The ONE QUESTION That Will Change the Way You Think.

This morning, I had a thought. A revelYOUtionary thought. A thought that I think is going to change the way I respond to the dreaded "WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK" voice that yammers on inside my head.

Now that I've got 19 sessions of Style School under my belt, I've got a pretty good handle on the 'ole "what will people think" thought that plagues so many of us.

Wait.

Who am I kidding.

Now that I've got 19 sessions of Style School under my belt, I've got a pretty good handle on the "what will people think" thought that every single one of us thinks from time to time if we're living a BRAVE BOLD BEAUTIFUL life.

Why?

Because with guts comes vulnerability.

If you step outside your comfort zone - if you dare, if you try, if you leap - you will feel vulnerable.

And if you feel vulnerable, you are likely going to wonder "what will people think".

I've been wearing the SAME PAIR OF DENIM SHORTS for just about the whole summer, and every time I slip them on, I feel like I'm breaking some sort of unwritten rule that says I cannot wear the same thing day after day after day.

I sometimes wonder what people might think... and OF COURSE my assumptions are always AGAINST ME.

Who does she think she is?
She thinks she looks great, but she doesn't.
My goodness, why doesn't she ever change her clothes!

After letting those thoughts run rampant in my mind, I'm sometimes tempted to ditch my cut-offs for something I don't want to wear, because I'm afraid of what people might think.

I know. Nonsense.

My usual OVERRIDE to the "what will people think" inquiry is "what other people think of me is none of my damn business".

It's good. I've used it for years. It's gotten me outta many'a sticky moment.

But this morning, I imagined taking that whole inner-inquiry INTO A DIFFERENT DIRECTION.

Instead of disrupting the "what will people think" thought with "what other people think of me is none of my damn business", I imagined thinking: WHAT WOULD I - STASIA SAVASUK - THINK.

Huh.

So I imagined asking myself WHAT WOULD I THINK, if I saw a woman wearing the same cut-off shorts day after day.

I'd think... DAY-UM, this woman knows what's going on! She's found something that she loves, that makes her feel HELLA GOOD, that she's not willing to give up for any consumer-driven "rules" that say we gotta have at least THIS many pairs of shorts to be worthy of beauty, love, friendship, intimacy, respect, kindness. She's valuing herself over capitalism, and I think that's pretty damn awesome. She's IN her body. Connected to her body. Feeling good in her body. I'm here for it.

Talk about SOVEREIGNTY!

It's me, giving myself a pep-talk. A permission slip. A pat on the back for being the person I want to be.

Let's practice.

EXAMPLE 1.

What will people think if I wear a minidress, even though I'm 45?

Ugh. Wrong question. Cue every worst case scenario you can imagine.

What would I think if I saw a 45 year old woman wearing a minidress?

I'd think... she is a revelYOUtionary woman! I'd admire the way she embraces her body and the way she doesn't pay attention to any of rules that say you can't do this or that after a certain age. I'd notice how she stands, with her eyes forward, and her shoulders back, feet planted on the ground, in complete ownership of her body. I'd think to myself, I love how she's not afraid to show a little leg! No hiding. No diminishing. No shame. Just a woman, living in her body. How BEAUTIFUL is that.

EXAMPLE 2.

What will people think if they see me wearing a bikini, even though I have cellulite?

Ugh. This question will take you to hell and back. Don't do it.

What would I think if I saw a woman wearing a bikini, not hiding her cellulite, and just living and loving in her today body?

I'd think... LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! She knows she's got just ONE BODY, and she's not going to waste one minute of it feeling ashamed of her body. Why should she! She's got an incredible body that does incredible body things. I'd notice her smile, her laughter, her ease. I'd see that her BEAUTY has nothing to do with the size of her body, or the smoothness of her thighs. I'd see that her BEAUTY has everything to do with how she EMBODIES her incredible human body. And in that moment, I'd feel the FREEDOM to do the exact same thing.

EXAMPLE 3.

What will people think if they see me wearing a fancy dress, on a Tuesday, during a global pandemic?

GAHHH. Only ask this question if you want to feel like you're in 8th grade again.

What would I think if I saw a woman wearing a dress on a regular ole Tuesday during a global pandemic?

I'd think... now THERE is a woman who is willing to buck the stay-at-home norm of not giving a damn, and dress how she wants to FEEL. She's not waiting for permission. Or a reason. Or an excuse to "feel good". She knows her worth. She knows that life is worth celebrating, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard. Putting in this kind of effort when the world feels like it's going to hell in hand basket takes a special kind of SAUCE, and she's got it. In fact, her SAUCE makes me want to access my own SAUCE.

Now... I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, I wouldn't be as nice as you, Stasia, because truth is, I kinda think she shouldn't be wearing a minidress at her age. And I definitely think she should wear a cover-up because LORDY nobody needs to see that kind of cellulite. And let's face it, she totally thinks she's ALL THAT, wearing a dress on a regular old Tuesday, during a global pandemic.

I get it. I used to think those thoughts too. And do you know what I've learned? That those thoughts were not born inside of me. They were PLANTED INSIDE OF ME, starting at a very young age, from my mother, who was always very critical of herself AND other women.

My criticism of other women's bodies had NOTHING to do with other women's bodies, and EVERYTHING to do with my own pain, my own hurt, my own shame, my own training. All of which was passed down to me from my mother, who projected her own pain and hurt and shame and training onto me.

This isn't something to be ashamed of. IT'S SOMETHING TO HEAL FROM.

Nowadays, whenever a thought like that sneaks into my consciousness, I know that it's a blinking red light that's saying... THIS🚨IS🚨YOUR🚨WORK.

In other words, go ahead and ask yourself WHAT WOULD I THINK, and be honest with your answer. No matter what thought you think, it is an opportunity for growth and healing.

You'll either see that you are WAY NICER TO YOUR GAL-PALS THAN YOU ARE TO YOUR OWN DAMN SELF (holy wake-up call), or you'll see that you've got an opportunity to STOP GENERATIONAL SHAME in its tracks.

Not gonna lie. This is hard work.

But I'll tell you what... it is the WORTHIEST WORK I HAVE EVER DONE.

Ever.

When you are filled with tension and restlessness and criticism and judgment, you are GRIPPED. And I'll tell you what, I was GRIPPED for a long-ass time.

That is not where JOY and BRAVERY and LOVE and TENDERNESS live.

I believe you are worthy of all those things.
I believe it's possible for you to be your own cheerleader.
I believe that right now, the world needs more joy-filled, brave, loving, tenderhearted women.

No more "what will people think".

Only, WHAT WOULD I THINK? Said with conviction. Like the champion of women that you are.

Love, Stasia

PS. Registration for the NEXT SESSION OF STYLE SCHOOL opens on Friday, August 28th. This here is the work of Style School. YES, we talk about the clothes. We explore balance and proportion and color and jewelry and Inside Out Congruency. But we ALSO unpack generational shame, call out the lies we've been told and taught by people and institutions we "trust", and start renaming-reframing-unshaming the conversations we have with, and about, our incredible human bodies.