She body-shamed me, and I'm grateful.

If you've followed me on social media for a while, then you’ve probably heard the story of the woman who body shamed me at my local thrift store. It was an incredibly powerful moment that yielded tremendous gifts.

And here's why. I've spent the better part of the last 5 years redefining BEAUTY inside my brain because I'm DONE hating my body. Never once has hating my body served me. I've never looked into the mirror and said to myself, "Ugh, my legs are so disgusting", and then immediately felt empowered and inspired to do something really brave.

When I was 20 I hated my legs.

When I was 30 I hated my legs, but longed for my 20 year old legs.

When I was 35 I hated my legs, but longed for my 30 year old legs.

And then somewhere around 40, I realized that the system was rigged. And that is when my life changed.

We've been trained to hate our bodies - to think they're disgusting - to curse our dents and our dimples. We've been duped into believing that our bodies are the problem, when in fact it's the demoralizing system that profits from our body-hating mindset that's the REAL problem.

I've worked hard over the past five years to rename/reframe/unshame the conversations I have with and about my body. I knew I had done a lot of healing from the shame-messaging that bombards us on the daily, but I wasn't exactly sure where I was on this body-love journey.

In other words, I wasn't able to pinpoint how far I've come, where I am right now, and how far I still have to go toward wholly and completely believing that my today-body is a beautiful body.

Sure, I've gone from wearing a tankini that covered me from my neck to knees, to tromping around sea shores, river banks, and lake-side beaches IN A STRING BIKINI. But truth is, that's felt pretty darn safe, because the only DIRECT, in-the-moment, body-shaming voice I've had to combat... has been my own. And over the years (and with lots of practice) I've become a ninja at shutting down that mean, inside-my-head, body-shaming voice.

I've also been body shamed quite a bit online, and have always come out of that pretty unscathed. But because it's online, I've had time to process the comments - to give myself a pep talk - and to find my truth again.

What I didn't know... was how I would respond if I was publicly body shamed by somebody else, in real life.

So here's what happened...

I stopped into my local thrift shop about 15 minutes before closing-time, to check out their dress selection. I found an amazing Marimekko dress from Anthroplogie (originally $180, selling for $6), so I jumped into the fitting room to try it on. Turns out the fitting room mirror was all wonky, so I stepped outside the fitting room to check out the dress in a different mirror.

Woman: "I know a way you can make that dress longer."

Me: "Longer? I was thinking I might shorten it a few inches."

I proceeded to bend over and fold up the hem a couple inches to show her what I was thinking.

Woman: "[Big Deep Disgusted Loud Inhale] But your legs! They're SO BIG. You need to HIDE THEM."

Me: "I'm not in the business of hiding ANY part of my body," I said kindly, with a gentle smile on my face.

Woman: "But your legs. They're SO BIG."

Me: "I actually like my legs," I said rather indignantly.

Woman: "THOSE LEGS?!?!?!"

Me: "Yes, these legs!" I said with a shaking voice.

I didn't get triggered the first time she told me my legs were "so big". I took it as an opportunity to stand strong in my conviction. And I held pretty solid the second time she told me my legs were "so big". But by the third time... I got flustered.

Which is to say... she found that part of me, wayyy down deep inside, that still believed the messaging that said my legs WERE "so big", and needed to be hidden.

She started telling me how she had to hide her legs because they were "so big", but I tuned her out. The store was closing - I was flustered - and I needed to take a selfie (below) and get to the register TO BUY THE DAMN DRESS before it was too late.

Thankfully, I had the wherewithal to REALIZE she'd awakened a latent body-shaming voice inside of me, and given it fuel to roar. But it didn't last long... because I was able to COME BACK TO MY TRUTH.

I mean you guys, I HAVE LEGS! They are awesome legs that do awesome leggy things every.single.day! Sure, my legs have cellulite on them, and they're proportionally larger than the top half of my body. But is that REALLY something to be ashamed of?? Legs? Being legs? When there are over 7 billion sets of legs on the planet?

Nope, I don't think so. There are plenty of things in this world to be ashamed of... and my legs aren't one of them.

Do you want to know the irony of this whole story? I bet if I sat down and talked with this woman, and asked her to share HER shame story, she would've told me about a time - or many times - when SHE was publicly body shamed for having "big legs".

I think this woman was trying to protect me from shame. And in doing so, she shamed me.

THIS IS HOW INSIDIOUS BODY SHAME IS.

When we're so caught up in our own shame, we can unintentionally project our shame onto others.

Here's what else. I shared this experience in my Instagram stories afterwards, and close to 500 women wrote to me. Almost every single person said something along the lines of "she should've kept her thoughts to herself" or "it's one thing to think it, it's another thing to say it out loud!"

And though I totally get that immediate impulse-reaction... I'm SO GLAD this woman didn't silence her shame. She put it out there, and perhaps for the first time in a long time, somebody didn't bite. I think that's why she kept trying to convince me - as if perhaps I didn't understand what she was saying. As if to say - BUT THIS IS WHAT WE DO AS WOMEN, WE CONNECT THROUGH OUR COLLECTIVE SHAME!

Connection through commiseration, dammit!

You guys, shame doesn't need to be silenced. IT NEEDS TO BE DISMANTLED.

Which means we gotta do the work. It means we have to change the narrative that goes on INSIDE OUR HEADS.

I'm not gotta lie. It's BIG WORK to stand up against societal messaging that is intent to reduce us to our scars, our dents and our dimples. But we gotta start somewhere.

So here's what I want you to do... the next time a negative body-shaming thought pops into your head, I want you to say OUT LOUD - MY BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM.

Say it in the shower, when that body-shaming voice starts to creep in.

Say it when you're getting dressed in the morning, and that body-shaming voice starts to holler.

Say it in the fitting room, when that body-shaming voice starts to tear you down.

MY BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM.

Let your rational brain speak louder than your shame. Say it over and over again.

MY BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM. MY BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM. MY BODY IS NOT A PROBLEM.

I still have more healing to do. And I'm guessing... you do too.

Let's heal together, shall we?

xo Stasia

PS. Can you imagine what a pity it would have been if I put this dress back?? I mean seriously! It's PERFECT!