20, that I didn't get a minute to connect with YOU in your inbox. And I missed you!
When I was out on my Sunday hike yesterday, I had this FUNNY THING happen to me, and I thought to myself... I gotta tell my people this story, because they are sooooo gonna get it!
So here goes.
I'm in the White Mountains of New Hampshire right now, WITHOUT MY FAMILY, settling in for a week of writing (book proposal, ya'll!), and couldn't wait to get out on a solo Sunday hike to kick off my week alone.
I had visions of RUNNING up Mount Willard. Like a gazelle. Or a mountain goat. Or maybe a spring chicken.
I was a woman, full of vim and vigor, who was NOT going to be held back by her kids. Oh the glory!
I started out on the flats feeling so strong. So fast. So smooth.
And then, the uphill.
Within 4 minutes, I was exhausted, and needed to slow down.
That's when the voices-inside-my-head started yammering their mighty yammer...
You're not the hiker you used to be.
You should be ashamed of yourself, letting yourself go like this.
And you thought you were a strong hiker, ha!
You might wanna think about losing a few pounds.
As the thoughts came in, I just... listened to them. Kind of like an observer. Which was cool, because if I was listening to the thoughts, then I wasn't the thoughts. They were separate from me. NOT ME.
So, I spoke up and said to my thoughts...
Hey now, I'm here to hike a mountain, move my body, clear my head, get the ya-yas out, and that's exactly what I'm doing. And you're right, I'm NOT as fast as I am in my head, but geez, the image I have of myself is 10, maybe 15 years old, which, WAIT A SECOND. Was it YOU that planted that thought inside my head, knowing I wouldn't be able to keep up, just so you could trick me into feeling badly about my today-body? You sneaky little bastard you! I'm not having it. I have a darn good body that does good body things, and I think it's GREAT that I'm out here, hiking all alone!"
I legit had that conversation with myself. I thought I had that voice under control, but hell if it didn't try to hook me in from another angle!
Okay, fine. Good body. But dude, DO NOT let those folks catch up to you. Move Move Move. Because if they DO catch you... you are washed.up. Might as well retire your hiking shoes.
Since being in competition with myself didn't send me into a spiral of shame, they figured they'd come at me from OUTSIDE, and manufacture a competition with people I didn't even know!
Well, I quipped back with...
REALLY? You want me to go into fake-competition with strangers? Nice try, pal. Nice try.
And just like that, no more mean thoughts.
The whole escapade lasted less than 5 minutes, which I think is just AWESOME. Because in the olden days of being me, I would have gone into competition with myself, AND with every other person on the trail. I would have spent the entire hike, stuck inside my head, trying to PROVE myself. And guess what? I would have lost. Because the path to PROVING YOURSELF is a trick, there is no end game, only more just-out-of-reach competitions you can't win.
Gals, thoughts are... thoughts. They are not YOU. They are FOR SURE not you if they are mean, degrading, hurtful, shaming, nasty.
Because YOU don't talk to YOU that way.
You might think YOU do, but YOU don't. Thoughts do. And thoughts are just jumbled up nonsense ideas that we've all absorbed from living in a hierarchical society that keeps us competing with each other (and ourselves) so we can claw our way to the top a mythical and fantastical ladder because THEN WE'LL BE HAPPY and WORTHY OF LOVE.
Lordy, it's exhausting. AND, it's a lie.
All you gotta do is OPT OUT.
And here's what's cool... after I metabolized all those nonsense competitive-for-no-good-reason thoughts, I found my rhythm, settled into a really good pace, and hell if I didn't FEEL like a gazelle bounding up that mountain. Or maybe a chicken. For sure a woman with a really good today-body that does good body things.
Don't let your thoughts treat you like garbage. Observe them, listen to them for a minute or two, and then do yourself a favor and stand up for your damn self.
Because nobody, and I mean nobody, gets to talk to you that way.
xo Stasia