TOP 5 REASONS we Keep Stuff in our Closet that we Don't LIKE WANT OR NEED

Today we're going back to basics and talking about the act of LETTING GO! Because if I've heard it once, I've heard it 1000 times...  "I have a closet full of clothes but absolutely NOTHING to wear!"

This sentiment leaves one feeling superficial, shallow and trite.  "How in the world could I have so much stuff in my closet, yet at the same time, feel like I have absolutely nothing to wear." Sometimes, we grown ups even cry and throw grown-up temper-tantrums because we can't find anything to wear.  (Been there.  Done that.)

Lucky for you, I know why you've got a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear. And because I was a science major in college, I'm going to break it down for you real scientifically, using advanced statistical analysis.

The problem you face is due to what's called The Pareto Principle, or the 80-20 Rule. Basically, it means that 80% of the output is determined by 20% of the input.

• 80% of the meals you cook come from 20% of your recipes

• 80% of your emails come from 20% of your contacts

• 80% of the comments on my blog come from 20% of my readers

• 80% of the outfits you wear come from 20% of your wardrobe

Did you catch that?  80% of what you wear comes from only 20% of your wardrobe.  That means 80% of your wardrobe is just sitting there, taking up space, not getting worn, and leaving you feeling every which way to GUILTY you can imagine.

It means that you don't even like (or know how to wear) 80% of what you own!

And that's crazy-town. But here's the thing... since I've spent a good deal of time in women's closets, I've learned that we have some pretty damn good reasons (ummm... read, excuses) we hold on to stuff we don't need, like or want. And after lots of consideration, I've come up with the TOP 5 REASONS we Keep Stuff we Don't NEED LIKE OR WANT.

1. But-I'm-Saving-It-For-When-I-Lose-Weight

There is no sure-fire way to get yourself into a bad mood than to stand in front of a closet filled with clothes that are TOO SMALL.All kinds of feelings will come up for you, and I can guarantee this - not one of them will be feelings of creativity, confidence, empowerment and beauty.

Do me a favor, and take all of your too-small clothes out of your closet.NOW!

So you had a smokin' hot body before babies, huh? I believe you. I know it's hard to let go of that memory of yourself. But here's the thing... YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL. AS YOU ARE. RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

You don't have to ditch those too-small clothes if you honestly think you might fit into them again (be real with yourself here), but please take them out of the closet and stick them in a bin in your attic.

2. But-I-Paid-A-Lot-For-It

I feel you, but if you don't like whatever it is you paid a lot for, get it the hell out of your closet. It's really that simple. If you want to recoup some of the money you spent, then bring it to a consignment shop or sell it on eBay.

Or, simply let go of it.  Letting go brings its own tidal wave of abundance and riches.

3. But-It-Was-A-Gift

It's simple. There is no room in your closet for stuff you don't like. And let's face it... the only reason you're holding on to it is because you're afraid the gifter might ask you where it is.

NEWSFLASH:  Gift-giving is SUPPOSED to be a selfless act. I know many people don't practice selfless gift giving, but that certainly doesn't mean you have to carry the brunt of someone's inability to give selflessly.

If you can't bare selling or donating it, then think of something special you can do with it.  Can you up-cycle it into something fab? Can you re-gift it to your BFF that raves about it every time she looks into your closet?  Is there a family in need in your community that would love and value and appreciate it?

If you do something noble with that undesirable gift, then giving an explanation as to where it ended up won't hurt so badly.

4. But-I-Might-Need-It-Someday

Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not. But you should be able to count on ONE HAND all of your "someday" pieces. Any more than that is just clutter.

5. But-I-Used-To-Love-It

One word.EXPIRED. It's okay to love something, then not love it any more. Things change. Bodies change. Jobs change. Life changes!A lot of women hold on to clothes from previous careers, because they don't want to let go of that past life. You know… that job where you made lots of money and felt really important.Holding onto your past will not give you validation of your worth today. Just like keeping clothes from your "skinny days" won't make you skinny and sexy and more worthy of love today.

Holding on to WHO YOU WERE will only distract you from fully embracing WHO YOU ARE today. 

If you go through your closet and eliminate everything that falls into the 5 categories above, you will DRAMATICALLY shift the 80-20 rule in your favor.

Don't get into thinking it needs to be an 8-hour monstrous closet clean out event either.

Today, do your socks drawer. Tomorrow, your t-shirt drawer. The day after that, your skirts.And then the next day, your dresses.Until you've gone through EVERY LAST THING you own.

You know that little voice inside your head that's saying you have far more important things to do with your time... recognize it, and then start cleaning out your closet with vigor. And that voice that's telling you to shut up and be happy with what you have... notice it, and then get shit done anyway. There is a demented, selfish, self-deprecating part of all of us that likes us to remain defeated, small, powerless and unworthy by pretending its got our best interest in mind... and it's hogwash. TOTAL HOGWASH.

Once you've gone through everything and have let go of all that clutter, you may or may not have a lot left in your closet. I know after my first major closet clean-out, I had 2 pairs of jeans, a handful of shirts, and a couple of sweaters left... and that was about it. But, GUILT was no longer filling my space. Opportunity was!

So go on, LET GO OF GUILT and create space in your closet for OPPORTUNITY.

xo Stasia

Do these pants make my butt look BIG?

You know just as well as I do that this is a weighted question, and the thought of having to answer this question puts people into an anxiety induced temporary state of shock… their heart rate increases, their brow begins to sweat, they experience rapid and shallow breathing, nausea and lightheadedness. They may even become weak at the knees and need to sit down. (Alright maybe that's a little melodramatic but you get the point!)

Why? Because no simple YES or NO answer will do.

If one answers YES to this question, it can drop us to our knees with feelings of irreparable inadequacy and a huge plummet in self esteem.

If one answers NO, we immediately don’t trust our informant and assume they are only saying NO to protect us from the feelings of irreparable inadequacy that I mentioned above.

This is why what I’m about to share is going to ROCK YOUR WORLD!

My husband came up with a fool-proof, completely objective, blame-it-on-the-pants-not-your-butt method of answering this question, and it’s a marriage saver!

We use a rating system.

My husband knows full-well what my derriere looks like, so the system is based on what is already known to be true - the actual size of my tush.

The PANTS (or jeans, skirt, dress) can either…

1.  Make my butt look smaller than it actually is.
2. Make my butt look its actual size.
3. Make my butt look bigger than it actually is.

Do you see what’s happening here… all judgement is placed on the PANTS, and NOT on my butt!!

There are all kinds of contributors that affect what your butt looks like in a pair of pants. Things like… pocket size, pocket placement, rise, color, embellishments, inseam length, fading, etc. change the visual perspective, big time. So it makes sense to take the onus off your booty, and place it where it belongs, ON THE PANTS.

Here’s how the rating system is put into practice:

Rating of 1 (butt looks smaller than it is) - These 3 pairs of pants fit into the “butt looks smaller” category, and not gonna lie, that does NOT hurt my feelings.

Rating of 2 (butt looks it’s actual size) - If they fell good and I love everything about them, then I’m sold, because I’m okay with m'tush looking like m'tush because it is, after all, m'tush.

Rating of 3 (butt looks bigger than it is) - sorry, no pictures to show you, because I don’t buy pants that make my butt look bigger than my butt. My measurements are 30 - 30 - 40 so my butt is already stealing the show!

Do you see how brilliant this is?? There is no YES or NO required with 10,000 strings attached. There is simply a scale, based on factual, known, true, non-subjective data.

If you don’t believe in the success of this rating system, just listen to what my husband has to say:

“Honesty, integrity and dealing with conflict are some of my strengths. But answering “Yes, those jeans make your butt look big,” regardless of how honest this was, always seemed to bring unnecessary conflict. So in an effort to creatively resolve this conflict I’ve designed and patented (United States Patent #147329) this classic rating-system-response that works effortlessly. Stasia no longer dreads the response but actually solicits it as valuable information to help make purchases, decide what to wear to a party, etc. I encourage you to share this with your significant other. You’ll both be forever grateful!”

So go on, propose this new rating system to that special person in your life if you'd like an honest-to-goodness answer to the question, "Do these pants make my butt look big?".

xo Stasia

Discovering your POWER Accessory

What do...Kate Middleton’s fascinators; Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth; Abraham Lincoln’s top hat; Audrey Hepburn’s red lipstick; Mr. T’s gold chains; and Batman’s utility belt...all have in common?

Each fancy-pants person on this list (either real or fictional) has a Power Accessory. Their Power Accessories are so iconic in fact, that I don’t even need to show you a picture. Your mind’s eye already did that for you.

Would Mr. T "Pity the Fool" without all of his gold chains?  I doubt it.

POWER ACCESSORY: an item that can be added to your daily ensemble in order to make you feel more confident, put together, and self assured (aka - super powered).

You'll never believe me when I tell you that I coined and defined the term myself!! Go ahead. Google it. There’s nothing! (I have to say, as a budding stylist that’s trying to make her mark, this TOTALLY makes me feel legit.)

I'm sure you've heard of statement accessories. They are marketed toward women so they can feel less ordinary and mundane and more unique and interesting. All good. But I’m taking it a step further. Your Power Accessory doesn’t need to be a statement accessory… it could be as innocuous as a fancy bra, or as bold as a top hat. To qualify as a Power Accessory - it needs to give YOU power, and it has to suit your soul (not anybody else's). Trend and popularity and coolness need not apply.

Let me tell you about the time I discovered that I had a Power Accessory.

Once upon a time, I went to Walmart.  As soon as I walked through the doors, people started making eye contact with me - smiling at me - nodding at me. I even got a few winks! As I made my way through the aisles, I could not believe how much attention I was getting. In my experience, Walmart shoppers and staff do not rank high in the super-friendly department (except for the Walmart Greeter). I honestly wondered if people were mistaking me for somebody famous. I cashed out. Walked to my car. And sat in the driver’s seat in wonder. I looked in the mirror to see if I had kale in my teeth or a hummingbird in my hair - but nothing. Except, I WAS wearing this hot-pink, big-bead necklace I had recently picked up at the Salvation Army for 99 cents. Something I had never worn before. Hmmm I wondered. Could it be the necklace??

Having a background in science, I immediately decided to conduct a mini-experiment.

So I took the necklace off, and walked right back into the store. Except this time, nobody looked at me. Nobody made eye contact. Nobody stared. I was invisible. I walked around and around, and nothing. I left the store in total amazement.

I exuded something powerful in that hot pink 99-cent necklace. People noticed me. But why?

The necklace fit my features, suited my coloring, and was a perfect reflection of my character and personality (what I refer to as Inside-Out Congruency). And, it was thrifted, so I could wear it in good conscious, knowing it was representative of my values. But what else...

Magic.  That's all I can think of.  Pure INSIDE-OUT magic.

When I got back in the car, I put on my 99-cent POWER BEADS, and drove home reveling in my new magic, and it totally changed my life.

I know I know. I sound like a total cheeseball. But listen…

I discovered that I had a Power Accessory!! And that’s a BIG DEAL.

So now when I shop, I ALWAYS look for Power Beads. Not any necklace will do. If it doesn't make me feel mighty when I first put it on, then it's just a plain ole ordinary necklace.

When I need to buck up. Feel good. Be confident. Get people’s attention. I put on my Power Beads. When I’m feeling washed out. Defeated. Worn down. Exhausted. I put on my Power Beads. When I just want to feel good (like… everyday). I put on my Power Beads.

First Date. Job Interview. Childbirth. Meeting with the commissioner. Parenting (!!!). Anniversary. Doctor’s appointment. 10 loads of laundry. DMV. Wearing a bikini. Cooking breakfast with two kids yanking at your shirt tail, in 90 degree heat, while your eggs are burning, and they are late for school.

Basically. Life. There are always at least 15 times a day when I need to tap into my superpowers. That’s why I wear a Power Accessory EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Heck, I even wear my Power Accessories when I’m giving birth and catching frogs!

Do you have a Power Accessory? You may have one, but have never realized it. You might even have one, but are saving it “for best” (if this is true - STOP IT - now is the best time!!).

If you HAVE NOT discovered your Power Accessory yet, here is your homework:

1. Take an accessory inventory - socks, bras, purses, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, rings, hair bows, hats, barrettes, shoes, scarves, bow ties, lipstick, etc. Remember, it doesn't need to be a trendy statement accessory. Go outside the box here! 2. Take a good hard look at all of your accessories, try them on, take note of how you FEEL in them. If something makes you feel like a ROCK STAR, then that's probably your power accessory. And you should be wearing it, or a variation of it, ALL THE TIME.

Don't be suprised if you come up with more than one. Though my Power Beads are my #1 Power Accessory, I would say scarves rank a close second.  I also have a great Gorin Bros. hat that I just love, and a leather cuff that makes me feel wicked cool.

Now that I've marveled you with my excellent stylist prowess, tell me all about YOUR best Power Accessory! If you haven't figured it out yet, don't fret. Give it some time, THEN please please please come back and tell me all about it! If you're on Instagram or Facebook, take a picture and TAG ME!

To your Super Power!!

xo Stasia