WORDS over RESOLUTIONS

I’ve tried New Year’s resolutions in the past, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never ever completed or succeeded at a single one. Not that I have a fear of commitment… I just can’t maintain the va-va-va-voom required to stick with something that quite frankly is something I’m a wee bit resistant to in the first place, otherwise I’d just do it, and not call it a resolution!  Usually resolutions are “I shoulds”, not “I want from the deepest depths of my soul” and I’m not much good at doing something I really don’t want to do.

So last year I did something different. I said to hell with resolutions, and decided to commit an ENTIRE YEAR to ONE SINGLE WORD. I spent some time prior to the start of 2014, distilling down my number one internal negative-self-talk garbage, and then I set out to view my life’s experiences through that one-word word.

Last year, my word was “VALUE”. I’ve long had this warped correlation in my mind between personal worth and financial worth.  To put it simply... the amount of money you have determines your value as a human. Though I know in my mind that this correlation is totally nuts and doesn’t make any sense, it’s something I’ve struggled with.

It holds me back and makes me play small.

Try starting a biz and charging money for your services when you don’t believe you’re worth it… or even worse, you don’t believe you deserve it.

It. Sucks.

I know I’m good at what I do. I receive the best testimonials, like this one…

I always felt like Stasia had my back and wanted what was best for me. Plus, she’s seriously funny. AND she knows her stuff! I had NO idea getting dressed had so many puzzle pieces… I thought there was something wrong with me!!  But Stasia showed me it just takes a little know how and suddenly you look and feel pulled together and confident. I also didn’t realize how much of myself was being lost by not matching my outside to my inside. That inside-out congruency is NO JOKE! I look WAY more pulled together and I’m using stuff from my own closet! I haven’t spent much money, yet I FEEL like a million bucks!?  Tami H.

And the pictures!! My clients send me THE BEST most brilliant smiling-from-ear-to-ear pictures of themselves, wearing outfits that suit their soul so perfectly it makes my heart sing and my cheeks red hot with pride and joy.

It’s funny how the universe works.

When I set my word, I thought I was setting myself up to be the recipient of all sorts of VALUE. I was thinking that cash would swarm me like a sky full of cicadas.

Ironically, 2014 was the craziest most bas-akward year for me financially. EVERYTHING went wrong. Roof. Cars. Lawnmower. Dishwasher. Snowblower. You name it. It broke.

Or… maybe it wasn’t ironic at all.  Maybe I just needed a money lesson so big that it would really and truly shake the wonky foundation of my money/value belief system.  Apparently I’m not a quick study, so it took something HUGE for me to WAKE UP and smell the damn coffee. And that’s exactly what happened.

I spent the ENTIRE year looking at all of my “bad money luck” experiences through my VALUE lens. Not as easy as it sounds… because first I would scream, then cry, then laugh out of exasperation, then perseverate on my bad luck… THEN I would settle down and look at what was happening through the VALUE lens.

And here is was I learned:

• when you pay for a service, you are not only paying for someone’s skill, but you are paying for their honesty and integrity, and the goodness in their heart.

• once you get on a we-have-bad-luck-negative-nelly-train-to-hell, your prophecy will be fulfilled, over and over again.

• I held myself back tremendously.

• despite my “bad luck” and plummeting bank account, kindness and generosity poured into my life… so much so, that my eyes would wiggle inside my head because I couldn’t believe all of the human goodness I was experiencing.

Broke. But valued.  WHOA.

I finally got it. But only because I was paying attention.

So this year, I’ve got a new word. BRAVE.

In the past several weeks, I’ve come to realize that I have two brands of brave.

I-KNOW-I-CAN-BUT-PRETEND-I-CAN’T BRAVE Sometimes I KNOW I can do something, but for some reason, I shroud it with negative, “I can’t do that / no-way jose” self-talk, even though I know deep inside that it’ll be okay. It’s like I’m afraid of my own bravert, so I hide it behind negativity and pessimism. Good God.  Why in hell do I do that?  I need to stop it.

I’M-TOO-DAMN-SCARED-AND-I-WON’T BRAVE But then there are times when I am afraid of doing something because I’m afraid I might fail and/or somebody might laugh at me and/or people will judge me. So I don’t do it at all, and I come up with every excuse in the book to NOT do it.

I want to look at my life’s experiences in 2015 through the lens of BRAVE, and see what comes up. I want to recognize my patterns and bad habits and practice new ways of thinking about things. When I feel like a chicken, I want to let out a big slobbering can’t-breathe gasp, then do it anyway. And if I can’t do it in the moment, I want to understand why.

It’s a year long cumulative task in being a good brave courageous human.  And I’m ready!

We all have shiz we can work on… and I’m choosing to work on something that I know is holding me back. Except, it’s almost like it’s not work, because my brain is thinking all the time anyway. I’m just giving it a filter to think through.

I want to encourage you to choose ONE WORD that will act as your life experience filter.  A lens you can look through as you journey through 2015.  What’s holding you back?  What are you afraid of?  How are you sabotaging yourself?  What are you lacking?  CHOOSE THAT.

With Love… and BRAVERY, Stasia

Do these pants make my butt look BIG?

You know just as well as I do that this is a weighted question, and the thought of having to answer this question puts people into an anxiety induced temporary state of shock… their heart rate increases, their brow begins to sweat, they experience rapid and shallow breathing, nausea and lightheadedness. They may even become weak at the knees and need to sit down. (Alright maybe that's a little melodramatic but you get the point!)

Why? Because no simple YES or NO answer will do.

If one answers YES to this question, it can drop us to our knees with feelings of irreparable inadequacy and a huge plummet in self esteem.

If one answers NO, we immediately don’t trust our informant and assume they are only saying NO to protect us from the feelings of irreparable inadequacy that I mentioned above.

This is why what I’m about to share is going to ROCK YOUR WORLD!

My husband came up with a fool-proof, completely objective, blame-it-on-the-pants-not-your-butt method of answering this question, and it’s a marriage saver!

We use a rating system.

My husband knows full-well what my derriere looks like, so the system is based on what is already known to be true - the actual size of my tush.

The PANTS (or jeans, skirt, dress) can either…

1.  Make my butt look smaller than it actually is.
2. Make my butt look its actual size.
3. Make my butt look bigger than it actually is.

Do you see what’s happening here… all judgement is placed on the PANTS, and NOT on my butt!!

There are all kinds of contributors that affect what your butt looks like in a pair of pants. Things like… pocket size, pocket placement, rise, color, embellishments, inseam length, fading, etc. change the visual perspective, big time. So it makes sense to take the onus off your booty, and place it where it belongs, ON THE PANTS.

Here’s how the rating system is put into practice:

Rating of 1 (butt looks smaller than it is) - These 3 pairs of pants fit into the “butt looks smaller” category, and not gonna lie, that does NOT hurt my feelings.

Rating of 2 (butt looks it’s actual size) - If they fell good and I love everything about them, then I’m sold, because I’m okay with m'tush looking like m'tush because it is, after all, m'tush.

Rating of 3 (butt looks bigger than it is) - sorry, no pictures to show you, because I don’t buy pants that make my butt look bigger than my butt. My measurements are 30 - 30 - 40 so my butt is already stealing the show!

Do you see how brilliant this is?? There is no YES or NO required with 10,000 strings attached. There is simply a scale, based on factual, known, true, non-subjective data.

If you don’t believe in the success of this rating system, just listen to what my husband has to say:

“Honesty, integrity and dealing with conflict are some of my strengths. But answering “Yes, those jeans make your butt look big,” regardless of how honest this was, always seemed to bring unnecessary conflict. So in an effort to creatively resolve this conflict I’ve designed and patented (United States Patent #147329) this classic rating-system-response that works effortlessly. Stasia no longer dreads the response but actually solicits it as valuable information to help make purchases, decide what to wear to a party, etc. I encourage you to share this with your significant other. You’ll both be forever grateful!”

So go on, propose this new rating system to that special person in your life if you'd like an honest-to-goodness answer to the question, "Do these pants make my butt look big?".

xo Stasia

Caught In a Trap

I'm not proud to say it, but TWICE this week I didn't comb my hair, brush my teeth (until bed time), or wash my face. And nope, it's not because I was in an emotional funk. Or because I was sad or depressed or angry.

I got dressed in my favorite jeans and hot pink J.Crew sweater (yes, I wore the same thing two days in a row), but I STILL didn't have the energy or desire to pull my head (hair, teeth, face) together. This confused me. It was SO unlike me to wear a tried and true power outfit, and still not have the oomph to even brush my teeth!!

Since it's my job to figure out this kind of style-conundrum, I quickly treated this experience as a very highly classified investigative psychological case study. And here's what I came up with.

I was "CAUGHT IN A TRAP".

Because as it turns out, those favorite jeans, stripy button down shirt and hot pink cardi have turned into a... UNIFORM.

I mean look, I have FIVE HOT PINK CARDIGANS, and I wear them with the same ruffle-shirts and jeans, every-single-time!

It was an outfit I could put on without much thought, knowing it had proven itself to be a winner. I figured that if it made me feel good last year, then it would make me feel good this year too. To my surprise, quite the OPPOSITE happened.

I felt uncreative, boring, and flat.

Using my investigative analytical powers of deduction, I realized that the outfit had reached its expiry date! Big time. It became a default, has-been, closet-combo. The newness had worn off. The creativity and fire and spark - GONE.

SO HERE'S THE DEAL. I NEED TO MIX THINGS UP!

The daily uniform has to go.

I could go on a shopping spree and buy a new thrifted wardrobe for under $100, but I know that I've got good pieces to work with, so I just need to GET CREATIVE!

So here's what WE are going to do TOGETHER:

(NOTE - this is old, from when I had my Thrift Me Pretty blog, but the concept here is a good one!)

Yep, we're going to do a Thrift Me Pretty USE-WHAT-YOU-GOT 14-Day Style Challenge.

You see all those songs up there, we're going to use THOSE as our outfit inspiration each day. I figured since I was "caught in a trap" (Elvis Presley, Suspicious Minds, BEST SONG EVER) that a little lyrical inspiration was in order.

And I figure what's good for the goose is good for the gander... because I KNOW I'm not the only one feeling stuck.

Style challenges are not revolutionary... you've likely seen them floating around on social media. But, there’s a reason they’re popular. It’s because THEY WORK!

HOW A STYLE CHALLENGE WORKS:

1. Take a screen shot of this graphic and save it on your desktop or your phone for easy 14-day reference. 2. Use your very own interpretation of the daily lyrical style cue to inspire your outfit-of-the-day. Think era, artist, title, lyrics. Whatever moves you!
3. BE CREATIVE!! Wicked, wicked creative.

Feeling self conscious? Grab a co-worker and do it together.
Don’t like my song choices? Create our own play-list.
Worried you need MORE than a Style Challenge to find your groove? Sign up for Style School!

We do Style Challenges like this EVERY.SINGLE.DAY in Style School, and let me tell you, they are FUN when done in community!

LOVE, Stasia

5 EASY Steps to Hand Wash your DRY CLEAN ONLY sweaters

A few weeks ago I wrote a post on 2 Easy Tips for Transforming your Wardrobe from Summer to Fall… remember? I love taking my summer underlayers, and throwing on a sweater to warm me during the brisk early autumn mornings of September and October. Most of my sweaters have been sitting in my bottom drawer, or in a plastic bin in my basement since summer, so at the start of the fall season, I like to freshen up my woolie cardigan collection by giving them a nice hand wash and line dry. As I pulled out my collection of cardigans, I noticed a theme.

Yep, I have 5 hot pink cardigan sweaters (and three of those ruffled shirts and three of those exact jeans... but who's counting!).  I like what I like.

And double YEP. I HAND WASH and LINE DRY my very special, very delicate, quite expensive (if they were new… but of course mine are all thrifted) DRY CLEAN ONLY wool sweaters.

I don’t dry clean. And here’s why:

1.  It’s pricey. 2.  Believe it or not, we don’t even have a dry cleaner in my town anymore! And even when we did, something always got in the way of my drop off/pick up routine. I either couldn’t find parking, didn’t have a quarter for the meter, or more common… I forgot the item I wanted to have dry cleaned on the kitchen counter. 3.  And most importantly… IT’S GROSS. Here’s what Wikipedia says about Dry Cleaning:

"Dry cleaning is any cleaning process for clothing and textiles using a chemical solvent other than water. The solvent used is typically tetrachloroethylene(perchloroethylene), which the industry calls "perc" or "PERC". Hydrocarbon is also one of the upcoming solvents used for dry-cleaning as it is safe, less flammable and has less smell. It is used to clean delicate fabrics that cannot withstand the rough and tumble of a washing machine and clothes dryer; it can also eliminate labor-intensive hand washing."

TETRA-what?? Solvents? The article uses the word “hazardous waste” and “carcinogenic” more times than I care to count. And really… “labor-intensive hand washing”? In other words… we dry clean wool sweaters using a toxic soup of solvents that pollute our bodies, our air and our water because hand-washing is too “labor-intensive”?

Bah.

For most of my life, I avoided any and all garments with a DRY CLEAN ONLY tag. I didn’t want to deal with the hassle, the cost, or the chemicals! But then I went thrifting, and found the most lovely J.Crew cashmere sweater for only $4, I decided to take a $4 risk and wash the dry-clean-only sweater in my kitchen sink. And I am sooo glad I did!!

My technique has improved since the olden days, when my sweaters would come out clean and smelling fresh, BUT a little bit misshapen and a big bit droopy. Since then, I’ve improved my technique and now implement a special move I like to call THE ROLL + SQUEEZE.

Check it.

Here are my 5 easy handwashing steps:

1. Fill a sink or basin with cool water and Woolite* (follow product directions for correct dosage) and submerge into the water. Let your sweater soak for 5 minutes. Don’t be alarmed if the sweater “bleeds” into the water. Totally normal. (*To be honest, I NEVER use Woolite. Instead I end up using a gentle detergent I already have kicking around, like my son’s baby shampoo. Works like a charm.)

2. Swoosh your sweater around in the sudsy water, drain, refill with cool water, swoosh some more, drain and refill - and so on - until the sweater is suds-free.

3.  Squeeze water from the sweater, starting at the top and working your way down - DO NOT WRING!

4.  Place a thick, clean, dry towel on a flat surface, lay your sweater on the towel, then roll your sweater up into the towel while performing a squeezing-like motion as you roll, thereby removing any excess water trapped in the fibers.  This, my friends, is THE ROLL + SQUEEZE, and is the most important step of the entire process!  The sweater should feel almost dry after THE ROLL AND SQUEEZE.  If your sweater is heavy and wet when you hang it on the clothes drying rack or lay it on a flat surface to dry (Step 5), one of two things will happen: It will either get droopy from the extra water weight, or it will take days to dry and will get stinky.  Both - no good.

5.  Place the sweater on a drying rack or lay it on a flat sunny surface to dry, being careful to maintain the sweater’s natural shape.  Do not stretch and pull and yank.  Your sweater will look funny if you do, and you’ll need to start over.

Voila!  Clean fresh smelling sweater that looks like new!  No tetrachloroethylene.  No additional cost to you.  No pick-up/drop-off routine to worry about!  And really... the entire process took only minutes! Labor intensive???  I think not.

So, for all you eco-conscious, woolie loving gals out there, share this post with a friend and help keep the tetrablahblahblah out of our bodies, soil and waterways!

Lots of Eco-Love, Stasia

PS.  I hand wash all of my DRY CLEAN ONLY dresses too. And pants. And shirts. And couch cushions. And I've never ruined anything.  I haven't tried hand washing something like leather though, so try that at your own risk.  In fact, this is a total try-at-your-own-risk tutorial.  Since I thrift, my financial risk is never greater than $5.  Your risk may be more substantial.

2 Easy Tips for Transitioning Your Wardrobe from Summer to Fall

When I talk about transitioning my wardrobe from summer to fall, I DON'T mean packing up my summer threads and hauling out totes full of cool weather wear for the autumnal days to come. No way. Instead, I swap out my necklaces for scarves and my sandals for boots.  And then, I layer. My seasonal transition is done primarily through the changing of accessories and the addition of layers. I have a very limited wardrobe, and I intend to keep it that way. I don't have a line of summer dresses, fall dresses, winter dresses and spring dresses. Nope. I have dresses. And I transition them from season to season to season to season with an accessory switch and a layer. Here's why:

1. It's WAY more economical to have a handful of base pieces that you can transition through the seasons, than a whole lotta seasonal pieces that need to be packed and unpacked every couple of months.

2. I don't like a lot of "stuff".  Stuff clogs my brain.

3. I don't have time in my busy mama-life to haul out my summer for my fall for my winter for my spring.

4. Clothing goes in and out of favor very quickly (trends, weight gain, weight loss) so I like to wear a piece until it's thread bare, then replace it with something fresh and new (to me) without any I-only-wore-it-three-times guilt.

So today I'm going to show you how I transitioned one very versatile $5 American Eagle Goodwill dress through three seasons with a few accessory changes and the addition of layers.

LOOK 1

Late Spring/Summer - First of all, I LOVE this dress! One, I didn't need to get it altered, which is something I usually need to do with dresses because of my triangle shape. And two, the lacy upper bodice of the dress makes my shoulders look wider than they actually are, making me look proportionally balanced from head to toe.  Oh magic.  I love you. I paired the dress with a vintage necklace and a pair of gold sandals and voila - instant spring/summer cuteness.

LOOK 2

Late Summer - To transition the dress to late summer, I added a light weight cardigan sweater and swapped out the sandals for a pair of Timberland brown ankle boots.  I usually stay away from ankle boots because they tend to make my legs look short, but because the dress is high waisted and the bottom hem is a few inches above the knee (showing lots of skin), my legs look proportional to my body. Yay - because I LOVE the look of ankle boots!

LOOK 3

Early Fall - This picture was overexposed so I did some fancy color editing to make it look badass.  Which is good, because I felt a little badass when I paired the lace smock with a denim jacket, my Miz Mooz dark brown leather boots and a leather wrist cuff.  If it were chilly, I'd throw on a cream colored scarf and button the jacket. (Note - If you don't have a denim jacket - GET ONE. They are the ultimate layering piece and are chock full of sass!)

LOOK 4

Late Fall - I swapped out the dark brown boots for a borrowed pair of vintage Frye boots (my dream boots, by the way, that I'm patiently waiting to find second hand) and a newly thrifted GAP velour blazer.  Then, I layered on a metallic scarf for additional volume, sass and warmth.

So there it is. One dress, a few layers, and a handful of accessories. Taking me through the seasons!

Next time you head out clothes shopping, ask yourself this...

"Will this piece transition me through the seasons with an accessory change and the addition of layers?"

If not, give it a second thought. Work to create simplicity in your wardrobe.

And keep in mind, ACCESSORIES STAND THE TEST OF TIME! Invest in them, because you'll likely have them for ages. I keep my boots, shoes, scarves, necklaces, jackets and handbags in circulation far longer than my t-shirts, jeans and dresses.  And remember that post I wrote a few weeks ago about Discovering Your Power Accessory??  Yea, they are THAT important.

Over the last few weeks I've provided you with lots of fashion fodder, and I know you're thinking about it, because I'm hearing you talk about it.  Through comments, messages, emails, and my favorite... when you stop me on the street and say "GUESS WHAT - I figured out my Power Accessory!".

But I know some of you are feeling overwhelmed. You love the information. But you're unsure how to put it to practice.

Do you need help discovering your Power Accessory? Are you confused as to which necklace length is right for you? Do you want a hand creating "transition" outfits using the things you already own? Are you craving Inside-Out Congruency, but don't know where to start?

Yea, Well then I'm YOUR gal! 

We cover all this stuff in Style School, and you’ll have a chance to practice practice practice with a sisterhood of women who are doing the same work! It’s not just inspiring, but wicked fun too!

To your Beauty + Vibrancy!

xo Stasia

Discovering your POWER Accessory

What do...Kate Middleton’s fascinators; Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth; Abraham Lincoln’s top hat; Audrey Hepburn’s red lipstick; Mr. T’s gold chains; and Batman’s utility belt...all have in common?

Each fancy-pants person on this list (either real or fictional) has a Power Accessory. Their Power Accessories are so iconic in fact, that I don’t even need to show you a picture. Your mind’s eye already did that for you.

Would Mr. T "Pity the Fool" without all of his gold chains?  I doubt it.

POWER ACCESSORY: an item that can be added to your daily ensemble in order to make you feel more confident, put together, and self assured (aka - super powered).

You'll never believe me when I tell you that I coined and defined the term myself!! Go ahead. Google it. There’s nothing! (I have to say, as a budding stylist that’s trying to make her mark, this TOTALLY makes me feel legit.)

I'm sure you've heard of statement accessories. They are marketed toward women so they can feel less ordinary and mundane and more unique and interesting. All good. But I’m taking it a step further. Your Power Accessory doesn’t need to be a statement accessory… it could be as innocuous as a fancy bra, or as bold as a top hat. To qualify as a Power Accessory - it needs to give YOU power, and it has to suit your soul (not anybody else's). Trend and popularity and coolness need not apply.

Let me tell you about the time I discovered that I had a Power Accessory.

Once upon a time, I went to Walmart.  As soon as I walked through the doors, people started making eye contact with me - smiling at me - nodding at me. I even got a few winks! As I made my way through the aisles, I could not believe how much attention I was getting. In my experience, Walmart shoppers and staff do not rank high in the super-friendly department (except for the Walmart Greeter). I honestly wondered if people were mistaking me for somebody famous. I cashed out. Walked to my car. And sat in the driver’s seat in wonder. I looked in the mirror to see if I had kale in my teeth or a hummingbird in my hair - but nothing. Except, I WAS wearing this hot-pink, big-bead necklace I had recently picked up at the Salvation Army for 99 cents. Something I had never worn before. Hmmm I wondered. Could it be the necklace??

Having a background in science, I immediately decided to conduct a mini-experiment.

So I took the necklace off, and walked right back into the store. Except this time, nobody looked at me. Nobody made eye contact. Nobody stared. I was invisible. I walked around and around, and nothing. I left the store in total amazement.

I exuded something powerful in that hot pink 99-cent necklace. People noticed me. But why?

The necklace fit my features, suited my coloring, and was a perfect reflection of my character and personality (what I refer to as Inside-Out Congruency). And, it was thrifted, so I could wear it in good conscious, knowing it was representative of my values. But what else...

Magic.  That's all I can think of.  Pure INSIDE-OUT magic.

When I got back in the car, I put on my 99-cent POWER BEADS, and drove home reveling in my new magic, and it totally changed my life.

I know I know. I sound like a total cheeseball. But listen…

I discovered that I had a Power Accessory!! And that’s a BIG DEAL.

So now when I shop, I ALWAYS look for Power Beads. Not any necklace will do. If it doesn't make me feel mighty when I first put it on, then it's just a plain ole ordinary necklace.

When I need to buck up. Feel good. Be confident. Get people’s attention. I put on my Power Beads. When I’m feeling washed out. Defeated. Worn down. Exhausted. I put on my Power Beads. When I just want to feel good (like… everyday). I put on my Power Beads.

First Date. Job Interview. Childbirth. Meeting with the commissioner. Parenting (!!!). Anniversary. Doctor’s appointment. 10 loads of laundry. DMV. Wearing a bikini. Cooking breakfast with two kids yanking at your shirt tail, in 90 degree heat, while your eggs are burning, and they are late for school.

Basically. Life. There are always at least 15 times a day when I need to tap into my superpowers. That’s why I wear a Power Accessory EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Heck, I even wear my Power Accessories when I’m giving birth and catching frogs!

Do you have a Power Accessory? You may have one, but have never realized it. You might even have one, but are saving it “for best” (if this is true - STOP IT - now is the best time!!).

If you HAVE NOT discovered your Power Accessory yet, here is your homework:

1. Take an accessory inventory - socks, bras, purses, necklaces, earrings, bracelets, rings, hair bows, hats, barrettes, shoes, scarves, bow ties, lipstick, etc. Remember, it doesn't need to be a trendy statement accessory. Go outside the box here! 2. Take a good hard look at all of your accessories, try them on, take note of how you FEEL in them. If something makes you feel like a ROCK STAR, then that's probably your power accessory. And you should be wearing it, or a variation of it, ALL THE TIME.

Don't be suprised if you come up with more than one. Though my Power Beads are my #1 Power Accessory, I would say scarves rank a close second.  I also have a great Gorin Bros. hat that I just love, and a leather cuff that makes me feel wicked cool.

Now that I've marveled you with my excellent stylist prowess, tell me all about YOUR best Power Accessory! If you haven't figured it out yet, don't fret. Give it some time, THEN please please please come back and tell me all about it! If you're on Instagram or Facebook, take a picture and TAG ME!

To your Super Power!!

xo Stasia

My Perfect Imperfection

Early this spring, local Vermont photographer, Liz Lavorgna of Core Photo, asked if I'd like to be a part of a photography and spoken word project she's working on called Perfect Imperfection. As she described the project, I knew immediately that this was something I needed to participate in. And I knew exactly what my Perfect Imperfection was going to be.

30 x 29 x 39

Those are my measurements.

My perfect IMPERFECTION.

In high school I was skinny. People would bump into me and say OUCH, I JUST GOT A PAPER CUT. My nickname was STICK. I was fit, strong and I ate a ton. I would drink high calorie weight gain drinks and pound the ice cream, but could never gain a pound. At almost 5'7'' I hovered around 100 pounds.

In my late teens, my hips, butt and thighs settled onto my body, and in my early 20's, I started to get CELLULITE. I had gained some weight (which was very good!), and was up to about 120 pounds, and I swear every pound I gained was fat. I was going to the gym 6 or 7 days a week, mixing my cardio with weight training, and still couldn't shake the dimples. My trainer's explanation was simple: It's in the genes. I stopped wearing bathing suits. I transitioned into board shorts. I was thin and strong everywhere else, so I could hide my “imperfection”.

My hips continued to grow throughout my 20's and early 30's, and the cellulite started migrating down my thighs. It was like I had two different bodies. From the waist up I was skinny (like, count my ribs skinny). From the waist down I had visible cellulite, even though my pant size was probably a size 4/6.

It was odd. I was Skinny-Fat.

And it was hard to be skinny-fat. When people looked at me, they would assume I was thin (and without fat). And the thing is, I was thin. But fatty.

Expectations and assumptions were always crushed. I could see it in people's faces when I went to the beach, or wore short shorts.

I just read a great article in the online magazine, Everyday Feminism, called "Let's Talk About Thin Privilege". The premise of the article is that YES, it can hurt your feelings to be picked on and made fun of because of your thin-ness. However, suffering from a grievance is far different than systematic oppression. Name calling sucks. But being at the sh*t-end of a societal shame-stick is way worse. Once the sting of name calling wears off, you're ok. But oppression follows you, wherever you go.

I've dealt with both. The skinny comments fall into the grievance category. No real stigma attached to that. Feelings get hurt, but I get over it. However, having cellulite certainly fits into the societal shame category. And being teased about it penetrates to the core.

HOW TO FIGHT CELLULITE headlines blast magazines. There are quick fixes, special creams and outrageous diets. There is name calling. Tabloids denigrate movie stars at the slightest hint of a pucker or dimple.

So yea, I'm talking about it. Being skinny-fat has been hard.

My PERFECT Imperfection.

Things started to change, slowly at first, with the birth of my first child. MY BODY GREW A HUMAN!! I knew bodies grew humans, but I didn't get how unbelievable it was until I did it myself. And then, MY BODY BIRTHED THIS HUMAN!! Naturally. And I thought it was AWESOME. I developed a special admiration for my body after that.

For years I held this quiet admiration, though I still struggled with body image and skinny-girl expectations. And for the life of me, I couldn't find jeans that fit both my butt and my waist, or shirts that didn't have baggy darts.

Then in 2013 my son was born. He weighed in at 10 pounds 11 ounces, and I birthed him naturally. [APPLAUSE] As it turns out, my hips - these hips I had cursed for many years - were just the right size for me to deliver my beautiful whopping son. Moments after the nurses weighed him I declared - I will NEVER EVER curse my hips again. They are mighty. They are powerful. They are PERFECT!!

They are my PERFECT IMPERFECTION.

Even on days when I'm feeling particularly sensitive about my body (always on beach days), I have the wonderful gift of motherhood to remind me of how incredible my body really is.

And over the years, I've learned how to dress my shape so I feel balanced, despite my measurements.

Plus, the last thing I want to do is shame my perfectly imperfect body in front of my kids. My daughter was born with a number of physical differences… so what the heck kind of role model/mother would I be if I condemned my “imperfections” in front of her???

Because I think SHE'S perfect.  (Wouldn't you agree?)

How about you? If someone asked you to choose YOUR PERFECT IMPERFECTION, what would you say? And how long has it taken you to go from seeing it as a perfect IMPERFECTION to a PERFECT imperfection? It doesn't need to be about body image. The options, as we are human, are endless. I encourage you to think on this one if something doesn't pop right into your mind. Even write about it. Unpacking these stories is freeing, and is where true healing begins.

To grace, power and beauty.

xo Stasia

Easy DIY Sugar Wax

I remember that first time I had my legs waxed... I was pregnant with my daughter, Raisa, and we lived in an apartment with a very tiny stand-up shower, so bending over to shave my legs was totally out of the question. It was winter. I was hairy. When my friend Julie (who's an esthetician) offered to wax my legs, I jumped at the opportunity!  Oh, THIS IS AWESOME I thought. But, after the first strip was pulled off my leg, I thought I was going to pass out.  I remember thinking, if I can't handle a simple leg waxing, how in the world will I ever be able to deliver this baby! Well, I delivered my baby a short time later, and realized that leg waxing didn't hurt that bad after all  ;)  Plus, my legs stayed hair free for WEEKS, and when the hair did start to grow back, it was soft, thinner, and not even a little bit stubbly. And itch free - which was HUGE for me, because my legs used to itch like crazy after I shaved them.

I was a convert.

But, going to a salon to have that done every few weeks wasn't in the budget for me, so I started buying jars of over-the-counter sugar wax like this one HERE.  I did this for a couple of years before deciding I could probably make the stuff myself for much less money, and without the hassle of ordering it online. Boy, was I right. 

And today, I'm sharing my recipe with you!!

SUGAR WAX RECIPE

2 cups sugar
1/4 cup lemon juice (freshly squeezed or from a bottle)
1/4 cup water
Candy Thermometer

1. Put sugar, lemon juice and water into a saucepan. 2. Set heat on low until sugar is fully dissolved in the lemon juice/water mixture. 3. Raise heat - but do not walk away from stove, even for a second. 4. As the mixture begins to turn a golden brown, turn down the heat, and place a candy thermometer into the mixture. At this point, the mixture will start to bubble/foam, so seeing the color is tricky. This is why the thermometer is essential! 5. When the wax begins to turn brown - or when the thermometer hits 260 degrees - take mixture off heat. 6. Pour immediately into a heat-tempered glass jar.

NOTE:  If you cook it too long, it will harden into a piece of candy-brittle; if you don't cook it long enough, it'll never get gooey enough to be efficiently sticky.  Ten seconds on either side of perfection can make a big difference.  If you use a candy thermometer, and take it off at 260 degrees, you'll nail it every single time.

Here are a few pics to help you along:

So now that you know how to make your own Sugar Wax, I'll show you how to make your own reusable wax strips! It's simple. I used one of my son’s woven the-buttons-don't-work outfits, and cut it into (8) 1" x 3" [for pits and bikini area] and (10) 2" x 6" [for legs] strips.  See here:

IT'S TIME TO WAX!!

Before you begin, make sure your leg (or whatever it is you are waxing) is clean, dry, and oil-free. If you're feeling all icky-sticky, take a shower and dry off really well. You'll also want to prep the wax. If you just made it, wait a bit for it to cool so you can apply to your skin without burning yourself. If it's been sitting in the cupboard (it stores for months), you'll need to heat it in the microwave for about 30 seconds to soften if up. It's ready when it's pliable - not too thin/too hot and not too thick/too cool.

1. Start with hair that is 1/4" long (between waxings, around 3 weeks). This is a must because the hair needs something to stick to. If it's way longer than that, trim it to 1/4" with a set of clippers.

2. Using a popsicle stick applicator, apply the sugar wax in a thin layer, following the direction of hair growth.

3. Immediately press wax strip over the sugar wax - giving it a good rub so it sticks.

4. To remove the strip, rip in the opposite direction of hair growth. And when I say rip, I mean RIP. Fast. If you go slowly, it won't work, and it'll hurt like the dickens.

Here are some photos to help you along:

The first time you wax, it'll hurt. I'm not gonna lie. Especially because your hair will be at its thickest. But over time your hair will actually thin out and become less coarse. Think about it... every time you pull a hair out by its root, you're actually damaging the hair follicle! My legs are far less hairy (thinner and more fine) now than they were 8 years ago!!

Well there you have it!

What d’ya think? Wanna try it?!

If you've got further questions, ask me. I've focused this post on leg waxing, but you can wax your pits and bikini area too (I do!). If you're interested in any tips and tricks for these girl-parts, let me know!

Here's to hair FREE, razor FREE & stubble FREE living!

xo Stasia

Falling Down + Finding Balance

Sometimes, I feel like I'm spinning. I LOSE MY BALANCE. I fall down.

And last week, I fell down.

When I step back and look at the big picture, I can see that this crash wasn't due to a bad day or a particularly stressful week. (And certainly not because I had a I've-Got-Nothing-to-Wear day!) It was much more insidious than that. Something that's been slowly brewing over the last couple of years. Sort of like the frog boiling to death in a pot of water before he even realizes YOWZERS - this water is getting HOT!

This post isn't going to be about style or fashion or thrifting or beauty - well at least not beauty in its traditional sense. Sometimes, like this week, my life is too BIG and doesn't allow much space for creativity or pretty things. Sometimes, it's just plain ole ordinary life. And it's hard.

Let me give you a little back-story.

My daughter, Raisa, was born with "special needs". The first three to four years of her life were filled with doctors, therapists, specialists, nurses, sleep studies, swallow studies, blood draws and surgeries. She seldom had less than 4 appointments a week. Many of which were at Children's Hospital Boston, a good 2.5 hour drive from our home.

I devoted my entire life to her wellness. I did nothing - NOTHING - but care for her. I stretched her tight muscles. I massaged her camptodactylic fingers. I packed her surgical wounds. I restrained her for blood draws and nightly nasal rinses. And I cried. I cried a lot. Like when she was five years old and we had to get her fitted for her new C-PAP machine mask and she said, with tears streaming from her eyes, WHY ME MAMA, WHY ME? She told me she didn't want to wear the mask because it was "a barrier to love". Our bedtime routine for years ended with snuggles and stories and lips kisses. And now, it wasn't going to end with lips kisses anymore, but with me putting on her big clunky uncomfortable mask. She couldn't understand why, no matter how many times I explained (and it's still a battle, to this day.)

I always did my best to fill her with so much love that she wouldn't have room in her soul for anything else. And I did a good job. And mostly it worked. Even her doctors marveled at how well she and I handled the toughest most dreadful situations. Me and Raisa… we stuck together like peanut butter and honey, and everybody knew it.

And then things changed.  Shortly before her 6th birthday, Baby Z was born.  My life no longer revolved solely around her, and she struggled. She REALLY REALLY struggled.

And then a year later, around January 2014, I started Thrift Me Pretty. It had been an idea in my head for quite some time and on a whim, I decided to go for it. I needed to. I needed to do something for me. So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and jumped in with both feet.

It didn't take long for me to realize that starting a business is no joke. Especially when you don't know the first thing about running a service based business on a social media platform. It. Takes. Time.

And courage. And guts. And stamina. And persistence. And vulnerability. And many many many late nights.

All of which leave me feeling kind of empty. Exhausted. And perpetually behind.

And slowly, over time, Raisa turned into a pest.

She was craving my attention. Needing mama's love. Desperately trying to bring things back to the way they were "before". But I didn't see any of that. I only saw a pest.

Until Friday, when I was nursing Baby Z and she looked at me and said with an empty voice and hollow eyes… Mama, I don't think you love me anymore. Not like you used to. I lost my breath. She turned, head hanging low and walked away… feeling completely and totally dejected.

In that moment, my world fell apart. Was I turning into a Cats In the Cradle parent? Did I put my business above my relationship with my daughter?

Clarity happened. Instantly.

Have you ever tried so desperately to be seen or heard by someone, that you found yourself acting out of character just so you would be noticed? I've done it before. And when I'm in it, I can't see what's happening. But when I step away, it becomes clear. And I say… eewww, that was ugly.

Desperation is NEVER pretty.

Raisa is not a pest. She's desperately tying to get my attention in any way she knows how. The more "pesty" she became, the more I demanded she pull it together - in time out. Alone.

I collapsed. I cried. I wallowed in mama-guilt. But I then realized that this thing that happened makes perfect sense. I was tired. I was tired of being SUPER MOM. Parenting a special needs kid takes an insane amount of strength. Because you're not just a parent. You're an advocate, whether it suits your personality or not. You become a medical expert, reading journal articles and forcing surgeons to draw you diagrams so you can understand EVERYTHING that's going in your sweet baby's body. You hold your shit together when really… all you want to do is fall apart. You put your entire life aside and devote every ounce of your soul to your child.

But it's not sustainable.

I went from one extreme to the other. And now, I need to find BALANCE.

Since Friday, I've been thinking about ways I can create a new kind of balance in my life. And this is what I came up with...

1. PUT DOWN MY DAMN I-PHONE. I don't know about you, but I'm addicted to my phone. Every time I publish a picture on my Instagram feed, send out a newsletter, write a blog post or post to my Thrift Me Pretty Facebook page, I check my phone every 30 seconds to see how things are being received. I'm consumed. And in those moments, I'm reeling with self-criticism and judgment. Oh no, people aren't opening the newsletter. Eek - it's been 3 minutes and nobody has liked my picture yet. And so on and so forth. I need to break this addiction to external validation, and just post what feels good to me (like this post). End of story.

2. GO ON MORE DATES/TAKE MORE BREAKS. With myself. With my husband. With my kids. With my friends. I need to have more dance parties in the kitchen. I need to jump in the sprinkler more.

3. TAKE A DEEP BREATH. This is a big one for me. Don't react. Breathe.

4. GET ENOUGH SLEEP. This is another big one for me. I always feel like I have MORE MORE MORE to do, so I stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning every night working on the biz. I can't do it anymore because when I'm a crazy cranky mess, it affects the whole family. I'm a stay-at-home mom with two kids home on summer vacation and I can't get as much done as the entrepreneur who's got no kids. End of Story.

5. PRIORITIZE. I stink at this, because I happen to think that everything ranks in the #1 priority spot. A friend of mine broke it down for me the other night. I was telling her about all the stuff I needed to get done and she said, "Mama, take that shit right off your to-do list right now because it's not a priority." And she was right. I need to prioritize, and spend what precious time I have working on my priorities.

Oh I could go on and on, but if I give myself too many action steps, I won't do any of them, so I'll start with these five.

In just a moment, I'm going to press SEND and this will whoosh into your inbox. And I solemnly swear I will not stay on my phone for the next 5 hours monitoring the open rate. I'm going to bed! Tips 1 and 4 going into immediate practice!!

To Beauty + Balance!

xo Stasia

Dresses, Damselflies + Details

Since forever I've believed that maxi dresses were not for me. I have a triangle shape, and every single maxi I've tried on has overemphasized my hips in contrast to my narrow torso/shoulders, leaving me feeling unbalanced and self conscious.  I'd try on a dress, but before the hem could even fall to the floor, I'd whip that baby off because I knew it wasn't going to be pretty.  After trying dozens of maxis, and having none of them work, I decided NO MORE!

The words NO MAXI DRESS - EVER were air-scrawled into my virtual Wardrobe Manifesto.

And then...

When I was in Salt Lake City for Alt Summit back in June, I went to a local thrift shop to do some peeking around. And there, jammed into a circular rack among dozens of other second-hand dresses, was one of the most beautiful maxi dresses I had ever seen. I loved everything about it, and since it was a brand sold at Anthropologie, I knew that at $6, it would be a helluva deal. I decided to try it on, with the absolute lowest of expectations and broke my own NO MAXI DRESS EVER rule.

To my shock and dismay, as soon as I slipped the dress over my head, I was in love. I let it fall all the way to the fitting room floor with a valiant WHOOSH + SWOOP. It fit. It flattered. And I was amazed.

So, WHY DID THIS MAXI DRESS WORK FOR ME when dozens of others have failed? Let's break it down.

• The halter-top/deep plunge combo created an illusory affect of my upper body, making my shoulders look broader than they actually are, and BONUS - making me look like I have a little bit of cleavage!

• The navy detailing around the bodice of the dress adds additional visual interest and draws the eye upward.

• The wide ruffle at the bottom of the dress adds movement and volume, adding to the overall visual interest and balance of the dress.

• The dress is made of 100% silk, and drapes effortlessly over my woman-curves.

I'm so glad I tried on this dress, even though I had written maxis out of my life forever. It just goes to show, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to style. Because it's all about the detail.

Like bluets. These wispy little damselflies may all look alike, but there are literally dozens of species out there on our lakes and ponds that to the untrained eye, look exactly the same.  I studied them in college, and was fascinated to see that the slightest variation in morphology meant a totally different species of insect.

Maxi dresses are no different. They may all look the same at first glance, but when you sit back and study the detail, you'll see that subtle variation in design can make the difference between what does and does not work with your body and your overall style.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:  Try to figure out why something does or doesn't work. Analyze. Observe. Study. NEVER make a broad statement like, I CAN'T WEAR MAXI DRESSES.  Because it's likely you just haven't found the right one, or figured out the right way to wear it.  Pay attention to the detail, and keep on trying!

Do you have a NO-NO in YOUR Wardrobe Manifesto? What is it, and tell me why.  I've got some experience with this stuff, and I just might be able to help you!

To your VIBRANCY!

xo  Stasia